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So I'm taking Intermediate Creative Writing, and my first assignment is a short story (3 to 7 pages, single space) of my choosing. I can write anything, as my professor wished for the class to be as open ended as possible, which is awesome. Anyway, I have two weeks to write this, and this is where you come into play. About a month ago I wrote a short piece because I was in the middle of an actual essay and I felt the need to distract myself. It was entirely off of the top of my head, so it isn't very organized. What I ask of you is to let me know whether the following is intriguing/entertaining enough to be continued, or it's just such a mess/uninteresting/whatever that I should start a new story entirely. If you think I should continue the story as is, critique on what could be improved. If you don't like it, let me know why or give me suggestions for a new story. Other peoples ideas help me to create my own. Link is below, your help is appreciated.

http://pastebin.com/m6ed124e4

I refuse to read this because it eschewed the creativity thread.

Fine! I'll put it there as well.

I think you tried for some sort of long-winded, ironic tone that didn't really work. I kept getting distracted halfway into your sentences.

(I would hazard a guess that you work in the "food service" industry, btw?)