Stalking 101: How to not talk to girls

[Pheidippides]

I don't know what to do...

At least you have closure, no? Like I said, one of the options was not getting an answer. You've done good, kiddo. Rest easy. It would seem the best thing you can do now is get to know her better. Maybe you can prove her wrong about this part:

That I wouldn't like her as much if I really knew her.

Don't worry, people have come on stronger than you (me). I'm not sure what further answers you could want. You've put yourself out there; just gotta let the chips fall where they may.

[Rhekatou]

That I wouldn't like her as much if I really knew her.

My girlfriend (mentioned last page) pulled that on me when she broke up. Of course I knew she was a flirt, but compared to most of the other girls at my school she wasn't anywhere near the "most flirtatious". It really pisses me off when people do that. =\

Oh yeah, she re-emailed me today, and at somepoint in the conversation I asked her why she had broken up with me by email when she was 20 feet away when she had sent it. She said because "it was nicer and had less hard feelings". Bullshit. Later on in the conversation (on email, because she wouldn't actually talk; we were in the same room) she said I was a stalker (she keeps re-emailing me and trying to make conversation, only to ignore me seconds later), a freak, and that she would stop emailing me (like, finally!). Then, she proceeded to say I was "ruining her social life" (at the time of our breakup, she had also broken up with another one of her friends. She was friendless then, and weaviled her way into a more "popular" group.
Bitchbitchbitchbitch BITCH.

=P At least she can stop calling me a "stalker", "freak", "friendless social outcast". She resolved to stop emailing me. For the 5th time.

[otters~1]

I must be getting either too comfortable around here or too crazy to care. ;)

That's the idea, I guess.

(Hey, Jerrod, if that was you I'd be in love.)

[otters]

*towerpost*

Well, honestly, what did you expect? This is a girl you haven't spoken more than ten words to in three years? Did you not try to establish rapport before dropping the bomb?

[SlappyMcGee]

Never ever talk to this girl again.

[otters]

*towerpost*

Well, honestly, what did you expect? This is a girl you haven't spoken more than ten words to in three years? Did you not try to establish rapport before dropping the bomb?

Yeah, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but I doubt that you could have had a successful relationship with someone that you are afraid to talk to.

Demonz is absolutely right. I've been there. It just doesn't work.

[t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư]

Guys, there's this girl who's been in my class for three years who I really like. I've done everything I can think of to get her to fall for me, but I'm really out of ideas. I've tried thinking about her, I've tried staring at the back of her head, and I've tried wishing really, really hard, but nothing's coming out right. Yesterday, as I was stalking her to class, one of my friends came right up to her and asked her if she knew where I was (he needed to talk to me about something important). I was so pissed, but I managed to flee the scene before he noticed I was right there and could point me out, so I've still managed to keep her in total ignorance that I exist. And far as I know, she's never heard me speak.
But what do I do, you guys? I've tried everything.

[Spawn of Yanni]

but nothing's coming out right.

I think that may be more a medical condition than anything else.

[Pheidippides]

Talk. Open up. Share. We want to hear. This is a thread for honesty. All bashing posts will be deleted, be aforewarned.

Oops.

[SlappyMcGee]

Guys, there's this girl who's been in my class for three years who I really like. I've done everything I can think of to get her to fall for me, but I'm really out of ideas. I've tried thinking about her, I've tried staring at the back of her head, and I've tried wishing really, really hard, but nothing's coming out right. Yesterday, as I was stalking her to class, one of my friends came right up to her and asked her if she knew where I was (he needed to talk to me about something important). I was so pissed, but I managed to flee the scene before he noticed I was right there and could point me out, so I've still managed to keep her in total ignorance that I exist. And far as I know, she's never heard me speak.
But what do I do, you guys? I've tried everything.

Why do you have to be such a rotten asshole everywhere, bro? There's a time and place for everything, but you need to fuck off with "I'm above all of you kids' problems" bullshit. If you are, help find solutions, because this tired act of "sarcastic impersonation of person that makes them look stupid and me look like the wit masta'" wasn't even funky fresh to begin with.

[Destiny]

Guys, there's this girl who's been in my class for three years who I really like. I've done everything I can think of to get her to fall for me, but I'm really out of ideas. I've tried thinking about her, I've tried staring at the back of her head, and I've tried wishing really, really hard, but nothing's coming out right. Yesterday, as I was stalking her to class, one of my friends came right up to her and asked her if she knew where I was (he needed to talk to me about something important). I was so pissed, but I managed to flee the scene before he noticed I was right there and could point me out, so I've still managed to keep her in total ignorance that I exist. And far as I know, she's never heard me speak.
But what do I do, you guys? I've tried everything.

Why do you have to be such a rotten asshole everywhere, bro? There's a time and place for everything, but you need to fuck off with "I'm above all of you kids' problems" bullshit. If you are, help find solutions, because this tired act of "sarcastic impersonation of person that makes them look stupid and me look like the wit masta'" wasn't even funky fresh to begin with.

