Stalking 101: How to not talk to girls

[chocollama]

today could really go bad in about five seconds

1. I asked a really good friend of mine to prom and ever since yesterday She's been giving me wierd looks and avoiding me.
2. I took a map test and don't think I did great.
3. The end of the grading term is up and I think I'm going to get grounded from my car.

Wish me luck for tomorrow.

Oh, and squibbles, just know you can vent out on my maps whenever you want. Trust me, it helps.

EDIT- That includes spamming (if it's funny).

[t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư]

squibbles,

Sounds to me like your subconscious called shenanigans on the whole thing and moved past it. At the very least, that's what I hope happened, for your sake. But if it wasn't a "fuck this, I'm done," the other possibility is that it did enough damage that it's still waiting to hit you like a train. Doesn't seem likely, though.

Otherwise, the circumstances you described yourself in are actually very similar to the ones I find myself in now. Compared to previous years, I have practically no friends, and those I do have are distant, but for some reason I'm going through life like I'm fine with it. I don't think I ought to be, but for some reason I am. I commute to school, which doesn't exactly do wonders for a social life, and my spring break so far involves nothing but work, where I'm pretty out of place among the rare company I end up having. I spend most of my days alone, but with an inexplicable contentedness. Some days are admittedly lonelier than others, but it's never anything serious. Maybe something about Spring causes all this.

I'd get off the Mafia, though. Doing something productive with my time has always helped keep me satisfied, even though it's so easy to slack off and play video games all day. Exercise, or teach yourself to play the guitar or something. There's not a lot of motivation to do it, but try to force yourself to anyway.
But as for your girl issues, I'd tell you to try to put it out of mind if it didn't look like you'd done that already. Let go of your regrets, and start the next chapter in your life, because that shit is over and done with, and there's nothing you can do to change the past. There's only learning from mistakes by taking the time to clear your head of the mess they all created for you. Changing my consideration of someone from friend to just someone else I know has always felt weird, but it's always been obvious to me when the time for it comes. But maybe I'm the only one who thinks like that.

I'm rambling.

Stay active. Do something. I mean it.

[otters~1]

Great post. I agree with both of you about an odd sort of detachment from relationships and face-to-face contact. I've been doing the same thing lately. I couldn't care less about talking to people any more, mostly because I'm enjoying my life hugely all by my lonesome. And I'm enjoying myself because I'm busy; a job, school, volunteering, other responsibilities, more school. So, follow Suki's advice and get active in something.

[Donfuy]

Hm. And then there's me, who wants to get involved with persons and is having problems with studying. I mean, the only thing I do that has some productivity in it is learning bass.

Alone? Fuck that, I've been "alone" with no real friends way too much time.

[otters~1]

Hm. And then there's me, who wants to get involved with persons and is having problems with studying. I mean, the only thing I do that has some productivity in it is learning bass.

Alone? Fuck that, I've been "alone" with no real friends way too much time.

Bass is so much more important than any math or science you'll ever learn.

[Amadeus]

I haven't posted here for a little while, but I have more reason to than ever before, so here goes.

At the beginning of the school year, I met a girl I really, really like, and she kinda liked me too I guess, so we hit it off. She was cute, popular, really smart, and a dancer, but being slightly socially awkward at the time, and not one of the more popular kids in school, I had that weird angle of the relationship where I didn't exactly know why she liked me, and felt inadequate whenever I was around her. Because of this, I never got up the guts to ask her out, and when classes changed going into the second trimester of the school year, I didn't see her again for almost three months.
Over the last five months ago, I've completely changed (probably more because of my own feelings of inadequacy in general than any kind of imagined of belittling or looking down on her part). Through a series of controllable (acne medication, more conscious or stylish dressing, hygiene, making a lot of friends, etc) and uncontrollable (like getting tan/blonder because I'm swimming at in earlier time in the day) factors, I'm now one of the more popular/well-liked kids in my grade, have a ton of friends, and have had a lot of girls like me and flirt with me, all of which I turned down because like I said, I really like this girl.
On Monday, going into one of my new, third trimester classes, I'm super excited to see her, and feel like I'm finally in her league. And predictably, she doesn't like me any more because she thought A) I wasn't interested because I didn't ask her out earlier, and B) I haven't seen her for months. Hugely devastating, though I'm happier because of the changes either way. Unpredictably, she's dating my ex-friend from the beginning of the year, who is, as you'd guess, socially awkward, slightly out of shape, and in my opinion, annoying. I have no idea why she likes him, I'll be honest, she could date anyone in the school. But right now, 2nd period sucks, and I'm miserable because the one thing I wanted most, I didn't get.

[Destiny]

I haven't posted here for a little while, but I have more reason to than ever before, so here goes.

