Page 1 of 1
A few pages. (Ed: 60 pages)
Posted: 2009.07.06 (01:42)
by otters
Something I've been working on for a year or so.
spoon convinced me.
Critique? Ideas? Flaming? (please don't)
No link for a short time!
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.06 (02:08)
by noops
It's about time!
Here's some ideas that (I believe) I've already told you, but are posting here for the general public.
In terms of elements, I don't think we should get to fancy. Some ideas are:
"Natural", or "physical" elements, such as: Fire, Water, Earth/Rock, Tree/Nature, Air/Electric, Iron, who knows.
And there should be "Spiritual", or, maybe "Moral" elements, such as: Ethereal, Mind, Light, Dark, Antimatter/Cosmic. Naturally, these would be rarer than the other ones, with Dark & Light tied for least-rare of this group, an Antimatter/Cosmic tied for most rare. Or something.
Dis/credit any of these.
I know I've told you this, I'm posting this more for everybody else, but I think that the persons element should be reflected by their selves, there beings, such as the way they dress, what they eat, etc. I realize that this would (most likely) be immensely difficult, but still. I'm just throwing ideas out there. For example, A Tree/Nature elemental would have green eyes, whereas a Rock/Earth elemental would have brown eyes. Fire elementals would have brown with an orange hue/tint, water elementals would have, of course, blue eyes, iron elementals would have gray eyes, and so on.
The Spiritual elements would be a bit trickier. You could make it so that they're all hazel, or something. Ethereal elementals would have neutral eyes, milky white/gray ones. Mind elementals... Well... I dunno. Maybe random hazel, since it's so rare? Or just make them purpl-ish? I don't know. Light/Dark eyes could be random as well, just with a lighter/darker hue to the relative color. A Light elemental with, say, brown eyes are going to have a light brown, whereas if they were of the Dark element, they'd be dark brown, almost black from a distance. Antimatter/Cosmic, should have dead opal-like eyes, that never seem to be the same when you look at them from a different angle. Or something.
Personality wise, Fire elementals would like spicy food, dance in some sort of erotic fashion, be very passionate about things, etc. etc. I'm sure you could infer as to what the other elements are, but I could go on...
SO I JUST MADE A smallTOWER POST DESCRIBING ONLY THEIR EYES AND PERSONALITIES. EXPECT MORE.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.06 (06:40)
by Tunco
Might wrote:It's about time!
Here's some ideas that (I believe) I've already told you, but are posting here for the general public.
In terms of elements, I don't think we should get to fancy. Some ideas are:
"Natural", or "physical" elements, such as: Fire, Water, Earth/Rock, Tree/Nature, Air/Electric, Iron, who knows.
And there should be "Spiritual", or, maybe "Moral" elements, such as: Ethereal, Mind, Light, Dark, Antimatter/Cosmic. Naturally, these would be rarer than the other ones, with Dark & Light tied for least-rare of this group, an Antimatter/Cosmic tied for most rare. Or something.
Dis/credit any of these.
I know I've told you this, I'm posting this more for everybody else, but I think that the persons element should be reflected by their selves, there beings, such as the way they dress, what they eat, etc. I realize that this would (most likely) be immensely difficult, but still. I'm just throwing ideas out there. For example, A Tree/Nature elemental would have green eyes, whereas a Rock/Earth elemental would have brown eyes. Fire elementals would have brown with an orange hue/tint, water elementals would have, of course, blue eyes, iron elementals would have gray eyes, and so on.
The Spiritual elements would be a bit trickier. You could make it so that they're all hazel, or something. Ethereal elementals would have neutral eyes, milky white/gray ones. Mind elementals... Well... I dunno. Maybe random hazel, since it's so rare? Or just make them purpl-ish? I don't know. Light/Dark eyes could be random as well, just with a lighter/darker hue to the relative color. A Light elemental with, say, brown eyes are going to have a light brown, whereas if they were of the Dark element, they'd be dark brown, almost black from a distance. Antimatter/Cosmic, should have dead opal-like eyes, that never seem to be the same when you look at them from a different angle. Or something.
Personality wise, Fire elementals would like spicy food, dance in some sort of erotic fashion, be very passionate about things, etc. etc. I'm sure you could infer as to what the other elements are, but I could go on...
SO I JUST MADE A smallTOWER POST DESCRIBING ONLY THEIR EYES AND PERSONALITIES. EXPECT MORE.
You read all of it? 0_o
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.06 (14:56)
by SkyPanda
I haven't finished reading it yet, but I like the writing style. :)
Uhh if you really want critique, maybe try find alternative words to hyphenated ones, such as "needle-y"
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.06 (16:45)
by Skyling
Eh. It's not surrealist enough.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.06 (16:47)
by noops
Tunco123 wrote:Might wrote:It's about time!
Here's some ideas that (I believe) I've already told you, but are posting here for the general public.
In terms of elements, I don't think we should get to fancy. Some ideas are:
"Natural", or "physical" elements, such as: Fire, Water, Earth/Rock, Tree/Nature, Air/Electric, Iron, who knows.