Slaps is right, this thread is serious. It's not cool to mock people like that.

[Tunco]

At least she can stop calling me a "stalker", "freak", "friendless social outcast". She resolved to stop emailing me. For the 5th time.

---

[t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư]

Hey, man, I've been helping. Maybe not with that last one, which I see in retrospect was in fact totally out of line and I apologize for, but I'm not a complete asshole.

[SlappyMcGee]

Hey, man, I've been helping. Maybe not with that last one, which I see in retrospect was in fact totally out of line and I apologize for, but I'm not a complete asshole.

I was also out of line, sorry. It was before coffee, and Folgers has my sense of humour.

Anyway, Tunco123, also be less of an asshole. Thanks.

[Amadeus]

At the risk of being insulted and put down, I'll be cliched enough to put down my own love life woes and confessions.

I've liked this girl in my 9th grade year since we started highschool, and had a few classes with her the first trimester. I'd never really pursued a relationship before, although I could have if I wanted to in middle school. I just never liked anyone, never knew anyone who I'd really like to hit it off with. So when I met her in a game of table tennis in PE class, it was the first time I'd actually had a crush or whatnot, and had no idea what to do. Fortunately, she seemed to like me too, and we we're kind of hitting it off, my awkward moments aside.
Happy story, until the trimester ends and we have no classes together. I totally chicken out of asking her out and all, and feel miserable about it. I even heard that she thought I liked someone else or something because I was sending a crappy message. I hadn't seen her for literally two months, as we just seemed to go our separate ways. I have a weird paranoia about not wanting to seem socially intrusive; in fact, I was obsessed with making sure she didn't think poorly of me in anyways. Which resulted in me not pursuing anything because of the whole "what if she doesn't like me, and think I'm..." thing.
I finally saw her again today, and in the heat of the moment, just blew it and looked away, not meeting her gaze, and just catching a smile. I think she still likes me, but I'm just ruining my chances at being with the only girl I like with my cowardice. It's cliched, it's old as hell, but that's how it is. Now I'm bent out of shape with the "what ifs."

EDIT:

Yeah, I'm not trying to be a dick here, but I doubt that you could have had a successful relationship with someone that you are afraid to talk to.

My swim coach told me before state championships, "you're nervous because you care." I've thought about that a lot, and think it's perfectly applicable here as well.

[Pheidippides]

My swim coach told me before state championships, "you're nervous because you care." I've thought about that a lot, and think it's perfectly applicable here as well.

Ha, I'm gonna use the Dune line again. The nerves do not go away, in my experience. If anything, they intensify at the moments you most wish they could be overcome. But they can't be overcome - because you care. Face them, permit them to pass through you, and while you'll still feel them, they won't stop you. Rather, they'll make for the scariest, most exciting, and most rewarding minutes of your life. Remember, courage is not acting without fear, but acting in spite of it. Take a deep breath and go for it. My coach has a sign in his office that says, "No one is going to change it but YOU." I think it's perfectly applicable here. ;)

The "what-if's" don't stop, either. Doesn't mean you should.

This concludes another list of things Pheidi wishes he had realized sooner.

Also, they're clichés because they're true.

[smartalco]

I've liked this girl in my 9th grade year since we started highschool, and had a few classes with her the first trimester.

I've only ever had schooling in semesters, not trimesters, so when you say 'trimester' and 'girl' in the same sentence, my brain things of other things.
/ramble

Since I'd feel stupid leaving the post at that, and the topic at hand seems to be about how nerds+girls=still a bunch of separate nerds and girls, I'll post my similar failings! (well, failing)

Only girl I've ever asked out, freshman year of college, got to know her through mutual friends and we happened to have a class together. I absolutely enjoyed her company more than just about anyone I've ever met, which, under my entirely logic-construct oriented brain, along with the nervous feeling of 'I don't want to screw this up', I considered good reasons to actually ask someone out and attempt to be something of a normal college guy. First time I asked her to dinner, she gave me 'I've got a project due in two days, then I'm out of town for the weekend', basically 'I'm busy', which just in the phrasing she put it, sounded like a legitimate reason to me, not just an easy letdown, and she actually is one of the busiest people I know (plus, I tend to accept things at face value, mainly because I'm also very blunt about what I think, they seem to correlate). After the second attempt lead to a nearly identical response, I figured, fuck it, if this is a legitimate reason, not trying again would be stupid, and if it is just her trying to be easy on me, what is a 3rd try gonna hurt? (Third time's a charm right?) Well, the 3rd response was worded almost exactly to 'No, and could you please stop asking me?'.
I've honored that request, and we haven't had a class together since last May, so almost all communication I've had with her since then has been in passing with a 'hey, whats up?', 'not much, how you doing?', 'good', 'good', *continue walking*. Still wishing that would have been different.

So for those kids posting here being all sad that you still don't have a girlfriend in 10th grade, just look at where it got me, Moderator of General Discussion!

[Destiny]

So for those kids posting here being all sad that you still don't have a girlfriend in 10th grade, just look at where it got me, Moderator of General Discussion!

