The Dark Room Game

Play messageboard games, do silly question-and-answer things, and just waste some time with your fellow forum-goers. Post count does not accumulate. No pie allowed.
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Postby Qwubble » 2009.01.03 (03:07)

The Dark room...the very dark room. Everything you find kills you. Here's how it works, (I'll just use a couple of examples) Remember, it's a dark room. NOBODY CAN LIVE AFTER FINDING SOMETHING!!!!!

Person1: I found an apple

Person2: You choked on the apple
I found a T.V.
Person3: You didn't see how big the T.V. was, it falls and crushes you
I found some Ice Cream.

and so on


I'll start it with this

I found a glass of water
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Postby sheganican » 2009.01.03 (03:11)

i think this might've been done before.

the glass of water pulls a gun on you.

i found a computer.


and so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon i suppose.
- Billy Joel

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Postby sheganican » 2009.01.03 (03:55)

it swallows you whole.

i found BE_nSPIRED's shoe.


and so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon i suppose.
- Billy Joel

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Postby Qwubble » 2009.01.03 (04:11)

You tripped on it and you were kicked to death by your shoe
I found a small 3x2x4 foot cardboard box
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Postby sheganican » 2009.01.03 (04:13)

you spend days trying to figure out which side is up and then forget to eat and die.

then i find the ion cannon and blow you up.

i find your smoldering ashes.


and so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon i suppose.
- Billy Joel

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Postby sheganican » 2009.01.03 (04:17)

i jump out from behind it and asplode you with my ion cannon.

i find a capslock key.


and so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon i suppose.
- Billy Joel

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Postby Sithmaster » 2009.01.03 (05:01)

I see what you did there


I find safety, happiness, and light (but not enough to blind me)
quotes of the old forum

Blue_Tetris: Wait, wait wait. Does this mean I can break the rules to provoke a reaction and not get banned?
...awesome! The next few days are gonna be some fun.

Someguy: Eagles may soar in the sky, but weasels never get sucked right into a jet engine

Steven Colbert: I see patterns where they don't where they don't exist!!!

Mosh: Fishing for fish only works if the fish are hungry. Don't ask the fish why they don't bite. Rather, consider why they aren't biting.
Or simply chuck a grenade in the lake, pick up the dead fish, and call it a day.

capt_weasle: Mare is actually reagan who is really Tsukatu, who is actually just God. And you can't say he isn't because that would mean he doesnt believe in himself. He just has a low self esteem. Poor guy.

Palemoon:thanks, maestro. Now i can stop smearing paste on my face with a broom

Animator:Eat those poor gingerbread men? For shame. Do you know how many widows are in a gingerbread family? Millions. They have been fighting a war with humanity ever since they were made just to survive and live, with no luck! Think of the children, man! Those poor gingerbread children who are orpahns now, because their moms and dads were eaten, AND THEY WILL SHARE THE SAME FATE TOO! It's saddening. Please, go out there and raise money to save this ever-endangered reality of sugar and bread. Please, for the sake of this kind... think of the oven.

Player 1:You may very well be the first person on the planet to have his faced caved in by a fistful of turkey. Congratulations.

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Click here to feed me a Rare Candy!
Get your own at Pokeplushies!
Tsukatu Twilight Rant

BELLA parks her car and enters the school.
EDWARD: "Hello, Bella. I am very awkward, and I am a vampire."
Freeze frame: the text "protagonist, and also a vampire" appears, and an arrow pointing from the text to EDWARD blinks a few times.
BELLA: "I am infatuated with you." (she turns to the camera) "I am unaware that Edward is a vampire."
EDWARD: "I am infatuated with you, too, and I am a vampire."
BELLA: "Let's be awkward together." (she turns to the camera) "I am still unaware that Edward is a vampire."
EDWARD: "I completely agree, and I am very clearly a vampire."
(EDWARD does vampirey things.)
BELLA: "Thank you for saving my life."
EDWARD: "No problem, and I am a vampire."
BELLA: (to the camera) "I am beginning to suspect that Edward is not human."
EDWARD: "I am a vampire."
BELLA: "Are you a superhero?"
EDWARD: "No, I am a vampire."
BELLA: "What are you then?"
EDWARD: "I am not the good guy; I am the bad guy." (he turns to the camera) "That was a lie. I am very much the good guy." (he turns back to Bella) "Specifically, I am a vampire."
BELLA: (to the camera) "I am beginning to suspect that Edward is a vampire."

