Source: Star Trek Enterprise.
Breed: Some form of Tilapian Stir-Fry critter on the left, and on the right, looks like a Fishnet Sex-Slave Monster with Jerry Curls. They obviously hail from some remote part of some remote galaxy that no one's ever heard of.
How to Defend Against Alien Rape With the Brazilian Jiujitsu Closed Guard
The closed guard is one of the fundamental positions in Brazilian JiuJitsu. Incidentally, it is one which can be readily applied to rape aggression defense. It is set up from the supine position--a situation in which a rape victim is likely to find herself in.
1. Establish the closed guard. This is set out below.
2. Call for help.
3. Apply a submission. This is set out below.
4. Flee the scene.
Setting up the Guard
1. In order to establish the closed guard, wrap both legs around the assailant's waist. Start around the midsection and then try to work the legs up towards the armpits for better control. If the opponent is very large, or if you are otherwise unable to do this, wrap your legs around one of his legs. This hold is known as the half-guard.
2. Interlock your feet to prevent the assailant from pushing the legs apart.
3. Apply a moderate squeeze. Squeeze it good, but not too good. Excessive squeezing will simply wear you out.
4. Keep your hips as close to his as possible and pull him in. This is essential. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, penetration is very difficult from this position, especially when the legs are up in the armpits. Removing clothing is even more difficult. And we all know you don't want your clothes removed.
5. Place both hands behind the crown of the assailant's head or grab hold of his clothing and pull it down towards your own stomach. This will limit his ability to strike with his fists or elbows as well as help control his waist and torso. Any strength advantage is offset in this position!
6. Scream for help, if none is available, you are now ready to apply a submission and end the assault. Understand that all submissions must be fully applied. You will cause significant harm to your assailant.
Submission 1: The Kimura
1. Use a pelvic thrust to try to bowl your assailant over to your left side. You won't be able to do it, but he will post up on his two arms to maintain balance--Ideally, you want his hand to plant anywhere below your armpit. Adjust the pelvic thrusts to achieve this to the greatest degree possible.
2. Quickly grab his right hand with your left hand and hold it tightly against your ribs.
3. Quickly reach over with your other hand such that your triceps is touching his arm just above his elbow.
4. Quickly reach around the back of his arm and into the O created by you holding his wrist.
5. Quickly grab your own left wrist with your own right hand. Maintain the grip on his right wrist.
6. Shift your hips out to the left so that you are resting on your right hip. To do this, place your right foot on his left hip and try to throw your left foot over his back. Push off with your right foot and KEEP THE LEFT FOOT OVER HIS BACK. It will be used to help sink in the Kimura.
7. Use both hands (while maintaining the over-and-hold grip described above) to drive his hand behind his back, and up towards his neck. His arm will be bent behind his back.
8. To add shoulder-dislocating power, drive your left knee along his spine, up towards his head. This will help you drive his wrist with your hands by repositioning your weight. It will also upset his balance and prevent him from getting up or rolling over.
9. Continue to forcefully drive his arm upwards until the shoulder dislocates or until muscle tears. It does not take a very athletic person to do this.
Submission 2: The Armbar
1. From the closed guard, grab the alien's right arm and pull it towards your right shoulder.
2. Quickly post your left foot on his right hip. Keep holding his arm at the wrist.
3. Quickly twist and shift your hips out towards your right such that you are lying on your right hip. MAKE SURE YOUR BUTT IS STILL IN CONTACT WITH HIS HIPS! In other words, don't push out. Push over. Keep holding his arm at the wrist.
4. Quickly throw your right leg over his head such that his face is in your knee pit. Keep holding his arm at the wrist.
5. Use your legs to bowl him over to his right and pin him on his back. This should be very easy. If it is not, bridge your hips (push them upwards) while you crank your right leg (the one over his face) down.
6. From this position, hold his wrist down at the side of your head such that his arm is extended. If the alien doesn't have a wrist, then you're kinda fucked.
7. Bridge your hips and push your pelvis into the back of his elbow. Keep applying strength until it dislocates. Note that a sharp pop is not always a sign of dislocation as the fluid capsule makes a loud popping sound when burst.
Submission 3: The Collar Choke
The collar choke is actually a strangulation: It does most of its damage by restricting blood flow in the carotid arteries. It can be executed on almost any kind of shirt, jacket, or coat. Though easy to execute, this choke presents the risk of tearing the clothing and having to resort to a different submission. On the plus side, it will render an assailant unconscious in 5 to 10 seconds if properly applied and requires minimal strength or technique. Note that the opponent's posture has to be controlled such that he does not sit up and lean back. Be SNEAKY and CAREFUL in the setup and QUICK in the execution!
1. To set up the choke, use your right hand to grab the back of his collar with a thumb-inside (overhand) grip.
2. With your left hand, grab the opposite (right) lapel (if attacking a button-down shirt, jacket, or garment with a "true" collar) or right side of the T-shirt's head hole. This must be done with a fingers-inside (underhand) choke.
3. Shift your posture such that you are resting on your left hip and your right hip is slightly elevated. Do not skip this step!
4. Now that you are somewhat on your left side, it becomes easy to pass your right forearm over to the opposite side of the assailant's head by essentially ducking his head under your arm. DO THIS WITHOUT RELEASING ANY OF YOUR GRIPS!
* Your hands should now be crossed while holding onto his collar
5. Spread your elbows out and and pull his your hands apart while holding the grip--you should feel the collar tighten around his neck
6. To get even more power, flex your wrists and drive the outer "knob" on the side of your wrists into his carotid artery
*Tips
* The worst thing you can do is stay pinned on your back and butt. If you need space to execute a submission, shift your hips outwards towards either side.
* You may be able to use more muscles than you think to execute a movement. If you feel a motion stopping, consider using other parts of your body to add power. Example: use your back muscles to apply an armbar, not just your arms.
* Practice these steps with a partner! Perhaps sexy things will result! This cannot be stressed enough! You simply will not be able to execute these submissions without having drilled them several times, NO MATTER HOW WELL YOU THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THIS ARTICLE.
* Do not neglect your other options. A palm strike to the nose will break it, thumbs can be used to gouge out eyes, and the Tyson approach of biting the ears can be effective pain submissions.
* If the assailant passes (breaks) your guard and begins trying to crawl over you, pull in both legs and use the knees to create distance. Hold both wrists/sleeves and extend them to limit his motion. By extending one leg, you should be able to bowl him over to one side and mount. From the mount, strike with fists and elbows before getting up and running.
* Strikes (punch, slap, elbow, etc...) from the guard are NOT recommended. You will have no power and you are likely to lose your hold on the assailant. Any strikes should be delivered with the elbow to avoid hurting the wrist with the exception of palm strikes to the nose or teeth.
* IF WORSE COMES TO WORSE hold your assailant in the closed guard as you scream like a little girl for help!
* It is crucial to understand that your alien must be held in closely while in the closed guard! Pull him in tight with your legs, and keep his face pinned onto your chest. Do not give him space, but do not wear yourself out with a rigor mortis grip either.
* DO NOT EVER shift your hips in such a way that you are presenting your back.
* DO NOT STOMP A GROUNDED OPPONENT. He is likely to catch your leg and pull you down. It is also in violation of self-defense law in most states.