Ahahaha, that is one of the greatest things i've ever read here on the forums :D

[otters]

So for those kids posting here being all sad that you still don't have a girlfriend in 10th grade, just look at where it got me, Moderator of General Discussion!

I can testify to alco's accuracy here--I'm all but a relationship virgin, but the Cool Guy title makes up for all I've missed!


(not really)

[Pheidippides]

So for those kids posting here being all sad that you still don't have a girlfriend in 10th grade, just look at where it got me, Moderator of General Discussion!

I can testify to alco's accuracy here--I'm all but a relationship virgin, but the Cool Guy title makes up for all I've missed!

I'm just gonna go ahead and jump on the "Single, But Totally a Mod" boat. Maybe you aspiring mods out there should try being a little more loserly like us. ;)

[Donfuy]

OH YEEEEEEEAAAAH WE ROCK
WE GOT TO EXPERIMENT /EXCITING/ AND /ENDURING/ ACTIVITIES YEAAAAAAAAAAH

[29403]

So for those kids posting here being all sad that you still don't have a girlfriend in 10th grade, just look at where it got me, Moderator of General Discussion!

I can testify to alco's accuracy here--I'm all but a relationship virgin, but the Cool Guy title makes up for all I've missed!

I'm just gonna go ahead and jump on the "Single, But Totally a Mod" boat. Maybe you aspiring mods out there should try being a little more loserly like us. ;)

The word loser is kinda harsh. I'd prefer the word 'winner', actually.

[Pheidippides]

The word loser is kinda harsh. I'd prefer the word 'winner', actually.

I say "loser" with all the endearment in the world. No harshness meant. But yes, I like "winner" too. ;)

[Rhekatou]

So for those kids posting here being all sad that you still don't have a girlfriend in 10th grade, just look at where it got me, Moderator of General Discussion!

I can testify to alco's accuracy here--I'm all but a relationship virgin, but the Cool Guy title makes up for all I've missed!

I'm just gonna go ahead and jump on the "Single, But Totally a Mod" boat. Maybe you aspiring mods out there should try being a little more loserly like us. ;)

I'm single. *wink*

[squibbles]

You know, I honestly never thought I would need to use this thread, and I was really happy to be the guy who was helping, but...yeah. Alright. Here goes.

So there is this girl right, and I was crazy in love with her. We were really close, and had known each other for years, but see, the problem was that she was my best friend. She knew how I felt, and we'd decided that it would be best for me to nut up and pretend I was cool. What then followed was an excruciating few years of her telling me of her sexual liaisons in intimate detail, many of whom were with my other really close friends. Turns out I'm one of the /only/ guys I'm friends with who hasn't stuck their tongue down her throat, and one of the few who hasn't done more. :|

In hindsight, I really don't think that she was a very good friend in that respect. I mean, there was loads of things that she would say and do that were brilliant, and we had some really good times, but I don't even understand how I could not have been angered by her actions. Perhaps I was angry, and kept it to myself, because I certainly remember that I felt it was somewhat deserved, for fucking up our friendships dynamic by not being able to control my feelings, and thus I bore the pain, thinking that it was just retribution for an immature crush.

This continued for years, and I managed somehow to keep my feelings to myself, but at times it got harder. I remember one time I was lying in a clearing next to her with 2 guitars and a bottle of rum between us, and whether the alcohol was to blame or not, it was all I could do to stop myself from making a move on her. Other times were difficult too, but I remember that this was the hardest, by far.

Finally a few months ago, after managing to keep my feelings to myself, I finally snapped, and told her everything. She already knew, but she seemed to prefer pretending that we were just friends, which is understandable...it made things far easier between us. For her, at least. :/

Since then, it'd have been mid December, she hasn't spoken to me at all, despite me attempting several times to make contact, so I assume our friendship is now completely over. Ironic thing is that I finally managed to move on a few days after she stopped talking to me, but such is life, hey?

So now I spend every day playing mafia, guitar, or working. All my friends sided with her, because, well, I don't give them head at parties...they want to stay in her good books. So I'm now being totally exiled, and just sit at home all day.

Bummer right? Except this is not at all what my woe is.

._.

For some god-unknown reason, I'm ok with all this shit, with having approximately 0 real-life friends, and with being addicted to mafia.
Quite frankly, this worries me.

I look at everything that has happened recently, and I know that I should be incredibly upset. I should be angry. I should want to hurt Stef for putting me through such emotional torture for no reason at all, other than her peace of mind, not to mention for just giving up on our friendship at the first sign of difficulty. But I don't. I just seriously don't give a shit about any of it any more, and I'm concerned about my extreme detachment from reality, as well as my apathy towards human relationships at the moment. Right now, I have absolutely no desire to talk to people face-to-face, and I for the life of me cannot find any resentment towards those who I knew. I know that I did, when it first happened, but after about a week I just stopped caring, and stopped trying. :/

I guess what I'm asking with this is why I don't care, and if there is any way to fix it? I feel broken, not having any emotional response to this. D: