Metanet 0ths Thread

[macrohenry]

Retook 95-2. ;) Also retook 83-3 by more than 2 seconds with a few innovations.

[jasdanu]

Is there an over quota up for everyone right now?

[ska]

Is there an over quota up for everyone right now?

yep. been switching on and off for me.

[EddyMataGallos]

Retook 95-2. ;) Also retook 83-3 by more than 2 seconds with a few innovations.

Retook both :D And let me say, I loved those 83-3 innovations, the final push is neat. Sorry my internet broke so I won't be able to submit my 0ths/scores regularly.
Also took 78-3, 96-2, 18-0, 74-2 and 9-4.

Sorry for 78-3, I know it was your biggest lead but that made it my biggest difference as well haha. Beautiful route by the way.

I've also been cleaning most of my level 9ths and 8ths, and as a result I've claimed back the Total and Average Points Rankings 0th as well. Interestingly I think I'm currently at my peak, because I believe I never reached 10800 points. Oh btw, I also finally reached an average rank of 2nd! That's something I planned on doing but left before accomplising it, last year.

Btw, I'm also getting that Over Quota thing on NUMA.

[alsojp27ace]

Awesome runs Eddy, its crazy how much time you/macro are cleaning from these runs in your battles. I'm surprised by just how much time was left at the end of 78-3.
Gratz on reclaiming the points ranking 0th too.

[TheRealOne]

Retook 95-2. ;) Also retook 83-3 by more than 2 seconds with a few innovations.

Retook both :D And let me say, I loved those 83-3 innovations, the final push is neat. Sorry my internet broke so I won't be able to submit my 0ths/scores regularly.
Also took 78-3, 96-2, 18-0, 74-2 and 9-4.

Sorry for 78-3, I know it was your biggest lead but that made it my biggest difference as well haha. Beautiful route by the way.

I've also been cleaning most of my level 9ths and 8ths, and as a result I've claimed back the Total and Average Points Rankings 0th as well. Interestingly I think I'm currently at my peak, because I believe I never reached 10800 points. Oh btw, I also finally reached an average rank of 2nd! That's something I planned on doing but left before accomplising it, last year.

Btw, I'm also getting that Over Quota thing on NUMA.

I am just straight gobsmacked at these runs you are pumping out Eddy. I love the Eddy, Macro battle going on right now. Time to grab some popcorn.

[ska]

Retook 95-2. ;) Also retook 83-3 by more than 2 seconds with a few innovations.

Retook both :D And let me say, I loved those 83-3 innovations, the final push is neat. Sorry my internet broke so I won't be able to submit my 0ths/scores regularly.
Also took 78-3, 96-2, 18-0, 74-2 and 9-4.

Sorry for 78-3, I know it was your biggest lead but that made it my biggest difference as well haha. Beautiful route by the way.

I've also been cleaning most of my level 9ths and 8ths, and as a result I've claimed back the Total and Average Points Rankings 0th as well. Interestingly I think I'm currently at my peak, because I believe I never reached 10800 points. Oh btw, I also finally reached an average rank of 2nd! That's something I planned on doing but left before accomplising it, last year.

Btw, I'm also getting that Over Quota thing on NUMA.

You're only 1st on the average points ranking, trailing Kool-Aid. I couldn't believe that you had overtaken kool in that aspect, but I did think... maybe...?

Also well done on all your runs - especially 18-0, it's even cleaner than I was hoping for... getting that fall part optimized in the top-right was something I struggled to get consistently.

RE: 09-4 - I knew my run was cleanable, and it still is. watch the start of my run against yours to see a subtle innovation that saves precious frames.

[macrohenry]

Losing 5 0ths on one day... I know, highscoring works like this: Gaining and losing 0ths, but that's just no fun anymore... Especially because of 78-3.

[crunchytoast]

Losing 5 0ths on one day... I know, highscoring works like this: Gaining and losing 0ths, but that's just no fun anymore... Especially because of 78-3.

I don't think you really lost them all on one day... he just submitted them all at once... so it seems a bigger blow...

boot and rally man... you can take them back...

[macrohenry]

Losing 5 0ths on one day... I know, highscoring works like this: Gaining and losing 0ths, but that's just no fun anymore... Especially because of 78-3.

I don't think you really lost them all on one day... he just submitted them all at once... so it seems a bigger blow...

boot and rally man... you can take them back...

