Dating and long term friendships

[kamikaze3000]

You're right, I am pessimistic about this. It's partly because of the divorce rate being so high which suggests something about the attitude people have to their relationships

Some people have that attitude, yes. I would hope that if you're looking for a long-term relationship that's based on more than just sex or looks, then you'd make sure your partner has the same attitude about it. A lot of people make the rash decision to get married after only a few months, and IMO that's a big factor in the high divorce rate. Also, pre-marriage counseling while you're engaged is probably a good idea.

Very true. Rushing into things does cause too many problems. That's possibly why I'm pessimistic about this - I know too many people that have rushed things and been burnt by it.

[Universezero]

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

[origami_alligator]

On that note, how exactly does one do that?

What You'll Need to Do
First, put on some cool clothes that are slightly ironic but not too ironic. (For help with this, just ask yourself if your shirt is funny. If the answer is "Yes" then put on a different shirt.) Walk to a local hangout spot and meet some people. You may need to repeat these steps two or 100 times.
Congratulations! Now that you have made some friends you must acquire relationship information from them. Do so by paying attention to the current relationships or by seeing how people act toward each other. Then casually bring up in conversation, "Hey, seems like {so and so] is all over [what'stheirface]." Generally people understand this means it's time to talk about relationships. You don't want to attempt something without being informed of what you're getting into basically.
Now that you have the information you need, start pursuing people. Go to a couple of the same parties (but be sure to party without your love interest so that you seem independent and mysterious. What do you do at those other parties? [/i]Wouldn't she like to know.[/i]) Now comes the tricky part: courting behaviour. Most people will tell you, "When you're talking to her at a party, invite her outside and see where that takes you. Take her to a cool spot to lay down or look over a bridge." In my experience this works to show your intentions without showing your intentions.
Instead, go on Youtube and look up mating behaviours of jumping spiders. The vibrations described in the video will be discussed later.
Once you've successfully courted the female by flapping your arms and making a noise like starting a car on an empty tank of gas, take her back to your room. You'll need an excuse, such as forgetting something you usually keep in your pocket/wallet. (Something like a balloon that is not a balloon.) If she is sure you're worth all the effort you've put in she'll stay in your room. This point is crucial. From studying the jumping spider courting behaviour you know that she could still tackle you and have you for dinner. Thus you must be calm and cautious. Go in for the kiss, slow-ish, but not too slow, but not too fast. If she bares her giant hairy fangs dripping with venom then pull away and escape through the nearest exit. Don't go back to your room until you are sure she has left.
If she does not bare her fangs and you start making out, continue making out. It's time for choose your own adventure!

You are making out with an arachnid woman. Do you:
1. Continue to make out without going for anything extra. (goto #1)
2. Go straight for the goods. (goto #2)
3. Ask her about her day 15 minutes into it. (go back to the beginning of this tutorial.)

1. You have chosen to continue making out. Reach for her breasts then see what happens when you unclasp her bra. (IMPORTANT: study the mechanics of brassieres! Fumbling around with clasps = reason to not sleep with you.) Continue to take off articles of clothing until what you're doing is basically rape. (I do not condone rape. Saying "No" is just an opportunity to try again.)
2. Great! Unless you're being devoured by a giant spider-lady.

Hope this helps.

EDIT:
If you don't look like this, you're doing it wrong:

[Rose]

You are making out with an arachnid woman. Do you:
1. Continue to make out without going for anything extra. (goto #1)
2. Go straight for the goods. (goto #2)
3. Ask her about her day 15 minutes into it. (go back to the beginning of this tutorial.)

My choice depends entirely over whether she has control of NUMA.

[Destiny]

You are making out with an arachnid woman. Do you:
1. Continue to make out without going for anything extra. (goto #1)
2. Go straight for the goods. (goto #2)
3. Ask her about her day 15 minutes into it. (go back to the beginning of this tutorial.)

My choice depends entirely over whether she has control of NUMA.

Nick Johnson had a sex change?

[Tanner]

You are making out with an arachnid woman. Do you:
1. Continue to make out without going for anything extra. (goto #1)
2. Go straight for the goods. (goto #2)
3. Ask her about her day 15 minutes into it. (go back to the beginning of this tutorial.)

My choice depends entirely over whether she has control of NUMA.

Nick Johnson had a sex change?

Nick Johnson is Kashkin, not arachnid. He designed the skin.

