Stalking 101: How to not talk to girls

Postby **t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư** » 2010.03.31 (20:56)

First off: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIzFyO4JKUU

Secondly, why is no one addressing this "I tried to make her like death metal" business? The idea that you can find a good relationship by finding someone who comes close to a mental clone of yourself and then converting their personality to suit you better will doom you to loneliness. Learn to appreciate other people's tastes' and appreciate them for that, because they are the people they are because of them. It almost seems like a crime against humanity to try to make someone like what you like.
I've come to the realization a few years ago that even though I can be a pretty domineering person and am happy when everyone does what I say, I would not find any meaningful amount of fulfillment in a relationship with someone who doesn't constantly challenge that. And I was going to follow this up with some kind of powerful conclusive statement, but I have class in three minutes, so if you'll excuse me...

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **Vyacheslav** » 2010.03.31 (21:48)

Just asking someone to listen to something doesn't necessarily mean you're changing their personality. Sheesh.

http://nmaps.net/user/_destiny%5E%2D · Postby **Destiny** » 2010.03.31 (21:59)

Well, I think in my case we've both had a heavy influence on each other's personalities anyway. When you're so close to somebody for so long it has an effect, even if you don't consciously make that change. When I started dating Joanna, she was totally boring and normal. I'm not even sure why I was attracted to her, she couldn't have been more plain. I, on the other hand, was a complete psycho. The crazy kid, you know? Anyway, I never noticed it happening, but after nearly four years i've become moderately regular, if still a little wacky. She's pretty much the same. We've met in the middle, so to speak.

People change all the time in relationships. It's whether they change for the best that's so crucial in lasting ones.

Postby **Luminaflare** » 2010.03.31 (22:08)

Destiny wrote:Well, I think in my case we've both had a heavy influence on each other's personalities anyway. When you're so close to somebody for so long it has an effect, even if you don't consciously make that change. When I started dating Joanna, she was totally boring and normal. I'm not even sure why I was attracted to her, she couldn't have been more plain. I, on the other hand, was a complete psycho. The crazy kid, you know? Anyway, I never noticed it happening, but after nearly four years i've become moderately regular, if still a little wacky. She's pretty much the same. We've met in the middle, so to speak.

People change all the time in relationships. It's whether they change for the best that's so crucial in lasting ones.

That is really not the point he's making, he means don't try and force people to change to your taste.

Postby **origami_alligator** » 2010.04.01 (18:00)

capt_weasle wrote:Secondly, you are being just as manipulative. You trudge through this friendship hoping to get more out of it than just a friendship. You aren't spending all of that time holding her hand and listening to her sob stories about the jerks she's been dating just because you want to be a good friend. On some levels, yes you do care about her, but by and large what you're looking for is a relationship. Face it, she won't ever consider you to be more than friends, and you need to get out of the "maybe if I'm nice to her long enough she'll finally love me" mindset and express what you really want. Go re-read what Pheidippides said because he phrased it so much more concise and polite than I could.

This was the only thing of importance I got out of your entire post, which is probably what you were going for.
I find this somewhat accurate. Speaking from experience of a 3+ year friendship I can say the hardest thing is not letting someone know how much you care about them and how much you'd rather be in a relationship than stay friends forever. But let's not assume the worst. The only problem is if you're disregarding other opportunities to have a relationship because of ONE person. All the countless days I spent with the above-mentioned girl were worth it because now we are closer friends and we know that although we do love each other a relationship would not be appropriate. Unfortunately I was not able to recognize that I was avoiding meeting other people because I wanted to be with her.
The part of your post I do not agree with is that not every person in the world who is in love with a friend who does not love them back similarly is some parasitic relationship where one uses the other to inflate their self-esteem. Maybe you were speaking from experience? That's the vibe I got from the post. Whether you were or not, it is definitely possible for two people to be attracted to each other on various levels and still know that a relationship would not be good for them.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **capt_weasle** » 2010.04.01 (22:29)

Manus Australis wrote:The part of your post I do not agree with is that not every person in the world who is in love with a friend who does not love them back similarly is some parasitic relationship where one uses the other to inflate their self-esteem. Maybe you were speaking from experience? That's the vibe I got from the post. Whether you were or not, it is definitely possible for two people to be attracted to each other on various levels and still know that a relationship would not be good for them.

I don't think that every person who is in love with a friend who does not love them back is in a parasitic relationship. I was just saying that if you find yourself in such a scenario, make sure that your friendship isn't/doesn't become parasitic on either side.

http://nmaps.net/user/Tunco123 · Postby **Tunco** » 2010.04.02 (17:27)

It was the last weekend, I guess. The house was silent and I was alone. I finished my school-work around two hours, then turned on my iPod, started to listen to some electronic-relaxing-rhythm-shit. So, I lay there on my bed, gingerly put my head on the pillow, closed my eyes.

