an angst story

[sheganican]

i posted this story on one of Flagmyidol's maps. i'm more expressing my writing skills more than i am releasing my angst as this happened about 2 weeks ago. also, this is my first self-posted topic :D
please critique my story:

Here i go:

So I was just goofing off making a random map (that’s how I often make maps, goof off in Neditor) and I came across some interesting tile formations. Interesting enough to do something with, anyway. I edited these tiles to my liking and somehow, they formed a race. Here comes the sad part. The race I had made had all the basics for a noob race and more: close calls, flow, THWUMPS even! I'm sure you would have been proud. On a scale of 1 - 10, I was 11 proud of this. I made my first race and it was one of the coolest things I had done in my time on Numa (it didn’t look great of course being a noob race, but boy was I happy with it) so it was, by my standards, absolutely perfect, but, of course, that wasn’t good for me. I couldn’t settle for 11 outta 10 i had to go for the big 12. I was all ready to send it in to the world of fame and happiness where my buddy Flagmyidol would say "gee eganic, thanks for dedicating your first race to me you're a cool guy". I set up the submission sheet with all the assets: RCE, first agd gets a ded, ded to Flagmyidol blah blah blah. All that was left was the actual map data. I playtested it again, and lone behold, my idiotic mind somehow stumbled upon the possibility that i could make this map slightly more outrageous than it already is by adding a few floorguards (about 6) for added effect and close-callage. Home. Page down. Page up.

A SCRIPT IN THIS MOVIE IS CAUSING MACROMEDIA FLASH 7 TO RUN SLOWLY. IF IT CONTINUES TO RUN, YOUR COMPUTER MAY BECOME UNRESPONSIVE. DO YOU WANT TO ABORT?

What? No. I do not want to abort an hour and a half of hard work i spent on my friend’s dedication. No i do not want to abort my very first race genre map, which i was absolutely proud of. No.

Of course the computer didn’t like that. Message gone. No response. About 10 seconds of heart stopping suspense later, i see the message appear once more upon my screen.

DO YOU WANT TO ABORT THE SCRIPT?

No i do not want to abort the script. This went on for another 10 minutes as my mind raced (poor choice of words) trying to come upon a solution to my terrible, terrible problem. Well godammit. I suppose the only solution is to keep a cool head and abort the script and accept defeat.

Defeat wasn’t good enough for the computer. It wanted to rub it in a little bit. Nothing happened. The message stopped showing up, but the map was still there, in tact. Was i free? Had the reign of terror finally ceased? I wish. The screen was still frozen, but there was still hope! I could see the entire map in plain view so again, my heart thwumping against my chest, my mind wanders to a possible answer to a perilous question.

Aha! I hide the screen, open up another window, start Neditor and tediously spend many more suspenseful minutes going back and forth between windows and copying the data merely by looks onto an empty canvas. The fact that there was no grid on the original copy only made the gap between me and victory even wider.

Finally! I was done! Will it work? I hope so dearly that it will work! Home. Page down. Page up.

A SCRIPT IN THIS MOVIE IS CAUSING MACROMEDIA FLASH 7 TO RUN SLOWLY. IF IT CONTINUES TO RUN, YOUR COMPUTER MAY BECOME UNRESPONSIVE. DO YOU WANT TO ABORT?

"Shit" i thought. Not the first word to come into my mind, but probably the most G-rated. Its time for bed, but no no no i want the best possible chance to taste the sweet juices of victory and to beat this computer. I’m smarter than a computer, after all. I can multiply 7 and 34 in my head in 1 second. Cant we all?

Anyway, once again i hide the first window (deleting the second one) and open yet another. A little guess and check here a little memorization there. Its a little easier this time, i must admit. I’ve done it once before haven’t i? I add a rocket somewhere. "What the hell" i thought, "if this works, I’m in freaking heaven." it takes merely 5 minutes this time around and I’m mildly happy with my quick wits. Cross my fingers. Cross my toes. The hell with it cross my eyes i need all the freaking luck i can get. Sweat trickles down my brow. (Not really, but its quite dramatic eh?) Take a deep breath. This had better work its like 11:30.