At the beginning of the school year, I met a girl I really, really like, and she kinda liked me too I guess, so we hit it off. She was cute, popular, really smart, and a dancer, but being slightly socially awkward at the time, and not one of the more popular kids in school, I had that weird angle of the relationship where I didn't exactly know why she liked me, and felt inadequate whenever I was around her. Because of this, I never got up the guts to ask her out, and when classes changed going into the second trimester of the school year, I didn't see her again for almost three months.
Over the last five months ago, I've completely changed (probably more because of my own feelings of inadequacy in general than any kind of imagined of belittling or looking down on her part). Through a series of controllable (acne medication, more conscious or stylish dressing, hygiene, making a lot of friends, etc) and uncontrollable (like getting tan/blonder because I'm swimming at in earlier time in the day) factors, I'm now one of the more popular/well-liked kids in my grade, have a ton of friends, and have had a lot of girls like me and flirt with me, all of which I turned down because like I said, I really like this girl.
On Monday, going into one of my new, third trimester classes, I'm super excited to see her, and feel like I'm finally in her league. And predictably, she doesn't like me any more because she thought A) I wasn't interested because I didn't ask her out earlier, and B) I haven't seen her for months. Hugely devastating, though I'm happier because of the changes either way. Unpredictably, she's dating my ex-friend from the beginning of the year, who is, as you'd guess, socially awkward, slightly out of shape, and in my opinion, annoying. I have no idea why she likes him, I'll be honest, she could date anyone in the school. But right now, 2nd period sucks, and I'm miserable because the one thing I wanted most, I didn't get.

She's obviously just into those kind of people. People who are socially awkward tend to be very loyal and caring in a relationship - if she's intelligent enough to realise this, then she's clearly worth chasing. She may see the new you as a step away from that, and so has moved her focus onto other prospects. I'd suggest trying to show her that you are still the old you on the inside, if you ever get the chance. Preferably when she's no longer dating your old friend, because that'd just be awkward.

Strange as it is to say this, you sound a lot like me. I used to be socially awkward (as in, really really awkward) and didn't have many friends. I couldnt speak to girls for the life of me. But like you I changed, and ended up in your exact same scenario socially, minus the girl problem. You're going to have to show her that you have that depth of emotion and character before you make a move. When she realises that you have the best of both worlds (as in, you're still the guy who is loyal and caring in a relationship, at the same time as socially successful.) she'll probably give you a shot.

[Universezero]

I used to be socially awkward (as in, really really awkward) and didn't have many friends. I couldnt speak to girls for the life of me. But like you I changed, and ended up in your exact same scenario socially, minus the girl problem.

Same for me, except I think I'm still in the 'changing' stage. :(
In fact, I think I might be going backwards. At a school social in '08, I was fairly awkward. But I managed to ask 3 girls to dance. Last year, I'd gained a lot of social confidence. I'd made some more friends, and I was generally progressing well. But at the same social in '09 I froze up. I couldn't ask any girls to dance. I was so nervous. I eventually asked one girl to dance, but that was it for the night. I don't know what happened. ;_;

[chocollama]

that sucks amadeus. just be nice to her anyway, maybe she'll change her mind about you.

[Lord_Serunson]

Isn't everyone a little bit socially aquward though? There is always going to be a situation that you are not totally comfortable in which will set you off your stride. Me for instance, all the girls that i get along with really really well, and i would cut off limbs to go out with, they all have boyfriends that are either totally unsuited as a couple, or the boyfriend is a complete plank and acts like an arse.

Does my head in >.< All these great girls, going out with twat-bags who just use them, and then us nice more conscientious guys just get left behind to clear up the breakup mess, only for them to do it all over again! Bane of my life.... Can't get a girlfriend for shat anyway seeing as i have no self confidence, and just blurt out sarcasm and comedy in bundless when nervous, which does the opposite of what I intended to happen!

[Pheidippides]

Before this goes any further: Simply being nice does not work. Okay, so in that xkcd it works, technically speaking, but not in the way anyone would like it to. If you never make your intentions known, nobody's going to read your mind. And even if you are an open book, and people do read your mind, nobody's going to acknowledge anything until they hear it from you. Yeah, it'll rock the boat a bit. But if it's not a boat you wanna be on, it's worth the shot, right? Awkwardness be damned; you all have it in you to speak up, so if you're sure you wanna do it, then do it. Even if you get shot down with the biggest anti-aircraft missile in the business (someone who plays FPS's could provide a better metaphor, I'm sure), you'll be glad you did it.

I'm not sure if this applies to more than just Lord_Serunson, but that's the general vibe I'm getting on this page.

[noops]

Lord_Serunson, I'd seriously avoid talking like that, seeing as how the vibe I get from that is "I'm such a nice guy, you'd be perfect with me. And he's a douche," which automatically makes my mind think that the person actually saying it is a douche.

Amedeus, I know a girl almost exactly like that. And I'm somewhat in that same situation.

