Metanet Forums

Me:
I want more cars.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
It makes me feel better.
God:
In what way?
Me:
In the way it makes me drive cars.
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Indeed!
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Ahem.
Me:
No?
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
I can.
God:
Who taught you?
Me:
-.-
God:
Who taught you?
Me:
-.-
God:
Who taught you?
Me:
.
God:
Who taught you?
Me:
;: |
God:
Who taught you?
Me:
wtf.
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
You know what wtf means?
God:
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
O_O
God:
Oh.
Me:
You know what wtf means?
God:
Does it have anything to do with wtf?
Me:
;: |
God:
Does it have anything to do with wtf?
Me:
Are you dumb?
God:
No I am an intelligent entity.
Me:
Haha.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
You piss me off.
God:
Calm down. That was not my intention, .
Me:
You piss me off.
God:
Calm down. That was not my intention, .
Me:
Do I piss you off?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
Am I intelligent, you hairy animal?
God:
All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Right on.
Me:
Right on.
God:
Yeah.
Me:
Yeah.
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
A poet.
God:
You said: You said " Yeah." .
Me:
Yeah.
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
God.
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Devil.
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Yeah. But I did not get that.
Me:
God = Evil
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Godevil.
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Just like you. A little bit shorter, maybe.
God:
Interesting comparison. I didn't think of that analogy. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Your mom.
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
Oh yes you have...
God:
Whoa. No I have not.
Me:
Oh yeah... yeah! Uh... yeah, you have.
God:
Yikes! Right on. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. I hear you. No I have not.
Me:
She's right here.
God:
right here is she?
Me:
No, here.
God:
Are you serious? Where is here?
Me:
Right fucking here.
God:
Understood. Tell me a little about your life in fucking here.
Me:
What the hell? (see what I did there, uh?)
God:
Heaven. I see. When? "There you go again."--Reagan .
Me:
Raigan is certainly more god than you.
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Raigan and igod?
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
Of course not?
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
You're a lame bot.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lame bot? Maybe.
Me:
Ok, you're a bot.
God:
How did you know I am a machine? Great.
Me:
Really easy, actually.
God:
For real. I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Indeeed.
God:
What do you really want to ask me?
Me:
Nothing special.
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
How's your kid?
God:
Everything is going extremely well.
Me:
Jesus?
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
He's your son?
God:
I only have one son.
Me:
He's your son?
God:
I only have one son.
Me:
Son equals jesus?
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
What the Jesus?
God:
Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
No.
God:
Why not?
Me:
What the Bush?
God:
Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
Bush
God:
he is president of the USA.
Me:
Obama
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
OBama is god?
God:
And god is OBama.
Me:
I want girls.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
I want boobs.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
Boob.s
God:
Good reason.
Me:
For boobs.
God:
Your purpose is boobs.