While I'm busy retaking them, Eddy has already taken half of my other 0ths. It's pure frustration and nothing else. And I thought I was good at this game. Ska, you can add to my wikia page that my largest amount of 0ths ever held is 160. You might say now that I'm a bad loser, maybe I am, but that hit me so hard it made me cry.
To be honest, there's not much left worth living for in my life and this doesn't make it any better. Seriously.

Sorry, had to say that.

[crunchytoast]

Losing 5 0ths on one day... I know, highscoring works like this: Gaining and losing 0ths, but that's just no fun anymore... Especially because of 78-3.

I don't think you really lost them all on one day... he just submitted them all at once... so it seems a bigger blow...

boot and rally man... you can take them back...

While I'm busy retaking them, Eddy has already taken half of my other 0ths. It's pure frustration and nothing else. And I thought I was good at this game. Ska, you can add to my wikia page that my largest amount of 0ths ever held is 160. You might say now that I'm a bad loser, maybe I am, but that hit me so hard it made me cry.
To be honest, there's not much left worth living for in my life and this doesn't make it any better. Seriously.

Sorry, had to say that.

in any other forum I'd say you're trolling... but these pages always seemed so free of all that shit...

just cause eddy's taken a few 0ths from you doesn't mean you're a bad player... there's a reason he's the current grandmaster... you're an amazing player... don't let this get you down..

[macrohenry]

It's not the fact that I lost some 0ths. It's the feeling of always being second best, in N and in my reallife. I know that this is the totally wrong place for posting this and I apologize for that. But I just have to let that out. Sorry.

[alsojp27ace]

In my opinion you are just as good as Eddy, you two are just in a completely separate league to everyone else.
I know it sucks to lose 0ths, but that doesn't by any means make you a bad player, in fact you are the outright favourite for player of the year Dronie 2013.

I also don't believe that you have reached your peak yet, you are one of the youngest players in the community, and I still think you will one day be Grandmaster.
I and everyone else greatly enjoy watching your runs, try not to let this dishearten you.

[ska]

In my opinion you are just as good as Eddy, you two are just in a completely separate league to everyone else.
I know it sucks to lose 0ths, but that doesn't by any means make you a bad player, in fact you are the outright favourite for player of the year Dronie 2013.

I also don't believe that you have reached your peak yet, you are one of the youngest players in the community, and I still think you will one day be Grandmaster.
I and everyone else greatly enjoy watching your runs, try not to let this dishearten you.

yeah, what the hell man? When I was your age (did i really just say that?), I was just stoked to get on the top-20 boards, and they weren't really that hard to get onto upon reflection.

You are young and all of us highscorers have a lot of respect for your skill and dedication. Listen to the latest podcast episode if you haven't already, maybe you will realise just how respected you really are. (I already PM'd it to you, but just in case)
Plus - favourite to win Dronie for Player of the Year is indeed impressive.

[macrohenry]

I know that what I wrote must sound completely ridiculous to all of you. You're probably thinking "WTF, it's just a game!". Of course it is, but each disappointment weighs a lot under my current circumstances. But back to topic: I hope you have fun watching Ep83 although it's not clean at all.

EDIT: Retook 78-3. I feel better now...

[ska]

I know that what I wrote must sound completely ridiculous to all of you. You're probably thinking "WTF, it's just a game!". Of course it is, but each disappointment weighs a lot under my current circumstances. But back to topic: I hope you have fun watching Ep83 although it's not clean at all.

Not at all, mate.

So, I'm writing a book right now, and when I thought I'd lost 3-4 hours of work, I was devastated.
I'd compare that to spending 3-4 hours perfecting a difficult level - and nailing a practically flawless run - only to have my .sol file be erased somehow before I get a chance to submit it.

However, this isn't what's happening to you. I would rather give it my best, and be surpassed by a legitimately better run, than the former example I gave to you. It gives you something to strive for - a motivation to improve yourself.

In my life - as recent as the last couple of years, in fact - I was taking anti-depressants. I felt like I was a failure; that I wasn't achieving the basic level of happiness that I aspired to reach. I think of contentedness as an enduring state of mind, whereas I consider 'happiness' to be a temporary state of mind, with no guaranteed continuity. Would you rather be a a drug addict who experiences incredible highs, only to spend most of your life in remorseful sadness and despair? Of course you wouldn't.