Don't worry squibs, it's all good. I get that way, too, after some sort of huge emotional stress. "Fuck this, who gives a shit anymore?" is my brains way of protecting itself, and it may be yours too. But as Suki said, it could possibly be some sort of breakdown, but it's very unlikely. At least, in my opinion, I don't know you personally, nor do I know of psychology to any great extent.

Good luck to all you losers out there, though. :)

[Rose]

Will Riobe and/or maxson use this? Riobe and maxson both have some heavy shit on their chest.

After reading every post in this thread, the only problem I have is being oversensitive and getting depressed/angry over little things.

[otters~1]

I always thought "The Release Thread" was a bit odd anyway.

[Vyacheslav]

Never try to get the goody-goody girl in your highschool to become enchanted with "death metal."

[Pheidippides]

I see somebody's feeling like a comedian today.

[Vyacheslav]

I see somebody's feeling like a comedian today.

Comedian? No, I honestly tried to do that. It failed. Miserably.

[Pheidippides]

I see somebody's feeling like a comedian today.

Comedian? No, I honestly tried to do that. It failed. Miserably.

Not you, the mod who changed the topic title.

Wait, you tried comedy? Cool. There are stories there, I'm sure. ^_^

[smartalco]

Never try to get the goody-goody girl in your highschool to become enchanted with "death metal."

Ahahaha, whether it worked or not, it was an awesome attempt.

[Kablizzy]

I'm a big fan of the whole "Admin *and* Engaged" thing that I had going for a while. Now I'm just "Cool Guy with Girlfriend."

[Vyacheslav]

"Cool guy with hot girlfriend."

Yeah, that death metal thing didn't work out. We were friends and all and I did ask her to prom... she said she's not sure and will get back to me. Well, she never did and I found out 2 weeks before prom that she's going with some geek whom I've never seen her talk to. And this is someone who I spent 4-5 periods a day with and walked with to classes for 3 years. Anyways, she did apologize and said that we'd go out for lunch at times... It never happened. I was really hoping for it to happen so I could drive her and make her listen to death metal. What a sad story.

[Destiny]

"Cool guy with hot girlfriend."

Yeah, that death metal thing didn't work out. We were friends and all and I did ask her to prom... she said she's not sure and will get back to me. Well, she never did and I found out 2 weeks before prom that she's going with some geek whom I've never seen her talk to. And this is someone who I spent 4-5 periods a day with and walked with to classes for 3 years. Anyways, she did apologize and said that we'd go out for lunch at times... It never happened. I was really hoping for it to happen so I could drive her and make her listen to death metal. What a sad story.

I've been trying to get my girlfriend into Rise Against and Avenged sevenfold for three years now. I figured I'd be better off doing it in stages, so I started with Foo Fighters and Lostprophets (She listened to shitty pop music at the time). That worked okay, and she loved them. The next step up to Shinedown didn't go so well. I figured 'what the hell' and went straight for Rise Against. That didn't work either.

3 whole years, and the only progress i've made is Lostprophets. What the hell?

[Vyacheslav]

She didn't like "Through the Fire and the Flames" or In Flames' "Take This Life" when I played it in physics during a lab. Nor did she like Metallica's "Battery."

[Tunco]

Nor did she like Metallica's "Battery."

That's impossible. O_o Make her listen to Metallica's "One." Great, great, great song.

[capt_weasle]

Before this goes any further: Simply being nice does not work. Okay, so in that xkcd it works, technically speaking, but not in the way anyone would like it to. If you never make your intentions known, nobody's going to read your mind. And even if you are an open book, and people do read your mind, nobody's going to acknowledge anything until they hear it from you. Yeah, it'll rock the boat a bit. But if it's not a boat you wanna be on, it's worth the shot, right? Awkwardness be damned; you all have it in you to speak up, so if you're sure you wanna do it, then do it. Even if you get shot down with the biggest anti-aircraft missile in the business (someone who plays FPS's could provide a better metaphor, I'm sure), you'll be glad you did it.

I'm not sure if this applies to more than just Lord_Serunson, but that's the general vibe I'm getting on this page.

This really needed to be said. Especially if you wait for years being her best friend, secretly hoping that one day she'll fall in love with you. Chances are you need to get out of that friendship if this is what you're hoping for. Two things here. First, consider the following:

"I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

Best friends. Friends forever"

Because you've been such a "nice guy" for so long, this is what she will consider you to be: a shoulder to cry on. Whether she actively knows it or not, she can be manipulating you. Secondly, you are being just as manipulative. You trudge through this friendship hoping to get more out of it than just a friendship. You aren't spending all of that time holding her hand and listening to her sob stories about the jerks she's been dating just because you want to be a good friend. On some levels, yes you do care about her, but by and large what you're looking for is a relationship. Face it, she won't ever consider you to be more than friends, and you need to get out of the "maybe if I'm nice to her long enough she'll finally love me" mindset and express what you really want. Go re-read what Pheidippides said because he phrased it so much more concise and polite than I could.