JACOB: "Hello, Bella, and I am very clearly a werewolf. Look at my wacky canines."
BELLA: "What do you have against Edward, anyway?"
JACOB: "I am a werewolf."
BELLA: "I am convinced that you are a normal human being."
JACOB: "Everyone in my tribe is a werewolf. I am in my tribe; I am also a werewolf. We are all werewolves."
BELLA: "I have no reason to believe that you are more than human."

And what exactly is Bella's problem? Why does she fall head-over-heels with an anti-social, almost preternaturally awkward, whiny, mascara-wearing emo cunt?

lord_day

I guess the guy who wrote XKCD was right. You can't be too stupid for youtube.

brocerius

When i say 'Abortion is murder' i mean just that; it is the taking of life - in that, from conception, a fetus is as definably life as is a bacteria, a puppy, or Stephen Hawking. This is how i think it differs from contraception, masturbation, and not screwing Dave.

Blue_Tetris quotes (all taken from a topic on abortion)

Eating vegetables instead of meat lowers your sperm count, clearly killing potential children. Vegetarians are murderers.

If a chair comes into my house and I don't want it there, I do everything in my power to remove it. What makes you think you have more rights than a chair when you go into someone else's home unannounced?

If I'm sleeping around without a condom, I'm likely to have a child too. When I wear a condom, I prevent the likely child I would have. Condoms are for murderers. I'm good at picking up dates and getting them into the sack, so if I restrain myself from going clubbing then I am prventing a potential child. Non-socialites are murderers.

GTM

What ever happened to the purpose of Christmas anyway, I thought it was about elves smacking each other over the head with a shovel whilst Santa drank whisky and egged them on.

I give you a laser printer and set it to stun

Tsukatu

Deathconsciousness: "Deism is closer to atheism than theism."
Demonz: "Oh? How's that?"
Deathconsciousness: "Well, deism is the belief that there's a-"
Demonz: *grabs airhorn* *FNNNRRRRRRRRTT*
Deathconsciousness: "..."
Demonz: *puts down airhorn* "Sorry, you were saying?"
Deathconsciousness: "...a being that created the uni-"
Demonz: *grabs airhorn* *FNNNRRRRRRRRTT*
Deathconsciousness: "..."
Demonz: *puts down airhorn* "Please continue."
Deathconsciousness: "Are you going to let me finish this time?"
Demonz: "Given that I had to stop you twice just now in the same sentence, I don't think that's likely."
*Tsukatu wanders in*
Tsukatu: "Anyone seen my airhorn?"
Demonz: "Yeah, it's right here. I needed to borrow it for a sec. I knew you wouldn't mind."
Tsukatu: "Oh, yeah, that's fine. I'm just about to head into the Okay With Gays thread."
Demonz: "Here you go." *hands Tsukatu the airhorn*
Tsukatu: "Thanks." *exits the thread*
Demonz: "Where were we?"
Deathconsciousness: "I was saying how atheists also believe th-"
Demonz: "AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"
Deathconsciousness: (startled) "What was that?"
Demonz: "Sorry, I don't have the airhorn anymore. Do go on."
Deathconsciousness: "..."
*an airhorn sounds in a nearby thread*

deathconsciousness

a lack of belief is still a belief that something in itself is lacking. please dont be arrogant.

demonzlunchbreak

What the jesus balls are you talking about?


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Postby Turiski » 2009.01.03 (05:05)

( You didn't kill him! I guess I'll do it for you )

I suffocate be_nspired with the box.
I take his ion cannon and smack sithmaster dead.

I find a video camera.
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Other Project

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Soon as in later. Probably post-December. However, aperture and I are in contact, so rest assured we are at least thinking about it.