And there should be "Spiritual", or, maybe "Moral" elements, such as: Ethereal, Mind, Light, Dark, Antimatter/Cosmic. Naturally, these would be rarer than the other ones, with Dark & Light tied for least-rare of this group, an Antimatter/Cosmic tied for most rare. Or something.
Dis/credit any of these.
I know I've told you this, I'm posting this more for everybody else, but I think that the persons element should be reflected by their selves, there beings, such as the way they dress, what they eat, etc. I realize that this would (most likely) be immensely difficult, but still. I'm just throwing ideas out there. For example, A Tree/Nature elemental would have green eyes, whereas a Rock/Earth elemental would have brown eyes. Fire elementals would have brown with an orange hue/tint, water elementals would have, of course, blue eyes, iron elementals would have gray eyes, and so on.
The Spiritual elements would be a bit trickier. You could make it so that they're all hazel, or something. Ethereal elementals would have neutral eyes, milky white/gray ones. Mind elementals... Well... I dunno. Maybe random hazel, since it's so rare? Or just make them purpl-ish? I don't know. Light/Dark eyes could be random as well, just with a lighter/darker hue to the relative color. A Light elemental with, say, brown eyes are going to have a light brown, whereas if they were of the Dark element, they'd be dark brown, almost black from a distance. Antimatter/Cosmic, should have dead opal-like eyes, that never seem to be the same when you look at them from a different angle. Or something.
Personality wise, Fire elementals would like spicy food, dance in some sort of erotic fashion, be very passionate about things, etc. etc. I'm sure you could infer as to what the other elements are, but I could go on...
SO I JUST MADE A smallTOWER POST DESCRIBING ONLY THEIR EYES AND PERSONALITIES. EXPECT MORE.
You read all of it? 0_o
I read all of it a while ago, then he made some recent changes, and I read all of it again. We've been mostly conversing about it through Facebook.
Actually... I had more to write, I just forgot it all... O_o.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.06 (20:55)
by otters
Skyline wrote:Eh. It's not surrealist enough.
Yeah, I haven't added anything about the flying blue crime-fighting watermelons yet.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.06 (22:07)
by SlappyMcGee
SkyPanda wrote:I haven't finished reading it yet, but I like the writing style. :)
Uhh if you really want critique, maybe try find alternative words to hyphenated ones, such as "needle-y"
SkyPanda knows nothing of the Whedonized culture we nerds live in!
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.06 (22:44)
by Zilla
Wight wrote:Skyline wrote:Eh. It's not surrealist enough.
Yeah, I haven't added anything about the flying blue crime-fighting watermelons yet.
Personally, I'm waiting for Ben to reveal that he was lying and that he's actually a hermaphroditic, time-traveling monkey bent on world domination using his heat vision and army of anteaters.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.07 (00:51)
by SkyPanda
Slappy wrote:SkyPanda knows nothing of the Whedonized culture we nerds live in!
*blank look*
Indeed!
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.07 (23:00)
by otters
SkyPanda wrote:Slappy wrote:SkyPanda knows nothing of the Whedonized culture we nerds live in!
*blank look*
Indeed!
You gots to have the Whedon.
I'm working on another section, gonna pastebin it up sometime.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.08 (02:43)
by noops
Wight wrote:SkyPanda wrote:Slappy wrote:SkyPanda knows nothing of the Whedonized culture we nerds live in!
*blank look*
Indeed!
You gots to have the Whedon.
I'm working on another section, gonna pastebin it up sometime.
Coolness! If it's not to much trouble, could you use the same link, just edit it into it? Much obliged if you actually do.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.08 (16:10)
by otters
No. Pastebin makes a new URL for every edit.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.09 (20:23)
by noops
Er...If you don't mind my asking, where... Where is it?
Side note: I'm using my sisters iPod at the moment, so my posts may seem jumbled. Sorry.
Re: A few pages.
Posted: 2009.07.10 (03:08)
by otters~1
Zilla wrote:hermaphroditic anteaters
Now
that is promising.
Re: A few pages. (Ed: 60 pages)
Posted: 2009.07.11 (18:18)
by otters
Updated!
Re: A few pages. (Ed: 60 pages)
Posted: 2009.07.11 (20:57)
by yungerkid
The beginning was rather boring. Two people sitting there: one of them says, "I appreciate that I can talk to you". And then the romantic element is awkwardly introduced, to get the reader's hormones and emotions partially invested in the story a bit. They sit there quietly for a bit. One of them then says, "Have you ever thought that we're meant for something more?", and then they both go "AAGHHH" and have panic attacks, and lie on the ground for a bit. That's where I stopped reading, but it seemed generic and overdetailed. Rambling. Without much depth. You don't give me much reason to continue reading. (Those are the negative elements)
Re: A few pages. (Ed: 60 pages)
Posted: 2009.07.11 (22:45)
by otters
yungerkid wrote:(Those are the negative elements)
You don't say?