[乳头的早餐谷物]

My choice depends entirely over whether she has control of NUMA.

Nick Johnson had a sex change?

Nick Johnson is Kashkin, not arachnid. He designed the skin.

No, that's Nick Rogers.

[Tanner]

No, that's Nick Rogers.

Really? It was Nick & Nick on that website? Nice.

[乳头的早餐谷物]

No, that's Nick Rogers.

Really? It was Nick & Nick on that website? Nice.

On NUMA? Kashkin had a hand in the ol' Metanet skin but the NUMA design was some other guy who wasn't a notable part of the community.

[Tanner]

No, that's Nick Rogers.

Really? It was Nick & Nick on that website? Nice.

On NUMA? Kashkin had a hand in the ol' Metanet skin but the NUMA design was some other guy who wasn't a notable part of the community.

Look, maestro, can you stop pointing out how I'm wrong about everything ever? God!

[乳头的早餐谷物]

Really? It was Nick & Nick on that website? Nice.

On NUMA? Kashkin had a hand in the ol' Metanet skin but the NUMA design was some other guy who wasn't a notable part of the community.

Look, maestro, can you stop pointing out how I'm wrong about everything ever? God!

God? There is no god!

[Rose]

Look, maestro, can you stop pointing out how I'm wrong about everything ever? God!

God? There is no god!

OHHHH BOY. CAN OF WORMS ON SALE.

[SlappyMcGee]

Look, maestro, can you stop pointing out how I'm wrong about everything ever? God!

God? There is no god!

OHHHH BOY. CAN OF WORMS ON SALE.

I will purchase one container of non-arthropod invertebrate animals, along with a glass of all your holy water.

[Rose]

God? There is no god!

OHHHH BOY. CAN OF WORMS ON SALE.

I will purchase one container of non-arthropod invertebrate animals, along with a glass of all your holy water.

We're out of holy water. Will vodka do?

[t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư]

We're out of holy water. Will vodka do?

Whh--
I'm not understanding the difference.

[aids]

We're out of holy water. Will vodka do?

Whh--
I'm not understanding the difference.

Vodka has less priests.

[T3chno]

Look, maestro, can you stop pointing out how I'm wrong about everything ever? God!

God? There is no god!

OHHHH BOY. CAN OF WORMS ON SALE.

I thought we're supposed to be referring to arachnids, not worms.

[t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư]

We're out of holy water. Will vodka do?

Whh--
I'm not understanding the difference.

Vodka has less priests.

I was raised as a Russian Orthodox Christian, in Russia. My family went to regular services.
Water is that stuff that the drunk priest splashes in your face (while giggling stupidly and trying to retain his balance), right? The stuff that burns a bit going down? Tastes like nail polish remover? And Dasani makes vodka, right?

[Limer]

I think it is completely circumstantial. Ive had relationships with close friends and people i barely know with success (of varying levels~) with both types.

In general though, i think the most interesting part of a relationship is learning stuff about eachother. So people you've known along time might not be such a good idea because you know everything about them already, which makes it less exiting.

Also, i wanna mention, after reading southpaws post, to meet girls all you have to do is go to a party and, well, attention seek like hell.

[Tanner]

In general though, i think the most interesting part of a relationship is learning stuff about eachother. So people you've known along time might not be such a good idea because you know everything about them already, which makes it less exiting.

There's always sex. Sex with a new person is still pretty exciting.

[Limer]

Oh, no doubt. While sex is hella fun, wouldn't usually go out with a girl for solely that.

"hairscapades" made me laugh

[Tanner]

Oh, no doubt. While sex is hella fun, wouldn't usually go out with a girl for solely that.

No, I mean, you were talking about how when you start dating a friend, there isn't as much to find out about them which makes it less interesting. I was pointing out that I don't know what the inside of most of my female friends' vaginas feel like.

[Limer]

you don't?- i mean.. ahh yes, i understand

[SlappyMcGee]

Oh, no doubt. While sex is hella fun, wouldn't usually go out with a girl for solely that.

No, I mean, you were talking about how when you start dating a friend, there isn't as much to find out about them which makes it less interesting. I was pointing out that I don't know what the inside of most of my female friends' vaginas feel like.

Maybe not with your penis.


It was a toss-up between that and changing the italics to include penis.

[otters~1]

PotY @southpawPOWPOW