So there, I was dreaming of driving a car in a beatiful road with a magnificent view, I'm alone in the road, the radio is closed. I feel like I have to go somewhere, somebody, somebody I really want to see. Someone who is really a friend to me. After the next curve, the view completely changed. The astonishing view of nature is still around me, but there is a person standing in the middle of the road, about 50 feet away from me. A tree standing sideways is making shadow on the person's face.

I get off the car when I'm about 20 feet close to the person, I still don't know who is he, or she. I start to run in a increasing speed, when the shadow was about to not to block my sight to see who the person was, I open my eyes.

---

I felt really good that day. I just wanted to share, small things like this can make you happy, I guess. I still wonder who that person was though.

http://nmaps.net/user/Onesevennine · Postby **OneSevenNine** » 2010.04.03 (20:12)

Tunco wrote:It was the last weekend, I guess. The house was silent and I was alone. I finished my school-work around two hours, then turned on my iPod, started to listen to some electronic-relaxing-rhythm-shit. So, I lay there on my bed, gingerly put my head on the pillow, closed my eyes.

So there, I was dreaming of driving a car in a beatiful road with a magnificent view, I'm alone in the road, the radio is closed. I feel like I have to go somewhere, somebody, somebody I really want to see. Someone who is really a friend to me. After the next curve, the view completely changed. The astonishing view of nature is still around me, but there is a person standing in the middle of the road, about 50 feet away from me. A tree standing sideways is making shadow on the person's face.

I get off the car when I'm about 20 feet close to the person, I still don't know who is he, or she. I start to run in a increasing speed, when the shadow was about to not to block my sight to see who the person was, I open my eyes.

---

I felt really good that day. I just wanted to share, small things like this can make you happy, I guess. I still wonder who that person was though.

I know what you mean. Oh, man, I hate dreams like that, when you see someone or something and you don't remember much but you're just supremely happy in a cosmic, inexplicable way and then you stay that way for hours after you get up; I mean, I love them, because I feel amazing afterwards, but they frustrate me sometimes. Occasionally something will happen and I'll get a brief jolt of a few minutes of pure strange joy just from seeing some object or hearing something that must trigger some kind of subconscious response in my brain--and as much as I want to find some common thread between all these random things I can't seem to. Once I saw a small grove of trees in the middle of a field and started laughing out of a sudden wash of contentment for apparently no reason (thankfully, nobody was around).

Postby **otters~1** » 2010.04.04 (06:01)

This is now starting to read like a thread about people who have been slipped drugs without realizing it.

Postby **kai** » 2010.04.09 (18:23)

Riobe wrote:I'll be the first one to use this, I guess...

----------

Oh, well... Today started off normal, I expected it to be another normal day.

But at around 4:30, my parents came in the kitchen, arguing. My mom was telling my dad to "hand over the keys" because he was about to go to god knows where.

"Give me the keys."
"No."
"Give me the fucking keys."

My mom was blocking the door leading out the house and my dad kept physically trying to move her.

"Goddamnit, stop touching me and give me my fucking keys."
"No."
"I swear to god this fork will go so far up your heart. Give me my fucking keys."
"No."

And that basically went on for like, 3 minutes. I was pretty fucking scared at this point, because I always thought that I was lucky to have such loving parents that loved each other a lot. I knew things were shaky between my mom and dad but I didn't know things were this bad at all. By now, my mom had involved me in the argument because I was in the family room (which is the room next to the kitchen), and had heard everything that was going on. I was so terrified at the situation at hand I hadn't even come into full realization of what was happening right in front of my eyes.

My mom and dad were walking towards their room. They were still yelling at each other a lot. Then I heard a slam, and some more harsh words, like:

"I will rip this damn shirt off of you if you don't give me my keys."
"I am not giving you these keys."
"Give me my fucking keys."

And I heard some fighting in there and pushing and stuff. Then the door flew open and my dad's shirt was half ripped down the center. However, he still had the keys and was headed for the door. My mom, however, caught him and ripped the keys from his hand. By now, obviously, both my parents were exhausted of all patience. My dad, in anger, pushed my mom really hard, and she almost fell. My dad kept going for her; he had such an angry look. A face of which I had never seen before in my life. Same with my mom. There was physical fighting for about 30 seconds. Those were the most terrifying 30 seconds of my life, seeing my dad and my mother physically fight with each other. I tried everything in my power to stop them, yelling "Please! Please stop!" the entire time.

When it finally ended, my dad still had the keys. By now they were standing in the kitchen again, right where it really had started.

"Give. Me. The keys."

My dad, who couldn't take my suffering anymore dropped the keys on the floor. I was a total wreck watching them, tears flowing down my eyes, my face all red, eyes all watery and red, mucus flowing out my nose like a river, everything. The pain was far worse than anything I've experienced in my entire life. It was terrible.

"Look at what you did to him!"
"Me? What did I do to him?"

From there until a certain point when I was in the bathroom, I forget exactly what happened. I remember that I was in the family after the fight, just crying heavily, tears falling onto my keyboard as I stared towards the floor. My mom and dad came in, as if nothing at all happened, and comforted me, telling me how none of this was my fault, how it was just an argument, how that they just weren't getting along, etc. This made me feel like everything was going to be okay.

My uncles came over, and my grand-aunt (who lives with us btw) was talking with my mom and my uncles. The older uncle told me how it's okay, and how things would be fine, and how if I ever needed to talk that I would be able to do so with him at any time. He really helped out a lot too.

I imagine that my mom took the whole situation a helluva lot worse than I did. I mean, of course she did. Her birthday was yesterday (a day before this whole mess), and I can't even imagine what's going through her head. I'd go more in-depth about the situation but I don't feel comfortable exposing all that I know about my mother's life on an online forum.

But yeah, my mom and uncles and grand-aunt talked it over, and my dad moved out, for what seems to be good. They're broken up, but as far as a divorce goes I don't know anything about stuff like that. My dad however said that he will always be there for me when he needs me, and that he will visit daily and everything.

So yeah, that's the whole story. As far as I'm concerned it's seems like it's going to be really hard to keep myself together because of this whole situation, but I think I might be able to do it. But still, this is one life experience I'd have rather never gotten into. I can't even help but thinking what they would have done to each other if I wasn't in the room screaming for them to stop when they were fighting.

Guess that's one mystery I'll never find out about.

sounds like my mom and step dad before they broke up... only he was drunk and my mom threw a shoe at his face XD. but ya man, it the grand scheme of things, that sound like a better deal then what i had and its prolly for the best. the divorce i mean.... i know its hard and i remember i said "just work things out with dad, dont split up" to my mom when she brought it up, but now i wish i supported her. maybe things would be different if i supported her, maybe she'd still be alive and with someone who treated her right (for once... she had bad luck with men). but i guess im beating myself up again over nothing.

but ya, sorry to hear that riobe... if it makes you feel any better that stuff reminded me so much of the same shit that happened to me that i imagined it all happening in my old house in Canterbury CT: you would be sitting on our old recliner, they would be fighting in front kitchen doorway, and at the end the crying over the keyboard happened in my old room (i even saw my old bunkbed in the backround).

but looks like things will get better from here so cheer up :P

EDIT: i just had to add that the keyboard i imagined you crying over was my fucking OLD ASS keyboard from the floppy disks and dos based programs days XD. damn im gettin old... i think i had reading rabbit on that clunker. and that was when reading rabbit was new O_o

http://nmaps.net/user/fingersonthefrets · Postby **fingersonthefrets** » 2010.04.20 (11:46)

My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. I still feel like complete shit about it. I don't see it getting better much before the end of the year, and by then year 12 would be over, and the stress it's causing me will have fucked up my final results as it's doing now to all my studying etc.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **capt_weasle** » 2010.04.22 (03:33)

@fotf: My girlfriend and I just broke up last week. She was the first person I have ever dated and we were together for over a year. The worst part about it was that she told me she felt there was a lot wrong with our relationship but never told me until she was so fed up and was just over it. So much for talking about feelings in a relationship. I'm not trying to put all the blame for this on her but it still sucks. There *will* be other women, though, even if it might not feel like it right now.

http://nmaps.net/user/z3phyr · Postby **Zephyr** » 2010.04.25 (10:47)

I think I have a crush on the daughter of the owner of my school grounds/teacher.
She lives at my school (doesn't go to it because I go to a boy school) because her father has a house on the school grounds.
Her brother is my company's under-officer (cadets) which isn't really good news for me.
I went to school on a Saturday because I had to get a hat for the ANZAC day parade and she got one from the equipment store for me, she asked me if it was the right size but I was too busy staring at her and I said yes. So now I have an undersized hat.
Saw her at the parade today, she was so pretty.
But I guess I don't really have a chance considering her father would probably chop my head off.
Still got her name and added on Facebook though :D

Postby **squibbles** » 2010.04.25 (12:39)

Zephyr wrote:I think I have a crush on the daughter of the owner of my school grounds/teacher.
She lives at my school (doesn't go to it because I go to a boy school) because her father has a house on the school grounds.
Her brother is my company's under-officer (cadets) which isn't really good news for me.
I went to school on a Saturday because I had to get a hat for the ANZAC day parade and she got one from the equipment store for me, she asked me if it was the right size but I was too busy staring at her and I said yes. So now I have an undersized hat.
Saw her at the parade today, she was so pretty.
But I guess I don't really have a chance considering her father would probably chop my head off.
Still got her name and added on Facebook though :D