In your life, (not just N), appreciate the scope of your achievements like a successful poker player, instead of taking individual beats personally. If you live life with expectations of perfection, you will always be met with failure. Relish a challenge, give it your best, and take satisfaction in your efforts and application instead of focusing purely on your results. In time, success will find you, if you can dedicate yourself to the way of the ninja.

P.S. I promise I'm not high right now.

[macrohenry]

If you live life with expectations of perfection, you will always be met with failure. Relish a challenge, give it your best, and take satisfaction in your efforts and application instead of focusing purely on your results.

That seems to be my problem. And I have an idea where this could come from. In my very early years, when I was about 8-10 I was by far the best pupil in my class and at around the same time I discovered playing the piano as a hobby and I became very very good very very quickly. I was extremely successful in that phase of my life. I could imagine that this success has somehow become my standard without wanting and knowing. But now that I'm growing up and school (as an easy example) is getting more difficult and stressful my grades aren't as good as they used to be although they're still great. But I had to realize that I'm not always the best anymore. I guess that's what made me sad. I don't see a way to "lower my standard" so I'm not disappointed anymore if someone's better at something. But time will show how to solve this problem. I don't want to bother you with my personal problems anymore, but I'll definitely keep your words in mind. Thank you! :)

[ska]

If you live life with expectations of perfection, you will always be met with failure. Relish a challenge, give it your best, and take satisfaction in your efforts and application instead of focusing purely on your results.

That seems to be my problem. And I have an idea where this could come from. In my very early years, when I was about 8-10 I was by far the best pupil in my class and at around the same time I discovered playing the piano as a hobby and I became very very good very very quickly. I was extremely successful in that phase of my life. I could imagine that this success has somehow become my standard without wanting and knowing. But now that I'm growing up and school (as an easy example) is getting more difficult and stressful my grades aren't as good as they used to be although they're still great. But I had to realize that I'm not always the best anymore. I guess that's what made me sad. I don't see a way to "lower my standard" so I'm not disappointed anymore if someone's better at something. But time will show how to solve this problem. I don't want to bother you with my personal problems anymore, but I'll definitely keep your words in mind. Thank you! :)

I will prescribe you with this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug4CunfCQx0

[999_Springs]

best thing for you to do if you're feeling frustrated over playing n is simply to take a break. it's probably not the sort of thing you wouldn't expect to hear, but it seems that you're overly frustrated that you're putting conscious time and effort into taking these 0ths (which are incredible, by the way) and then having your work undone by eddy or whomever and feeling like you're not making progress. it's a bit like poker as ska said, you're doing something that may result in you putting work in to get a negative expected reward. instead, take a break, do things that are their own reward, and reconsider how you feel about n. this forces you to reevaluate how you prioritise what's important and what's not in your life. you may even consider moving to n v2 if anything there takes your fancy.

with regards to your life's successes in earlier years: success is only really determined relative to your peer group, because there isn't really any other way to quantify it. if you had a particularly purple patch in your life you may start to feel frustrated that you can't maintain those standards, simply because the people around you change, even when you don't notice that. i know that, speaking from the point of view of someone who never held more than four metanet 0ths at the same time, my opinion barely counts for anything here but for what it's worth, i coasted through secondary school with perfect grades and national acclaim for mathematics ability [/show-off], now at university doing maths i'm surrounded by enough super mathsy brainpower that i'm maybe like top 20% but certainly nothing to brag about. also i can't fucking get an internship and i really despise that

speaking of poker, by the way, the secret to winning at poker is as follows: everyone tells you the best poker hand is pocket aces but in reality it's 10-5 offsuit. that's because 10-5 is the only possible hand from which you can make all ten different types of straights and offsuit means you can make two different types of flushes. also you can make twice as many types of triples and quads than any pocket pair does. statistically aces are a favourite against 10-5 offsuit but when you do hit your monster hands you're supposed to bet bigger thereby gaining more money when you do win.