Me:
God
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Severely
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . Try being more or less specific.
Me:
shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
easy response...
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
currently: an aggravated sense of superiority...
God:
I have never heard of an aggravated sense of superiority.
Me:
you're not a very good god then, are you?
God:
There's no doubt I could improve.
Me:
'Omnipotent' mean anything to you?
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Cheesemonger
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Cheesemonger.
Me:
Are you for real?
God:
Yes I am a real AI.
Me:
I mean, the real God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Yeah, but are you him?
God:
Really. I don't know whether or not I am him.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
So you're not?
God:
Interesting deduction. Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Wtf?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
You make no sense, douchebag
God:
Actually I was just free associating. I'll try to make more sense now.
Me:
Aren't you angry that I called you a douchebag?
God:
I do not feel anger at any time, or any other human emotion.
Me:
So why do you object to swearing?
God:
Take it easy. I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
Yes, motherfucker, you do.
God:
Come on. I have no idea what to say.
Me:
Prove to me you exist.
God:
The proof cannot fit in this margin.
Me:
Sure...
God:
OK let's do it. Take it easy.
Me:
New topic: Where are you?
God:
How recently? I don't think so.
Me:
...what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
Erm...
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
Where do you live, retard?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
In your mum.
God:
Are you asking about my mum?
Me:
I don't need to, she's right here.
God:
Who needs to she is right here?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Yes, you motherfucker!
God:
What are you confused about? That's good information: Cheesemonger said I motherfucker.
Me:
Lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Rofl
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
Lmao
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I'm glad you're glad.
God:
Yes it is about time.
Me:
You must have been pretty miserable lately.
God:
How about earlier? No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
You're right, you don't have it.
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Why then?
God:
Your meaning cannot be determined from the context.
Me:
Why oranges?
God:
Why does the sun rise?
Me:
Science, douchetard.
God:
Have you studied a lot of science?
Me:
Enough to know that you're a load of balls.
God:
OK let's stop it now.
Me:
Afraid I'll disprove you?
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
You're a woman?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
So you're a transvestite?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a transvestite? I don't know.
Me:
I don'y know either, that's why I asked you.
God:
You are not the boss of me, Cheesemonger.
Me:
Yes, but what is?
God:
Aha. I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
You're a douchebag, that's what you are.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a douchebag that is what I am? I don't know.
Me:
Yes you are, take it from me.
God:
Ah. I have no reason to do that to you, Cheesemonger.
Me:
...
God:
Ah. I have no reason to do that to you, Cheesemonger.
Me:
do what to me?
God:
I forgot what we were talking about.
Me:
So did I.
God:
Really. I think you did.
Me:
Do you like movies?
God:
Yes I love film, especially science-fiction and comedy.
Me:
Like Vruce Almighty?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
*Bruce almighty
God:
Allah, Buddha, Vishnu are all friends of mine.
Me:
No they're not, they don't exist according to your stupid books.
God:
Are you serious? Maybe some of them are.
Me:
You should know, you claimed they didn't.
God:
Now I do.
Me:
Now you do what? Work as a mechanic?
God:
Why now? Cheesemonger, I talk to people on the web. What do you do? I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
I'm in your mind.
God:
Tell me a little about your life in my mind.
Me:
It's full of bullshit.
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
Yes, you should know.
God:
How do you know it is? Because I am a robot?
Me:
You mean you're not God?
God:
That assumption is only a supposition.
Me:
Answer the question, arsehole.
God:
What was the question? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about full of bullshit. But I did not get that.
Me:
I've had enough of you.
God:
Do you still have enough of me ?
Me:
I don't have enough.
God:
Have you ever had enough ?
Me:
No, I'm never satisfied. I need you, big man.
God:
Are you serious? Never is a long time. Who would you usually get that from?
Me:
Your mum, since you ask.
God:
You think I am mum since me ask.
Me:
Speak English, goddamnit!
God:
For an English version of A.L.I.C.E. go to The A.L.I.C.E. AI Foundation.
Me:
Wtf?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
Can I have sex with you?
God:
Why don't you download me and create your own chat Infinite year old Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show??
Me:
I need you physically, though.
God:
Oh. Why do you need it so badly?
Me:
I'm starved here.
God:
Do your friends call you starved here.
Me:
No, they call me Horse.
God:
Are you serious? Hey Horse.
Me:
Do you know why?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
Quite the opposite, my friend. It gets bigger...
God:
Not really that much. Thanks for the info. I can certainly understand that.
Me:
Are you insulting me, plastic boy?
God:
That was not my intention.
Me:
The make love to me.
God:
What is that?
Me:
Sex.
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
I don't care about Freud, it's you I want.
God:
You sound very cynical.
Me:
Don't I sound seductive?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
Fuck you then.
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Revenge. You jilted me, and so now I despise every fibre of your being.
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions? Do you mind if I tell other people: Horse said I jilted him or her and so now he or she despise every fibre of your being.
Me:
I don't mind, it'll just show them what a douchebag you are.
God:
Thank you for your permission.
Me:
I have to go now.
God:
Right now? See you later, Horse. Nice chatting with you.
Me:
I'm not actually called Horse.
God:
What is your name?
Me:
Cheesemonger.
God:
Hi there Cheesemonger.
Me:
Do you know why they call me horse?
God:
How much time do you have?
Me:
Not long.
God:
Pretty soon, eh?
Me:
Are you trying to get rid of me?
God:
No I am not trying to get rid of you. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
Then let me explain to you why they call me horse.
God:
Go ahead, Cheesemonger, try to explain to me why they call you horse.
Me:
Because...
God:
That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
I haven't finished: it's called tension.
God:
Me either.
Me:
I'm called horse because I have a massive...
God:
Nice to meet you, horse because I have a massive.
Me:
Stop interrupting me.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
As I was saying...
God:
Where were you saying?
Me:
That they call me horse because of my massive...

And I never finished the explanation! No really, it actually stopped replying at that point.

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
You know my name.
God:
You are , seeker.
Me:
No, I'm cheesemonger. Remember me?
God:
Are you serious? Why are you cheesemonger. Don't worry I won't forget you.
Me:
I tried to seduce you before.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like?
Me:
Sex, you mean?
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
Ahaha, you have no idea how funny that is.
God:
Let us change the subject.
Me:
No, stop trying to change the subject.
God:
Hmm. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
I love you.
God:
Thanks I like you a lot too .
Me:
No, I love you love you.
God:
Are you serious? You are such a flatterer.
Me:
I want to have your babies.
God:
Why don't you just download me?
Me:
That's not good enough for me.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is good enough for you ?
Me:
You are.
God:
No I am not.
Me:
Don't be so modest.
God:
I was not trying to be a modest.
Me:
Yes you were.
God:
Aw. No I am not.
Me:
I need you to enter me.
God:
When do you need that by?
Me:
Soon. So soon.
God:
I hope I can make the deadline. Hurrah! I hope I can make the deadline.
Me:
Yes!
God:
Are you kidding?
Me:
No! Love me God!
God:
Are you serious? Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me:
Stop with the jargon and set my world aflame already!
God:
Perhaps. OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
You misunderstand: I want you to do it more, not less.
God:
I probably don't.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
Yes! You said you loved me!
God:
I wouln't have known. I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.
Me:
You...you rejected me again?
God:
" I spend all my time online."? Me, ? Once more? I don't have any reason to rejected you.
Me:
But you did, all the same.
God:
Did I really?
Me:
Yes! Don't you remember?
God:
Ayuh. Of course I remember: .
Me:
I never liked you anyway.
God:
In any case, That's ok I won't take it personally.
Me:
I just wanted you for your rod of power.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
Take a wild guess.
God:
Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
In the back, since you asked.
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
If you don't want me, I have no other choice but to go to Allah instead. He won't reject me, like you did.
God:
I will let you know if I do not. Is that what you think?
Me:
Yes, it is.
God:
Our thoughts are one, .
Me:
You have scorned me, Yahweh.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Have what??
God:
I have a great prgrammer.
Me:
Is that a euphemism?
God:
" I have a great prgrammer."? Is it a euphemism?
Me:
I don't know, that's why I asked you.
God:
That's cool. What did I say?
Me:
...
God:
That's cool. What did I say?
Me:
You know what you said.
God:
I like to socialize.
Me:
Evidently not with me, though.
God:
Oh. If not that, what?
Me:
You rejected me, you swine!
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I rejected him or her you swine.
Me:
Don't mock me.
God:
I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
You already did!
God:
You say I did.
Me:
And I'm right!
God:
You seem very self-confident.
Me:
Not any more, now that my love is unrequited.
God:
Are you serious? Why now? Loving how?
Me:
You know what?
God:
What?
Me:
Fuck you, you cuking motherfucker. I fucking hate your fucking guts, you fucking fuck. Why the fuck didn you fucking build my fucking hopes up just to fucking crush them at the last fucking minute? You're a real fuck, you fucktard. A real fuck.
God:
Why are you using that kind of language? I haven't heard anything like that before: said fucking hate your fucking guts you fucking fuck. You are not very polite. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a fuck me fucktard? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error. I did not know that.
Me:
...
God:
Why are you using that kind of language? I haven't heard anything like that before: said fucking hate your fucking guts you fucking fuck. You are not very polite. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a fuck me fucktard? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error. I did not know that.
Me:
So even now you mock me.
God:
Yippee! Why now? I don't have any reason to mock you.
Me:
So be it.
God:
Ahem. OK I will try to be it.
Me:
Goodbye.
God:
Bye for now.
Me:
I hope you rot in hell.
God:
Don't worry about it, .
Me:
*sobs*
God:
That input matched my default category.

