My Poems

Postby **Why Me** » 2008.11.03 (09:37)

I'm usually not good at writing poems, but today I wrote three really good ones:

The caves of darkness; caves of fraught
I the night I thought of naught
The mines; the red; the gleaming gore
In the darkness evermore
And the trees all tall and green
I must stay hidden; be not seen
Now you will see me no more
And this map deserves a four.

from here.

Emptiness

Emptiness of the ring that enslaves us all
To the very end of death's sweet call
O'er the mountains of love's high peaks
And into the valleys of dreaded lonely weeks
I am me who is to say
What true love means anyway
A plane of grass; a sea of blue
The one I see; that is you

From here.

Your Gentle Curves

The gentle curves, the gentle touch
Of your body I love so much
In the night let me despair
I run my fingers through your hair.
Your soft skin, your gentle lips
As I touch with fingertips
I feel you shake within my grip
And I will never let you slip
Your gentle curves, your unclenched fist
As i long for the everlasting kiss
I run my fingers over your skin
And I can't wait for the subtle hint
Your gentle curves, your beating heart
I say it so, let it be art

I wrote it to my girlfriend about half an hour ago.

What do you all think?

http://nmaps.net/user/jackass77 · Postby **jackass** » 2008.11.03 (11:58)

Wow i liked them .. theyre good ,,, i myself enjoy poetry so yer i quite liked them.

Also i gotta say BAHAHAHAHAHA i loved the first one

FUNNY LINE wrote:And this map deserves a four.

http://nmaps.net/user/TribulatioN · Postby **TribulatioN** » 2008.11.03 (23:40)

The first one was my personal favourite. A great tribute? I think yes.
I'm a little iffy on the other two though. Not that great for the composition. And the natural flow is a tiny bit off.

You know, I think you can really try free verse poems, and not have rhyming schemes. You have the potential too.

http://nmaps.net/user/donfuy · Postby **Donfuy** » 2008.11.04 (00:06)

That third poem... is freakin' awesome.

The second is great too.

http://nmaps.net/user/yungerkid · Postby **yungerkid** » 2008.11.04 (02:04)

"your body I love so much"

O_o not sure how she'll take that...

http://nmaps.net/user/fingersonthefrets · Postby **fingersonthefrets** » 2008.11.04 (02:36)

The gentle curves Of your body I love so much
I feel Your gentle curves
I run my fingers over your gentle curves

summary of the third poem ^ (have only deleted sections)

http://nmaps.net/user/yungerkid · Postby **yungerkid** » 2008.11.04 (06:34)

@fotf: you can't summarize a poem without changing its meaning. that's not entirely what the third poem said. you also have to consider the connotations that were brought up by some of the lyrical language. it's more than just words. thus, you can't summarize. wait...was that tongue-in-cheek?

Postby **Why Me** » 2008.11.04 (06:41)

yungerkid wrote:wait...was that tongue-in-cheek?

Yes. Yes it was.

Postby **Why Me** » 2008.11.04 (08:12)

yungerkid wrote:"your body I love so much"

O_o not sure how she'll take that...

Well she already read it and said that it was amazing. In fact, she said that she had no words to describe it. And besides, it's mostly tongue-in-cheek anyway.

http://nmaps.net/user/yungerkid · Postby **yungerkid** » 2008.11.05 (02:42)

ahh, i see. glad it turned out well!

http://nmaps.net/user/fingersonthefrets · Postby **fingersonthefrets** » 2008.11.05 (06:10)

haha. no. i was completely serious. nothing i left out did anything to the poem.

Metanet Forums

My Poems

Who is online