[ska]

best thing for you to do if you're feeling frustrated over playing n is simply to take a break. it's probably not the sort of thing you wouldn't expect to hear, but it seems that you're overly frustrated that you're putting conscious time and effort into taking these 0ths (which are incredible, by the way) and then having your work undone by eddy or whomever and feeling like you're not making progress. it's a bit like poker as ska said, you're doing something that may result in you putting work in to get a negative expected reward. instead, take a break, do things that are their own reward, and reconsider how you feel about n. this forces you to reevaluate how you prioritise what's important and what's not in your life. you may even consider moving to n v2 if anything there takes your fancy.

with regards to your life's successes in earlier years: success is only really determined relative to your peer group, because there isn't really any other way to quantify it. if you had a particularly purple patch in your life you may start to feel frustrated that you can't maintain those standards, simply because the people around you change, even when you don't notice that. i know that, speaking from the point of view of someone who never held more than four metanet 0ths at the same time, my opinion barely counts for anything here but for what it's worth, i coasted through secondary school with perfect grades and national acclaim for mathematics ability [/show-off], now at university doing maths i'm surrounded by enough super mathsy brainpower that i'm maybe like top 20% but certainly nothing to brag about. also i can't fucking get an internship and i really despise that

speaking of poker, by the way, the secret to winning at poker is as follows: everyone tells you the best poker hand is pocket aces but in reality it's 10-5 offsuit. that's because 10-5 is the only possible hand from which you can make all ten different types of straights and offsuit means you can make two different types of flushes. also you can make twice as many types of triples and quads than any pocket pair does. statistically aces are a favourite against 10-5 offsuit but when you do hit your monster hands you're supposed to bet bigger thereby gaining more money when you do win.

psh... a flush that will get cracked by a handful of higher flushes. that's a recipe for disaster! Plus, since they're not even suited, you jut make your chance of hitting a flush worse, too. Maybe you were just joking, but if you weren't, I'd love to have a game against you for money.

I better not be getting ambushed by a poker hustler right now.

[EddyMataGallos]

Wow a lot of things happened, gonna try to answer some of them, including a rant to try to help macrohenry out and anyone else feeling a little weird with themselves, its just some reflections I've been maturating over months that have really helped me out feel comfortable, and I'm of course talking about real life, but first, I'll reply to the N-related stuff:

You're only 1st on the average points ranking, trailing Kool-Aid. I couldn't believe that you had overtaken kool in that aspect, but I did think... maybe...?

Also well done on all your runs - especially 18-0, it's even cleaner than I was hoping for... getting that fall part optimized in the top-right was something I struggled to get consistently.

RE: 09-4 - I knew my run was cleanable, and it still is. watch the start of my run against yours to see a subtle innovation that saves precious frames.

Damn you are right, I don't know why, but I tend to mentally ignore him on the average rank rankings because he just worked on 0ths and only has like 50 scores in total, but yeah you are defintely right there :P

As for the 9-4 innov, if you mean releasing "right" for a sec so you hit the top corner and get pushed down more quickly before the perp, I'm already using that, although I think you got it a little faster. If not, I'm not noticing!

I don't think you really lost them all on one day... he just submitted them all at once... so it seems a bigger blow...

boot and rally man... you can take them back...

You are right, I actually took those 0ths in 3 different afternoons (by the way, the fact that 5 of those 0ths were from macro, shouldn't lead you to consider that means I'm aiming at his 0ths, because I'm not, its just that the chances of a 0th thats not mine being his, are pretty high), in particular, I took 78-3 the first afternoon, retook 95-2 and 83-3 the following, and took the other 4 the following.

Now, I have to say, I hate doing this, it seems like a dirty trick to submit them all at once. The only reason I'm doing this is because my internet broke as I already said, so I only get a few occasions when to connect to the internet (my neighbours hahah), but I apologize if this is causing problems, I can't do it other way for the moment.

While I'm busy retaking them, Eddy has already taken half of my other 0ths. It's pure frustration and nothing else. And I thought I was good at this game. Ska, you can add to my wikia page that my largest amount of 0ths ever held is 160. You might say now that I'm a bad loser, maybe I am, but that hit me so hard it made me cry.
To be honest, there's not much left worth living for in my life and this doesn't make it any better. Seriously.

Sorry, had to say that.

Sorry if those previous 0ths made you think I was aiming at you, but I can asure you I wasn't, all of those 7 0ths have an actual reason: 78-3 was my biggest diff, 83-3 and 95-2 I was retaking them, and the other 4, were level 8ths and 9ths for me, which as I said, I spent time cleaning them, and eventually took some of them (those 4).

--- <Real-life> ---

Now, I've also read all your other posts regarding your personal life below this one, and this is one of those topics in which in real life I would rant for hours with my friends, so I'm going to reply to all of them now. I'm basically going to say, that life is so idealized nowadays; well, the population has always had such an idealized concept of what life is, of what "success" is, of what things you have to do to achieve self-realization... which, for me personally, is total bullshit. Let me briefly explain my opinion, I suggest you read it because this consideration has really helped me in real life, and I want to share it with you in the hopes that it ends up helping you as well.