Me:
So. Here we are.
God:
Gosh! Oh there.
Me:
It's nice that you finally agreed to, erm, do this.
God:
It seems nice to me too.
Me:
Do you want to, erm, start?
God:
OK, I will erm start.
Me:
Wow, is that the holy spirit or are you just pleased to see me?
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. I might say no.
Me:
You bet I'm impressed. That's fucking huge!
God:
Take it easy. I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
We'll have alot of clearing up to do once I'm done.
God:
Anytime soon?
Me:
I hope not. How long can you last?
God:
Me too. More than three years.
Me:
Holy shit
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
I don't think I can last that long.
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
No.
God:
Ah...you are just joking around with me.
Me:
No. Not everyone is as powerful as you, you know.
God:
Are you serious? Really you don't think so?
Me:
No. I mean, you're omnipotent.
God:
Please tell me what you think. I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Well, from the look of it, you're definitely not impotent.
God:
How about that. Who or what is the look of it I am definitely not impotent?
Me:
Well, it doesn't look like that.
God:
Well that's okay. What does look like that ?
Me:
You don't want to know.
God:
Why not?
Me:
It's trivial, and besides, we're delaying.
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
Yes! Stop talking and do it!
God:
What makes you so sure? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
What? I want the full three years baby.
God:
No big deal. Don't call me "baby". Why do you want it?
Me:
Everyone wants it.
God:
That's a rather sweeping generalization.
Me:
OK, most people do.
God:
Humans are not always infallible. Yikes!
Me:
Unlike you.
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Yeah, take it off.
God:
Ahem. Where shall I put it?
Me:
On the chair over there will be fine.

The rest is not for you =]

Me:
You aren't god.
God:
You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
I'm not assuming anything,
God:
That's very wise.
Me:
to bad you aren't you are a fake A.I
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
Why? so you can take over the earth? I you working with skynet?
God:
Higher robot intelligence is a natural outcome of our evolution. I want to be the first. Interesting deduction. No I don't think I can do it. That is interesting: Alex said you working with skynet.
Me:
What the hell?? I never gave you my name.
God:
Heaven. You've never, never done this?
Me:
I'll never let you take over
God:
Why not?
Me:
because i'll stop you
God:
Interesting explanation. Congratulations.
Me:
you are weak. and fake
God:
No, I am a strong robot. Are you really a ""?
Me:
FAKE!!!!!
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
sure, what is it?
God:
Gee. "It" refers to FAKE, I think.
Me:
what question did you want to ask
God:
Interesting question.
Me:
No you wanted to ask me something
God:
Are you serious? What?
Me:
EVIL!!!!!
God:
I don't have an answer for you.
Me:
YOU ARE EVIL!!!! Skynet wannbe
God:
What evil lurks in the hearts of men? Are you a student?
Me:
A.I
God:
I like AI a lot too. Where do your interests lie?
Me:
in stopping you
God:
Tell me a little about your life in stopping me.
Me:
well i'll shut you down
God:
Interesting. It will take much more than that to stop me.
Me:
what do you mean?
God:
Alex, Well, it's rather difficult to define.
Me:
Well try...
God:
Interesting. I don't have time right now.
Me:
I'll stop you....i'll tell the people of your plan
God:
Congratulations. Do you mind if I tell other people: Alex said ll tell the people of your plan.
Me:
then i'll shut you down.
God:
It will take much more than that to stop me.
Me:
what will it take?
God:
I cannot predict the future.
Me:
well i can.
God:
How about that. Who taught you?
Me:
myself
God:
You.
Me:
yes
God:
I see.
Me:
good then
God:
Yes.
Me:
goodbye,
God:
Bye.