Firstly, Zeph, you are the goddamn cutest internet personality ever. EVER. :3

Secondly, you're so in. Go for it, don't look back, and care less about what the family thinks. If they disagree, you can always elope, and if it doesn't go well, just try and split in a good way, or make it last until you don't have to worry about them.

http://nmaps.net/user/z3phyr · Postby **Zephyr** » 2010.04.27 (08:07)

So there is really buff/arrogant/good at sport/nobody likes kid at school, I've been quite nice to him for the past 5 years (unlike everyone else) so he considers me to be one of his few friends. Okay, so he was on camp and the parade with me and this girl too and he seems to have fallen for her.
He came up to me today and told me that he liked this girl and for me not to tell anyone (He only told a couple of people).
So I'm pretty stunned, but I don't tell him that I like this chick too. But now he thinks that I'm his best friend (because I know his secret) and he tells me all this shit like he's going to ask her out this weekend.
Me on the inside:
:O
-_-
D:<
;_;
T_T

So I've been dying inside for the whole day, nobody knows I like this girl but about 5 guys know that he likes her. So if I do anything at this point I'll pretty much be hated by everyone for stealing his chick even though nobody really likes him. This girl doesn't really know either of us but he's definitely the better looking one (even though I'm smarter and think that I have a cooler personality) so I really know what to do. Then I got less then I thought I would on a maths test and I had to walk 2kms in my socks in the rain.

So yeah I pretty much just spilled it all D:

Postby **squibbles** » 2010.04.27 (09:38)

Zephyr wrote:This girl doesn't really know either of us

Ok, so while this usually would be the problem for you, a part of it may work in your favour. That is:

Zephyr wrote:either of us

So it's pretty likely at this stage, that he is going to fail. Badly. This is what you do. Keep being his friend, and be nice to him (he's going to feel shitty), but get to know her. Just be cool and casual, and spend some time talking to her.

Then (and by this stage, your mate should be over it), ask her out. Oh, also, beware of friend zone.

Postby **t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư** » 2010.04.27 (10:05)

Fair warning: if this story ends with Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs, I'm fucking permabanning you.

http://nmaps.net/user/UniverseZero · Postby **Universezero** » 2010.04.27 (10:33)

Zephyr wrote:...I like this girl but about 5 guys know that he likes her.

That's the thing; the other guys (assuming they also know there are other kids that like this girl) will be thinking the same thing. So you're going to have to do an ol' caveman; just prove to her that your are the most suitable mate. Make yourself the Alpha Male. So yeah, just doing everything that the other guys do, but better.

http://nmaps.net/user/z3phyr · Postby **Zephyr** » 2010.04.27 (11:44)

Universezero wrote:
Zephyr wrote:...I like this girl but about 5 guys know that he likes her.
That's the thing; the other guys (assuming they also know there are other kids that like this girl) will be thinking the same thing. So you're going to have to do an ol' caveman; just prove to her that your are the most suitable mate. Make yourself the Alpha Male. So yeah, just doing everything that the other guys do, but better.

Um, about 4 of the 5 guys are much older then her.

http://nmaps.net/user/donfuy · Postby **Donfuy** » 2010.04.27 (14:45)

That gives you a clear advantage. They'll die first!

http://nmaps.net/user/_destiny%5E%2D · Postby **Destiny** » 2010.04.27 (16:27)

Donfuy wrote:That gives you a clear advantage. They'll die first!

Sometimes, Donfuy, I hate you and love you at the same time :D

Also, girls go more for personality than appearance. Just be the guy that's fun to be with, and you'll win for sure. However, there is a warning with this tactic; don't become her 'gay' friend. Not literally, in this case, but you know what i mean. If you don't, watch Kick-Ass.

http://nmaps.net/user/smartalco · Postby **smartalco** » 2010.04.27 (17:50)

Destiny wrote:If you don't, watch Kick-Ass.

Haha, but that worked pretty well for the dude in the movie!

http://nmaps.net/user/_destiny%5E%2D · Postby **Destiny** » 2010.04.27 (19:10)

smartalco wrote:
Destiny wrote:If you don't, watch Kick-Ass.
Haha, but that worked pretty well for the dude in the movie!

But unless you can reveal that you're actually a superhero, it's not going to work D:

Postby **otters~1** » 2010.04.27 (21:26)

Donfuy wrote:That gives you a clear advantage. They'll die first!

Ahaha. You should just leave, bro. Not helping.

Hey, Zephyr, seems to me like you have a bit of an angle: go find this chick with the hats and say you got a bad hat because you were blinded by her beauty. Then if she takes your head off with loppers or something at least you tried.

Postby **Luminaflare** » 2010.04.27 (23:21)

smartalco wrote:
Destiny wrote:If you don't, watch Kick-Ass.
Haha, but that worked pretty well for the dude in the movie!

Doesn't in the comic though.

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