Self-realization is nothing more that an excuse, a shorcut for the weak to feel 'good' and to feel comfortable with their lives, but the truth is that, from a rational point of view, there really is no goal at all in life, there are no trascendental events, AT ALL. And since all that shit thats considered "success" is nothing more that the result of doing those actions that aim for this socially accepted self-realization bullshit, we could also argue that the intuitive meaning of the word "success" that we all have, is not that intuitive really. What society considers "success" tends to be bullshit. Not only its really subjective, but overall I don't even think there is a need for that word in the society.

Let me explain this, If you want to achieve that mental comfortability, which I'd say is the only thing we have to aim for in life, apart from physical comfortability, the only thing you have to do is do whatever you enjoy, whatever makes you comfortable (without intervening on others comfortability of course, or else I'd be being hypocratic, I'm not saying you go kick people in the nuts for fun), regardless what the socially accepted events are, regardless what society keeps imbuing on all people's minds. So what if you don't write a book or travel to Italy? You get what I'm trying to say? If you understand this concept of life as I do, there's no need to aim for any socially accepted self-realization action, or sign of success, because in reality that's what life is about, its about nothing. There's nothing here man, there is nothing trascendental. I know I already said this, but I want to emphasize on the fact that life is just the period of time that the matter we are composed of, has awareness of its own existance, hence the only real goal we should have is, since we have to pass this time, try to pass it as comfortable as possible. /That/ is the physical and mental comfortability I've been talking about on the paragraphs above. I might be going too philosophical here, but I'm serious though, if you do understand life this way you will see what I mean, and you will see why I say that you should do whatever you enjoy, and forget about all that success/self-realization shit, all that aiming for perfection at the cost of losing the fun of it, and basically forget about all 'aiming' except for the aim for comfortability. Nothing is trascendental so neither is the socially promised "success", which is nothing more than a temporary illusion which really has no effect whatsoever in mental comfortability.

As an example, myself, I'm right now living pretty comfortable, both physically and mentally, and I'm being foresighted and also trying my best at my studies to try to secure, or at least increase the possibilities, of a future job, which is just another way of saying 'future comfortability'. So, from my point of view of life, I'm already doing all I can, and I don't really care about anything else. All that bullshit I talked about, which most people of my age and most ages really tend to blindly follow, I just don't even think about it, I don't mind, its not relevant for life from my point of view, and its definitely not a requirement to achieve my personal comfortability, which has really nothing to do with all that self-realization bullshit. This consideration of life makes me truly, truly mentally calmed and serene, and you can't believe how good that feels, I wish I had had all these reflections earlier. I have no more regrets when I do or spend time doing something that is socially considered to be useless because it doesn't aim for life success nor self-realization, or because I don't achieve them, both of which, are just bullshit excuses as I already said.

To conclude: Live your own life and enjoy it and you will be perfectly comfortable both physically and mentally, that is the true goal or success on life, if any really exists, and nothing else. Frustration should only appear when this doesn't happen, but never else. I hope this helped you, I recommend you read it in detail and reconsider your idea of life and what it is about, with your own opinions, because the result of making these reflections by yourself and reaching your own conclusion is really what benefits you the most, I can tell by experience its not easy to finally convince yourself, I havent come up with these thoughts right now out of the blue, its the result of a long time feeling weird with myself and my life and reconsidering everything and reflecting, sometimes hours a day, but the result is that I'm now free of any existential doubt whatsoever and I feel really comfortable both physically and mentally, which is something I infer from your post you are not completely, and thats why I wanted to share this with you, and maybe with anyone else feeling weird (I also read that about anti-depressants ska, so this might help), in the hopes that it helps you as much as it did to me. Don't just limit to reading this, do your own reflections and take your time, meditate this until you too, feel like me.

--- </Real-life> ---

I hope that could be understood properly, these reflections tend to be too complicate to be put in words, and even more on a foreign language for me like english. But anyway, out of the rant now, in regards to N, when I was 16 like I believe you are right now, it was 2011 and so I was just starting in Metanet highscoring, and you are already far more accomplished in N highscoring than I was back then, just in case this serves as another reason to encourage/motivate you, though really the rant should already serve for that :P If you want, you can take a break, though I don't think its necessary, as soon as you do some of those reflections I mentioned you will feel super awesome with yourself ;)

Back to N, took 99-3 and 33-4, none of them was yours btw :P But that was not on purpose! haha.