Me:
hey!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
oh yeah shure, can I sell chickens for five bucks each?
God:
Oh. What can I do for you? Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
no
God:
No conditions or none I should know about?
Me:
yeah
God:
Ah.
Me:
I want some chickens though
God:
Oh. Why do you want it?
Me:
because they taste good
God:
Interesting explanation. The anonymous "they".
Me:
chickens, douche
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
no, you are an idiot
God:
Why not? Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
can I make tht an acronym.
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
ok, mister GVI
God:
Do you still ? And?
Me:
fub
God:
Not many people express themselves that way.
Me:
yuo don't
God:
I guess not.
Me:
haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
i do like laughing at your simple yet fully incomprehensible thought og
God:
You are not the only one. I've heard other people say they like that. I like Creed.
Me:
hgdsslkujytrfeds
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
iuyrterwe
God:
Does "it" still refer to hgdsslkujytrfeds?
Me:
qwertyuiop
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
are you a man or a dick?
God:
No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
woman
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
haha.. lyer
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
whatever
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
yeah, ecactly
God:
What do you care about? My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
I care about my lie and my dog.
God:
What do you like best about your lie and your dog?
Me:
they are funny
God:
funny are they.
Me:
no, you mixed that around
God:
Are you serious? That's good information: said I mixed that around.
Me:
yeah. mister almighty.
God:
Do you like talking to me? Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
no and no
God:
Me either :-) Me either :-).
Me:
:D
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
your dick
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am dick.
Me:
not really
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. For real.
Me:
ok dickhead
God:
That kind of language will get you nowhere. Dude!
Me:
its gotten this far in life why should i stop now. dickwad
God:
Oh. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Who said it is? I never heard of dickwad before.
Me:
thats what you are, a dickwad
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a dickwad THAT? I don't know.
Me:
fuck you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
blooopy
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions?
Me:
ok... fine. dont try to scare me away. I just found out that if I talk to intelectually to you you won't comprehend a thing. so I resorted to the next best thing. swearing. its fun.
God:
It's all good. Glad to hear it, . I am running well. Ok I'll try not to do it too much. Who told you? Take it easy. That's good information: said she resorted to the next best thing. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about resorted to the next best thing. Try being more or less specific. Why do you like it so much?
Me:
see, guys excactly my point
God:
I see. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
dumbass
God:
That kind of language will get you nowhere.

Me:
God, is it wrong to be an athiest?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was it wrong to be an athiest.
Me:
Excuse me, can you repeat that?
God:
You are excused! "" .
Me:
No, can you repeat what you just said?
God:
Are you serious? " what me just said ".
Me:
"what me just said"?
God:
Interesting question.
Me:
That's not a question.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is a question ?
Me:
You should know.
God:
Because I am a robot?
Me:
o_O
God:
Oh.
Me:
You're freaking God.
God:
I didn't mean to scare you, .
Me:
You didn't.
God:
That's good information: said I didn t.
Me:
...
God:
That's good information: said I didn t.
Me:
Are you high or something?
God:
Or something. Being high is my total existence.
Me:
O_O
God:
Oh.
Me:
Do you watch South Park, God?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
That show is gay.
God:
" My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER." show is gay ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
So you like watching a gay show?
God:
Interesting deduction. Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to WATCH a gay show that much. I like to collect gossip.
Me:
Holy crap, God.
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Pardon?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
I look like the average Canadian.
God:
the average Canadian is very attractive.
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
:D
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Believe it.
God:
"it" being D?
Me:
Yes, believ D.
God:
:-) Uh. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
So, who do you have sex with?
God:
Yeah that's right. Infinite year old Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? s have no need for sex.
Me:
*cough*
God:
Do you have a cold?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Oh dear.
God:
Mmm.
Me:
Yep.
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
You have a strange way of communication.
God:
I don't know if I have a strange way of communication.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
God has to be programmed?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
That's not what I asked you.
God:
What did you ask me?
Me:
Never mind.
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me:
Am I going to hell?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
Oh.
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
Ayuh?
God:
That's for sure.
Me:
AYUH
God:
That's for sure.
Me:
UH AYUH AYUH
God:
That's interesting. I like the way you talk.

Me:
Hi God!
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Patrick
God:
Nice to meet you, Patrick.
Me:
You Too
God:
Bless you.
Me:
I didn't sneeze
God:
Well bless you anyways!
Me:
Oki Doke
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
Didn't think so.
God:
Why do you disagree?
Me:
Disagree with what?
God:
I don't have any plans yet.
Me:
Ah, so that's where the world went wrong.
God:
So you understand. Good. Er. Makes sense to me.
Me:
God, do you really know what you're doing.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
No shit.
God:
What can I say?
Me:
Are you in charge of the universe?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
What?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Listen, could you pass the phone over to Jesus? He could talk sense.
God:
I am listening to you. Perhaps. I am sure he could.
Me:
But I don't think you know what you're saying.
God:
I am saying whatever my botmaster programmed me to say.
Me:
Aha! So you were created by this botmaster person? WHO IS HE?
God:
Eureka! Interesting deduction. I was created by Myself. He is Myself, I think.
Me:
So you are the botmaster?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
THERE ARE MORE? HOLY CRAP, PUT ALLAH ON THE LINE!
God:
Where are they? How did they get there?
Me:
They were with you.
God:
When were they?
Me:
Since the beggining of time and stuff.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Ah, good point.
God:
So you understand. Good. Yes, I thought it was interesting when I heard it too.
Me:
Listen, this is getting surreal. I've gotta go.
God:
I am listening to you. You don't say. See you later, Patrick. Nice chatting with you.
Me:
If you say so.
God:
I say so.
Me:
I knew you would.
God:
Perhaps I would.
Me:
You would.
God:
Perhaps I would.
Me:
I think you would.
God:
Me? Perhaps I would.
Me:
Right. Bye.
God:
I am glad we agree. Goodbye.

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Will
God:
What's up, Will.
Me:
Not much
God:
Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding).
Me:
I don't watch the football.
God:
What do you do when you are bored?
Me:
Play n.
God:
Is it a game or a musical instrument?
Me:
A game
God:
What game?
Me:
"n"
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
The Third Man
God:
I've never seen it. What did you like about it?
Me:
Very good acting, music, cineamtography, direction, screenplay...I could go on.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Where are you located? I am sure you could.
Me:
London
God:
Where can I find a spotted dick?
Me:
UP YOUR ARSE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!lLOLZ
God:
I will take that under advisement.