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Postby Drathmoore » 2009.01.03 (10:20)

The infernal ringing annoys Turiski who blasts you with the ion cannon.

I find a shield.

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Postby MattKestrel » 2009.01.03 (11:14)

The shield explodes in your face. Why? Because I said so.

I don't find anything.
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Postby Drathmoore » 2009.01.03 (11:21)

You starve.

I wish for a bicycle.

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Postby jean-luc » 2009.01.03 (12:53)

Bicycles are dangerous. You run in to a telephone pole and die.

Look, a file folder.
-- I might be stupid, but that's a risk we're going to have to take. --
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Website! Photography! Robots! Facebook!
The latest computers from Japan can also perform magical operations.

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Postby Pixon » 2009.01.03 (13:50)

You don't realize that the file folder is made of glue, so when you pick it up, your hands stick to it and you can't eat, so you starve to death.

Hey look, an ice cube!
spoiler

Signatures supplied by the following: NicNac14, Tsukatu, aphex_n, Nphasis, pinkymyno1, UniverseZero, gloomp, sidke, 29403, AMomentLikeThis, Chase, Red Reamer, Izzy, MyCheezKilledYours, Techno, Donfuy juice, southpaw, IAMAMAZING, SkyRay, Skyline, Why_Me, jackass, Leaff, esay, Daikenkai, Kablamo_Boom, wumbla, Izzy, toasters, Octopod Squad, behappyy, notsteve, Shadowraith, GTM, Animator, kkstrong, TearsOfTheSaints, Spawn of Yanni, nnn, Furry Ant, ampburner, fawk. Thanks.
I have 72 signatures.

I accept signature donations.

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Postby Drathmoore » 2009.01.03 (16:02)

jean-luc wrote:Bicycles are dangerous. You run in to a telephone pole and die.
Wait... I saw a bicycle, and died by running into a telephone pole?


Sounds like me, I can hardly ride the things.


Anyway, the cube melts and you drown (you didn't specify how big. Woot, extreme Pedantic-ness (if that's even a word)).

Wait... Is that an Xbox 360 I see there?

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Postby MattKestrel » 2009.01.03 (16:05)

There's a reason they call it the Red Ring of DEATH o_O

You find a bath filled with water.
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Postby sheganican » 2009.01.03 (20:28)

you drop your wedding ring in and then jump in to save it. a monster swallows you and its intestinal fluids dissolve your flesh.

i found GTM's wedding ring!


and so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon i suppose.
- Billy Joel

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Postby lookatthisisgoodatn » 2009.01.04 (04:38)

I come in and beat the snot out of you with it.
I found eganic's snot.
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Postby sheganican » 2009.01.04 (05:05)

you choke on it.

freak.

i find a house.

a big house.


and so it goes, and so it goes, and so will you soon i suppose.
- Billy Joel

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Postby Drathmoore » 2009.01.04 (09:31)

A house of the Dead (and no, it's not the arcade game).

What happens next is kinda obvious.


I can't see anything, it's too dark.

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Postby MattKestrel » 2009.01.04 (10:26)

I find a torch and a knuckleduster, and kill you with them. The torch breaks, but I still have the knuckleduster.

And GTM's wedding ring? Ew...
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Postby lookatthisisgoodatn » 2009.01.04 (19:19)

You found it? We all embarass you with hardly relevant stuff and you commit suicide.
I found a PSP!!! But I already have one so I put it back.
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Postby lookatthisisgoodatn » 2009.01.05 (07:21)

One anagram humiliates you like my 'Car Anus' thing.
I laughed at it, though.
I find an Evoker.

...Let me guess, nobody knows what an Evoker is.
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Nobody will probably read this sentance, as it is the second to last one, so put it in your sig if you did. -brainwasher's sig.
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Postby lookatthisisgoodatn » 2009.03.02 (20:53)

Thought so. Fine, I find a pair of fake boobs.
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Postby Tunco » 2009.03.03 (11:09)

Boobs squeeze your neck and you die.

I found something{something} that can hurt nothing.
spoiler

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Postby isaacx » 2009.03.03 (13:28)

you trip on a body, you die

i find a source of light that is currently on
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