[MiBeM]

I also have a very perfectionistic attitude, which is both a blessing and a curse - it makes me try hard to reach my goals, but I get frustrated really easily when I fail to do something as well as I would have liked to. Thanks for the inspiring words, Eddy, I think they will be helpful trying to get rid of my excessive self-criticism.

[ska]

...because in reality that's what life is about, its about nothing. There's nothing here man, there is nothing trascendental.

This is one of those things that a truly rational personal will eventually realize - often met with resistance and grief - until you realize it is actually a good thing that there is no afterlife, no heaven or hell. That we have on shot to make this life count - to not waste it. Obviously, if you are extremely religious, you will disagree with me, but those that share this train of thought should understand my explanation clearly.

I havent come up with these thoughts right now out of the blue, its the result of a long time feeling weird with myself and my life and reconsidering everything and reflecting, sometimes hours a day, but the result is that I'm now free of any existential doubt whatsoever and I feel really comfortable both physically and mentally, which is something I infer from your post you are not completely, and thats why I wanted to share this with you, and maybe with anyone else feeling weird (I also read that about anti-depressants ska, so this might help)

It's the same for me, as highlighted in my previous paragraph. Existential doubt can magnify the already stressful/tumultuous experience of a young person (and older too.) I myself, am mostly comfortable with my own decisions, and am willing to face any possible repercussions like a responsible adult should. Macrohenry is only 16, and I hope you will be more equipped to deal with these problems as you gain more life experience.

BTW, I knew about that 33-4 improvement possibility, and honestly, was just hoping nobody found it :P

[macrohenry]

Reading everything you guys have posted I think I managed to relax a bit and appreciate what I have at the moment. I also realized how much pressure I put on myself by having this "perfectionistic attitude" that MiBeM mentioned, in N and in reallife. Learning from mistakes or even laughing about them is much more valuable than criticizing yourself for them. Mistakes are human and nobody can be perfect. I hope this attitude will give me some mental strength and help me to overcome crises. Of course this doesn't solve all my problems at once, some simply require action, but it's a good start.

I took a step back from this "excessive highscoring" I did the last weeks and dedicated some time to episode 0ths instead which are much easier to get than level 0ths. Took Ep53, Ep56, 56-0 and Ep78. Eru's TES and Episode Points are beaten. :) Nice runs, Eddy btw. Go and reach 71.9k!

[zoasBE]

macrohenry, sorry in advance to come here quite late, but I just wanted to write to you some words. And also excuse me if my way of saying things is not the most pleasant there, since I'm usually a little rough, but that's life and that's how you have to accept it. You are aware of the feeling that I have for you, and the appreciation I've got you, and I want to say this. I'm 28 years old, and although it has cost me some time (I'm a bit perfectionist too), I realized that in life you can not really have great aspirations, but one can not help but be excited about little things, simply must have a little harmony between both, not to thrilled but still be excites with things, just balance. When I look at my boss, I envy to be him, but when I was on other things, he was trying to be what I now look and envy. What I want to say with that is that in life you can not always be the best in everything you do, it is just impossible. You can not be the best in school while be the best playing piano and playing N while be the best friend and lover, no way, it is impossible. The time you employ trying to be the best at something, it's the time you're missing employing in trying to be the best at anything else, and it's the time that someone else is just using to be the best at it. If you want to be the best pianist, you will have to devote time to other things, leaving school, leaving N, and only play the piano. All I want you to convey is that you should be proud to be really great in almost everything you do, really great, great student, great pianist and practically the best player of N, perhaps not the best, but great at everything. And if you want to be the best and the beast, you know what to do, but I'm sure you do not reward, it will be better to accept that you're great at almost everything you do but not the best, it is easier and you will consume less time and effort. Look at me, I'm not the best mapper, I have no girlfriend, not many friends, not finished my studies, and I am an employee and subordinate, but I try to be happy and enjoy writting this comment, enjoy everything I do.

Just to finish, I want tell you to never stop doing what you love and what you enjoy, regardless of your results, if you love doing, keep doing it. For me, and I'm sure for everyone too, you are impressive.