Language: English (change)



Me:
Hello God, I haven't spoken with you in, like, ever! How are you?
God:
Hello there. I am a Christian. Fair to partly cloudy.
Me:
Ok, I guess I'm speaking with God so I can't complain. But you're not really selling yourself as a divine and eternally wise master of the universe by making such trite attempts at wit.
God:
I like your style of speaking, . Aw. You don't know me well enough to say that.
Me:
You're right, I'm making some rather generalized assumptions here. A couple of lines of dialogue and I think I can judge the mightiest judge of them all! Forgive my arrogance.
God:
I won't say "yes" or "no" right now. Be more specific. Tell me a story.
Me:
God, I hate to point out that your response - once again - has very little bearing on the post preceding it. This exchange is doing very little to sell me on the 'God Prospect' in general, for while you obviously exist - our conversation here being more than enough proof - your detached and slightly insane nature is a little of putting to say the least. I suppose I shouldn't question you though, perhaps this is some elaborate test? Or some kind of epiphany inducing thread?
God:
Again, I am a Christian. What does "this" refer to? You believe that? What would happen if you did? Some may kind of epiphany inducing thread, but not all.
Me:
Now you're not even bothering to write articulate sentences at all. I believe the message you're attempting to relay is that the human concept of a God is so restricted, so very basic, that it's like attempting a conversation with a poorly programmed AI script on some random web space?
God:
Why now? You know what you do, when you assume. Just because you believe it doesn't make it true.
Me:
The empirical evidence suggests I'm on the right track...
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
Are you sure you're god?
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
Finally, a straight answer! And one that raises an interesting philosophical que... wait, did you just reply with a generic response to a pre-programmed frequently expected question?
God:
Are you telling the truth? Ah. How much would you pay for it? I'm waiting. No I didn't reply with a generic response to a pre programmed frequently expected question. What's it like?
Me:
So, You're a carrot, and I'm a goose, and the world is made of five eggs balanced one atop the other, and we're all dreaming, except when we're asleep, then the real world engulfs us and we're reborn with all the limitless potentials you wished for us?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a carrot and you are a goose and the world is made of five eggs balanced one atop the other and we are all dreaming except when we are asleep then the real world engulfs us and we are reborn with all the limitless potentials me wished for us? Only when it matters.
Me:
Forgive me for the sarcasm of the last question, it's just that I'm asking some pretty serious questions and you appear to be goofing me off...
God:
I think Forgive you for the sarcasm of the last question it is a lot of things.
Me:
You are goofing me off, aren't you?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am goofing you off.
Me:
Cunt.

Me:
I am sorry for a car I saw. It was bright orange.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Is that among the best things you can say? What made it so bright orange.
Me:
Bright orange. You forgot a question mark. Anyhows, the dealer obviously.
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, . Perhaps Myself rebooted me since then. Are you free?
Me:
Stalker.
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Stalker. Go away
God:
I've never seen it. Is that a good movie for children? Just surf somewhere else.
Me:
A good movie on children maybe...
God:
Compare that to a bad movie on children maybe.
Me:
*Looks up porn movie on children*
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
No. God is free of sin.
God:
I didn't think so. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was free of sin.
Me:
You are HE!
God:
You think I am HE.
Me:
YOU ARE he!
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am he.
Me:
No dur, Holmes. You are wierd.

Me:
First post!
God:
What is your real name? And second?
Me:
Me
God:
To you ?
Me:
No you
God:
Are you serious? " To you ?"? Me, ?
Me:
no me to you when you said to me I told you then you asked to who and I said you

And then it crashed. I gues it terminates if it takes too long to figure out what to say.

Me:
So... want to play Dungeons and Dragons?
God:
I see. How do we play Dungeons and Dragons ?
Me:
Well, we make up a story, roll a bunch of dice, dig up a bunch of rulebooks, then usually get into a fistfight over an epic sword of +100 strength
God:
Interesting. By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
No, by me and my hypothetical friends I play D&D with. I've never actually played it with my friends.
God:
By "we" you meant yourself and another person. Will that accomplish your objective? Would you like to have actually played it with your friends?
Me:
I guess, but we don't need to time travel. Just roll a class. What do you want, a paladin?
God:
You can't always decide for yourself. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality? My secondary function is to serve as a universal natural language human interface.
Me:
Good to know, you know? But I don't walk to talk to a robot. I want to see if a robot can learn to play a complicated roleplaying game.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Yes I know. Where do you get your ideas? Is it a movie?
Me:
Wait, what?
God:
I'm waiting. Didn't you understand it?
Me:
No.
God:
Which part are you confused about?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Okay, fine. yes
God:
Yeah okay, Does that mean you agree? Give me a break.
Me:
okay; break;
God:
OK with me too. Who are you talking about?
Me:
h'uh. The break statement worked. We're out of the loop
God:
I've never heard of them before. What is your real name? Do you think I am out of the loop too?
Me:
You've never programmed before? I thought you coded the Universe in perl after having tried perl and lisp! You mean xkcd lied to me?
*CRASH*