Home.

Page down.

Page up.

A SCRIPT IN THIS MOVIE IS CAUSING MACROMEDIA FLASH 7 TO RUN SLOWLY. IF IT CONTINUES TO RUN, YOUR COMPUTER MAY BECOME UNRESPONSIVE. DO YOU WANT TO ABORT?

You can probably guess my reaction. Pissed off? Understatement. Unhappy? I’m beyond that. Almost like i was in a trance. I sat there quietly. Slowly, i X'd out both of the Neditor windows and then wrote you this story.

THE END

[rambo5252]

DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that happens to me when i make n-arts (though my comp sucks so it like xplodes when i make n-art) i got soooooooo made

[sheganican]

yeh.
i was like shaking when i typed this up the first time, but i felt much better after i got it outta my system.

[rambo5252]

lol it literly goes on forever then my computer shut down on me, i was so mad like 6 hours of work down thedrain

[SkyPanda]

Oh man, that sucks :/
Happens to alot of us at some point, I lost countless maps to tab-Q before I finally changed the boss key.

[toasters]

This only happens to me in Nreality, which is why I stopped using it for making maps. But I really should change that damn boss key.

[rambo5252]

whats tab-Q do?

[SkyPanda]

whats tab-Q do?

Well, in N, the default boss key is tab. The boss key is a key you press to blank out the N screen, so it looks as if you're not playing games :P

If you press the boss key, then the Q key, it exits N, which is handy if you want to rapidly close N and pretend you were doing homework/working, but unfortunately it does not save your map data.

As the Q key is so close to the tab key, its too easy to accidentally bump them both together while making maps.

Luckily, you can change the boss key in the settings to something that you're less likely to hit.

[rambo5252]

whats tab-Q do?

Well, in N, the default boss key is tab. The boss key is a key you press to blank out the N screen, so it looks as if you're not playing games :P

If you press the boss key, then the Q key, it exits N, which is handy if you want to rapidly close N and pretend you were doing homework/working, but unfortunately it does not save your map data.

As the Q key is so close to the tab key, its too easy to accidentally bump them both together while making maps.

Luckily, you can change the boss key in the settings to something that you're less likely to hit.

oh well ive never dont that so idc

[claire]

Yea, the Tab-Q thing has claimed some of my maps in the past.
If you feel you're onto something when you're making a map, save the data onto a text file every now and again, and then at least you won't have to start from scratch if something happens.

[rambo5252]

Yea, the Tab-Q thing has claimed some of my maps in the past.
If you feel you're onto something when you're making a map, save the data onto a text file every now and again, and then at least you won't have to start from scratch if something happens.

i usually just copy and paste cause id have way way way way to many maps if i saved them all, i save the good ones on numa

[numa_ninja]

This is exactly what happened to my friend, except I was the one who put the floorguard in the border.
;D

[TribulatioN]

Well in response to eganic,
It's not the end of the world, nor the end of your mapping career.
People have hardships, and they overcome them. I think you will too.

[Nucleus]

well he said critique his story...

you mispelled godamnit

[sheganican]

i can spell goddamit however i want.

this is online, not a college exam.

[TribulatioN]

Oh shit, I just woke up when I read that.
Sorry about that.

But okay then, I'll critique it.

- You didn't draw the reader in with your description. And it's rather bland, component wise.
- Your idea was good, but executed poorly, with the use of CAPS LOCK making it ridiculously amateur.
- Your ending was a little lame, and your beginning was almost as bad.

Just work on using better figures of speech, better conjunctions, try using a thesaurus, and try reading some books that have good detail, and you'll probably succeed.

[Radium]

Ahh that sucks man. Once it happened the second time, you should have redid it, saved the data in a .txt, then rebooted.

Also, tab-Q has claimed countless RF classics.

[Condog]

You didn't happen to place a floorguard inside one of the boundary walls did you? Because that is a big no-no.

[ℎalifax]

Why didn't you just take a screenshot of the frozen window?

Also, this sort of thing, I'm more relieved than proud to say, has never happened to me. I always copy map data into a seperate .txt while I'm making a map, and my boss key is Pause|Break.