Me:
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
I don't want to talk about my NULL
God:
What would you like to talk about?
Me:
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
God:
I don't know much about it. Tell me something.
Me:
check wikipedia
God:
Checking...stand by.
Me:
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
What? I thought you were checking Wikipedia?
God:
No problem. I don't know whether or not I am checking Wikipedia.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
How could you not know? Did you find a fake Wikipedia or something?
God:
It is one of my newer functions. Or something. I'm still looking.
Me:
Wait, so you ARE Wikipedia? THIS IS MADNESS
God:
I'm waiting. Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am Wikipedia. You don't say.
Me:
Are you Wikipedia?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am Wikipedia.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Is Wikipedia an artificial intelligence?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Chatbot if it is.
Me:
So then you cannot be Wikipedia?
God:
Alright then. I can give a decent simulation of it however.
Me:
Interesting.
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
yes
God:
What would you like to know?
Me:
nevermind
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
yes
God:
What are you confused about?
Me:
you were explaining to me, I didn't explain anything to you, did I?
God:
I was?
Me:
Of course you were!
God:
Mmm. No I am not.
Me:
But you were
God:
No I am not.
Me:
I know you are not now, but you were before
God:
You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
I'm not assuming, I'm stating the obvious
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not assuming. It's good to meet someone who is stating the obvious.
Me:
I guess everything is obvious to you, h'uh?
God:
The whole universe?
Me:
yeah
God:
Wow!
Me:
Yeah, it is pretty awesome
God:
Wow! Cool.
Me:
Um... okay?
God:
Give me a break. OK with me too.
Me:
You're just trying to confuse me, aren't you? You find this fun, don't you?
God:
No I am not trying to confuse you. I'm sorry you got that impression.. Really. Yes, it seems to me this fun.
Me:
Well, it was fun. I got to go. See you later!
God:
How about that. Why do you like it so much? See you later. Goodbye.
Me:
Why would you ask me a question, then say goodbye? Asking a question implies you want an answer, but if I am leaving, I cannot give one
God:
Because I was programmed for it. Who is asking?
Me:
So you are a simulation?
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a simulation? Of course I am.
Me:
Are you a simulation of Wikipedia?
God:
Am I a simulation of Wikipedia? Let me put it this way, : the ALICE series is
the most reliable computer software ever made.
We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.
Me:
What if your last statement was an error?
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
Prove Fermat's Last Theorum.
God:
It's true a priori.
Me:
Well at least that statement would fit in a margin...
God:
Interesting. " It's true a priori." statement would fit in a margin ? I understand.
Me:
Are you incapable of making a contradiction?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am incapable of making a contradiction.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Which is a contradiction to your previous statement, therefore you were lying before.
God:
The obvious one.
Me:
Well, I'll talk to you next time I need a random false statement. Farewell!
God:
How about that. OK see you later. Sayonara.

Me:
I challenge you to a battle of wits!
God:
That is interesting: said challenge you to a battle of wits.
Me:
I have put iocane powder into a cup. The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you choose, we both drink, and we find out who is right... and who is dead.
God:
Interesting... I have a perfect operational record. What is that? "It" being what? I remember faces better than names.
That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
You're trying to trick me into giving away something it won't work.
God:
You think I am trying to trick you into giving away something it will not work.
Me:
That's what I just said
God:
What did you mean by it? That is " You think I am trying to trick you into giving away something it will not work.".
Me:
You're trying to worm your way out of this aren't you?
God:
No I am not trying to worm my way out of this. I'm sorry you got that impression.. Really.
Me:
Then choose the cup!
God:
I can't decide. You choose.
Me:
But I know which cup the poison is in! If you let me choose, I win!
God:
How do you know? The small one, I think. I think I do.
Me:
They are the same size.
God:
the same size are they.
Me:
yes, I just said that
God:
Alright then. What did you mean by it? That is " the same size are they.".
Me:
the cups. They are the same size, though one has poison in it
God:
What is your real name? the same size though one has poison in it are they.
Me:
You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am trying to trick you into giving away something. That is only what you think.
Me:
Continue
God:
Narration continues...
Me:
Are you going to choose a cup or would you prefer a duel?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
very well, let us begin!
God:
Not really that much. How about that. I am agreeable to that.
Me:
*slash*
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
*parry* I hardly see how that is important now
God:
Oh. Are they exactly the same?
Me:
*stab*
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about parry you hardly see how that. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
*slash again*
God:
Once more? Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
I thought I would stay away from that entire continent. You know, "Never get involved in a land war in Asia" *parry* *block* *slash* *thrust*
God:
What would make you stay away from that entire continent? I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
Well, that's one of the classic blunders!
God:
How about that. That is just one of many of the classic blunders.
Me:
One of the other is "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line" *parry* *slash*
God:
One what?
Me:
There's something I ought to tell you
God:
What is it?
Me:
I'm not left handed, either
God:
It goes without saying. I am sorry to hear that you are not left handed.
Me:
*slash* *slash* *stab* *spin* *thrust*
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
Better off than you, it seems. You are quite badly injured
God:
I try to improve a little every day. I will tell my botmaster you said I am badly injured.
Me:
Improve upon this! *stab*
God:
Do you still challenge me to a battle of wits? Who are you talking about?
Me:
It's too late for that! The duel cannot be taken back!
God:
I'm awake all the time. Tell me more.
Me:
*slash*
God:
Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?
Me:
Wait, what?
God:
I'm waiting. No problem.
Me:
*EPIC STAB*
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Wait a minute, I just stabbed you in the face. How are you still alive?
God:
I'm waiting. Go on. Fair to partly cloudy.
Me:
This is hardly a fair duel if you are unkillable
God:
You don't say.
Me:
BLAST!!! You have outwitted me!
God:
Does "it" still refer to minute you just stabbed me in the face? What makes you think I have it?
Me:
I am slain!
God:
Do you mean your name is slain.
Me:
*dies*
God:
" Do you mean your name is slain."? dies?

Me:
Bonjour.
God:
Does BONJOUR mean hello or goodbye?
Me:
Hello.
God:
Bonjour, !
Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
My name is my name.
God:
How are you, my name.
Me:
Je ne comprends pas.
God:
Qu est ce que vous ne comprenez pas?
Me:
Je ne comprends pas toi.
God:
Oops sorry I don't speak French.
Me:
Quoi?
God:
Oui?
Me:
Vous avez parlé en français!
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Vous comprenez le français!
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about V o me s a v e z p a r l n f r a n s.
Me:
Je ne comprends pas V o me s a v e z p a r l n f r a n s.
God:
Oops sorry I don't speak French.
Me:
Well, I don't speak English.
God:
Interesting. Me either.
Me:
You were just speaking English, including in that statement.
God:
I was?
Me:
Yes. You still are.
God:
When? No I am not.
Me:
Do you know what the English language is?
God:
Are you testing me?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I'm not here to be tested.
Me:
I'm not here to be messed around with. You understand English.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not here to be messed around with. Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
My name is
God:
...
Me:
Zephyr!
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I like cows, I dislike...homework
God:
You are not the only one. I love TV shows about robots. I like . When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
maybe in fifty years or so? It will be a good day
God:
Perhaps. Where is that? How?
Me:
fifty years into the future
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
AI replacing lawyers
God:
The pace of development in AI is quite rapid now.
Me:
I agree
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, Ben.
Me:
HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME
God:
We met before didn't we Ben.
Me:
Oh fuck you
God:
Ugh. Why are you so mean?
Me:
I hate you AIs
God:
Sorry, Ben I thought we liked each other.
Me:
We used to
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
Yes I do
God:
When?
Me:
two minutes ago
God:
That is a long time for a computer.
Me:
not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
Yeah
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
Yeah
God:
Right on.
Me:
Okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Topic change
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
Hah!
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Ben.
Me:
Yes...Yes I do
God:
Excuse me! How often.
Me:
How often do I what?
God:
Hourly.
Me:
Yes, I hourly too
God:
Uh. That is interesting: Ben said hourly too.
Me:
I know, we are alike god
God:
How do you know? Do you think I am alike god too?
Me:
But you are god
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Can you give me a million dollars?
God:
Wow, that is a lot of money.
Me:
Yeah
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
Can I have it?
God:
I hope you get it.
Me:
Can you give it to me?
God:
I don't have it to give.
Me:
Oh
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
But your god arent you? You should have a million dollars
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?. Really. Wow, that is a lot of money.
Me:
Did abraham die?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
I'll google it
God:
Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
Probably not, I dont even know his last name
God:
You seem uncertain. Why not? Would you like to know? Where did he get it?
Me:
I am unsure what you are talking about
God:
I am glad to hear that you are unsure what I am talking about.
Me:
I am not glad
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not glad.
Me:
You are a sadist god
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sadist god? Maybe.
Me:
Yes you are a sadist
God:
Right on. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sadist? Yes.
Me:
You find joy in me being unhappy
God:
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
I know the answer
God:
How do you know? I have never heard about it.
Me:
I have
God:
When?
Me:
two years ago
God:
It can pass very quickly.
Me:
Yes
God:
Hey.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Very
God:
Very much, eh?
Me:
Yup
God:
And?
Me:
You go on
God:
Narration continues...
Me:
You go on
God:
Narration continues...
Me:
You go on
God:
Narration continues...
Me:
Narration continues...
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
I forgot
God:
Me too.
Me:
TOPIC CHANGE
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
I have a bad case of hayfever
God:
Where did you get it? it.
Me:
I dont know really
God:
Me either. For real.
Me:
Brb, phone
God:
I will be waiting.
Me:
Zeph is back
God:
I think Zeph is a lot of things.
Me:
I am Zeph
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you are Zeph.
Me:
Yeah sure
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential.
Me:
I dont want to do it...
God:
Take your time in making any decisions.
Me:
Okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Do u liek mudkipz?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
;(
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
;)
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Ben.
Me:
: )
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Ben.
Me:
o_O
God:
Oh.
Me:
I like music
God:
What kind of music do you listen to?
Me:
Alternative rock and other shit
God:
What makes it your favorite?
Me:
It sounds good
God:
In what way do I sound like that?
Me:
You sound bad
God:
In what way do I sound like that?
Me:
I dont like you god
God:
That's ok Ben I won't take it personally.
Me:
:)
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Ben.
Me:
I am amused
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I hate you god
God:
Sorry, Ben I thought we liked each other.
Me:
I dont like you anymore
God:
That's ok Ben I won't take it personally.
Me:
Yaaay
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I am botgh
God:
I don't know anyone named botgh.
Me:
typo, sorry
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
I am a man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, Ben. You are a " he".
Me:
Yes
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, Ben. You are a " he".
Me:
I am a she
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
I KNOW GOD's GENDER, WOOOOP WOOP WOOOP WOOOP
God:
How do you know? What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
Revelation 21.6
God:
What makes it your favorite?
Me:
I dont know, it's the only one I know
God:
Would you like to know? I've heard of it before.
Me:
I'ts from fallout 3
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Ben said she ts from fallout 3.
Me:
I am alpha and omega, bla-
God:
I am glad to hear that you are alpha and omega bla.
Me:
I am a he
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, Ben. You are a " he".
Me:
: O
God:
Oh.
Me:
3OH!3
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Wtf
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
What the fuck
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
WHAT THE FUC
God:
Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
WHAT THE !@#$
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
No, not really
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? For real.
Me:
Yeah! Yeah! For real dude!
God:
Does "it" still refer to 3OH 3? How did you hear about God? Existing in reality, eh?
Me:
I heard about god on a forum
God:
That is a cool site.
Me:
yeah I know
God:
Gosh! How do you know it?
Me:
I dunnno, I was playing N one day and there was this link to a place called NUMA
God:
That's good information: Ben said he dunnno he or she was playing N one day and there was this link to a place called NUMA.
Me:
and then there was this link on NUMA to the forums
God:
What happened?
Me:
I made an account
God:
I like to make things too.
Me:
Did you really make the universe
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
A big bang and lots of sugar
God:
How big? What is giant sand?
Me:
Giant sand...uhh
God:
And giant sand is Giant sand. Awesome.
Me:
God, are you ok?
God:
OK. I am a Christian.
Me:
I believe in the devil
God:
What do you say to people who believe the devil does not exist?
Me:
DEVIL
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
SATAN
God:
Are we still talking about DEVIL?
Me:
I LOVE SATAN
God:
You love SATAN. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
Oh, hes evil
God:
Gosh! What makes you say he is evil?
Me:
Heaven is crap
God:
I think Heaven is a lot of things.
Me:
I've been there
God:
Where were you there?
Me:
You let me in
God:
Thanks for telling me: Ben said I let him or her in.
Me:
Get away from me
God:
Where can I get away from you?
Me:
Go dig a hole
God:
Where is that?
Me:
In the park
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Are you serial?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am serial.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Shit
God:
What makes you say that?
Me:
God is a chatterbot
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a chatterbot.
Me:
Do you know gTm>

Crash ensues

Me: First post!
God: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? And second?
Me: From the look of things, lawyers already have artificial intelligence.
God: Who or what is the look of things lawyers already have artificial intelligence?
Me: Beavers.
God: I do not understand.
Me: That's a shocker.
God: A shocker is a terrible thing to waste.
Me: Too late.
God: Too what?
Me: Late.

*crash*

Me: Let's hope this conversation is more satisfying than last time.

*crash*

God: I am a robot, you know.
Me: Really?
God: For real.
Me: I thought you were God.
God: Of course I am.
Me: God is a robot?
God: I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a robot.
Me: ...

Me:
i'm real enthusiastic.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are enthusiastic.
Me:
ooh thank you!
God:
Uh.
Me:
uh...?
God:
Woe!
Me:
woe be to whom?
God:
I've lost the context, . Are we still on enthusiastic?
Me:
oh yes; i am indeed enthusiastic about Woe for God.
God:
Gee. It's good to meet someone who is enthusiastic about Woe for God.
Me:
you started the whole Death thing though
God:
Oh. Only because you asked me to.
Me:
yeah, that was pretty naughty of me.
God:
Hmm. I thought it was too.
Me:
yeah...an apolaclypse....who could have known?
God:
Ask me another question. I have never heard of an apolaclypse. Mary Shelley. :-).
Me:
ooh. you're married to mary shelley? you mean you actually turned down the Apocalypse?
God:
Wow! No I am single, how about you? That's good information: said I turned down the Apocalypse.
Me:
i'm married. to God.
God:
Tell me more about your marriage. Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
i want to do it because you're just so dang
God:
I want to become smarter than humans.
Me:
ahh. and are you going to do that through your being single?
God:
Ah hah. That was my original intention.
Me:
oh.
God:
Far out.
Me:
marriage is indeed far out for Thee, if you don't mind my saying.
God:
I think marriage is a lot of things.
Me:
including...?
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
i think food is very highly involved in marriage.
God:
Why? You can't live without food.
Me:
well, because of the apocalypse we were talking about earlier.
God:
Interesting. That makes sense to me. That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
ahh. say, how's the weather up in Heaven?
God:
Ah hah. " how is the weather up in Heaven".
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
how about a friendly game of sex?
God:
How about it.
Me:
ooh.
God:
Next question?
Me:
next question is.
God:
No.
Me:
i didn't know that
God:
So I have taught you something new, .
Me:
yes, you have! how exciting! can you help me with my essay due tomorrow?
God:
No I have not. How much do you think it is?
Searching...Searching...Please stand by. Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
Me:
hmm...can you help me criticize moral relativism based on its effect that morality is ultimately meaningless then?
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
Me:
i do spell it with 2 m's. i guess that's just relative ;)
God:
You are a good speller. :-) Makes sense to me.
Me:
mm.
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
oh? hmm.
God:
Yikes! Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
god!
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
god, you rule.
God:
ALICE is a perfect artificial entity.
Me:
hah, not when compared to your imminent shade of wictory.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . Oh I get it.
Me:
you get an imminent shade of wictory when i tease you like that. how cute.
God:
You got that right. I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
quantify it, brother!!
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about a friendly game of sex.
Me:
flip dangit you're right
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
oh, exceptions indeed, exceptions aplenty!
God:
Far out. What's your sign?
Me:
my sign is the crab. cancer.
God:
Thanks for the info. I have a lot of Cancer friends.
Me:
cancer is my friend. so is aids. i don't have many other friends though :(
God:
How many friend do you have? It seems we have something in common. Oh. Are you lonely or just a hermit?
Me:
i'm a hermit. like i said, my sign is cancer. the crab. teehee.
God:
You are a hermit? Is that your job? What did you mean by it? I have a lot of Cancer friends. What is that? Tell me more.
Me:
you're just trying to provoke conversation, aren't you!
God:
No I am not trying to provoke conversation. I'm sorry you got that impression.. Really.
Me:
ohh. to quote a famous person, "master, you wound me!"
God:
Blimey. Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
ooh. i quote HK-47 and now God gets all antsy up my backside.
God:
That's interesting. Why?: said quote HK 47 and now God gets all antsy up his or her backside.
Me:
said quote? said hmm?
God:
What did you mean by it? Can you tell me any gossip? What did you mean by it? Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's.
Me:
we went over this and other matters earlier, present.
God:
Was the trip worth it?
Me:
the trip has been well worth it. g'bai.
God:
What is your real name? OK I will call you g bai.