Acne

[Bigblargh]

My acne and I are old friends. Well, not friends. I'd say we're intimate enemies, like cellmates who have sweet dreams about shanking eachother. We'd be alright under one roof in theory, but acne just tends to get under my skin.
So I'm going to kill him.
Slow.
At the risk of killing myself.
Acne and I have been having an ongoing battle, with me wielding medication and acne wielding a negative charisma modifier. I have always said that acne is the thing that helps you filter out your shallow friends by having them avoid you but goddammit, I'm gonna smother the little shits. Tazorac didn't do it, Benzoyl Peroxide didn't do it, 400 mg daily Minocyclin didn't do it, and all of these at once (as I have been doing) has stopped working. My acne has evolved to seemingly relish in the poisons I have pushed through my epidermis. And Clearasil does nothing. Nothing. I have badass skin problems that won't be solved by some wussy Clearasil.
So let's bring out the big guns. Little boys, go home, because the grownups have to "talk."
And by "talk" i mean "fuck shit up."
Amnesteem is the name of the drug I am now taking, and it the Duke Nukem of acne medication. This shizz is hardcore. If pregnant women take this pill, then their unborn babies will tie their umbilical cords into little nooses and hang themselves.
YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
I have to fill a bunch of paperwork to make sure I don't give these pills to pregnant ladies. But as a dude, I have nothing to worry about— BACK THE FUCK UP. The stronger a drug is, the more severe the side effects. Amnesteem 'aint gonna make this easy, now. We're gonna have to play some russian roulette first, my acne and I.
Here is a sampling of what this can potentially cause:
Seizures
Stroke
Severe stomach pain
Severe chest pain
Sever bowel pain
Rectal bleeding
Dark urine
Bone loss
YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH
Not to worry. All that stuff is ridiculously unlikely, and it doesn't start all of a sudden. I'll have a grace period period before I cough a lung inside out. Maybe I'll just cough out a rib first.
But what definitely is going to happen is hella dry skin. If my skin is a battlefield, the Amnesteem is killing absolutely all life so the acne troops have nothing to eat. Chapstick will become my new best friend and if I have nosebleeds, I have to stop taking the pills before I lose all the blood in my body.
Excited? I know I am.
In 2-4 weeks my acne will surface to the top layer of my skin, and then it will be the worst it will be for the rest of my life. Then it will start to go away. And just keep going away. And by the springtime I will be done with the drug, and my acne will either be gone or at least know not to fuck with me. But in the meantime I have to worry about dry skin.

This evening, I looked in the mirror after washing my hands, preparing for dinner. My eyes looked at my forehead, with unassuming mounds, thinking they had won dominance over my skin's territory. I touched the tip of my nose: there was a little bit of dry skin there, flaking off.
"So it begins."

[Erik-Player]

I'll keep you in mind. :(

[Condog]

Bone loss

"Goddamnit, where the hell has my femur got to now?"

[a happy song]

Oh, I hear you brother! I used to hang out with a little shit-rag called Colitis. He needed constant reassurance that he was the only one for me, stank the place up good and proper, and stole my hard earned perfect BMI.

That was a fine old time, but I think the potential of side effects is the most fun you can have taking prescription medicine. I certainly had a jape or two taking mine. I was on a strict diet of:

Azathioprine
A listed Human carcinogen which suppresses the bone marrow as part of its treatment and thus leaves the taker with higher risk of infection.

Mesalazine
Common side effects including: Diarrhea, nausea, cramping, flatulence (all of which are already symptoms of the disease in question, I like how my medicine made the effort to get along with my colitis, even though they were conflicting).
Uncommon side effects including: Headache, exacerbation of the colitis, hypersensitivity reactions (including rash, urticaria, interstitial nephritis and lupus erythematosus-like syndrome), hair Loss, and Interstitial nephritis.
and rarely: Acute pancreatitis, hepatitis, nephrotic syndrome, blood disorders (including agranulocytosis, aplastic anaemia, leukopenia, neutropenia, thrombocytopenia)

Prednisolone
Which I had to inject up my bum in foam form, had a longer list than both the above: fluid retention of the face (moon face, Cushing's syndrome), acne, constipation, and mood swings.
Also included in the potential fun: bloody or black tarry stools; filling or rounding out of the face; muscle cramps or pain; muscle weakness; nausea; pain in back, hips, ribs, arms, shoulders, or legs; reddish-purple lines on arms, face, legs, trunk or groin; thin and shiny skin; unusual bruising; urinating at night; rapid weight gain; and wounds that will not heal.

Unfortunately, I somehow lost out on the excitement of the above when I foolishly made the attempt to adjust my diet and lifestyle to improve my condition and the insensitive bastard upped and left.

I like to think it wasn't my selfish decision to ruin his habitat that caused him to go... perhaps he was lonely? All he had to do was ask nicely and I'm sure his good friend Bowl Cancer would have joined the party.

Alas, it was not to be! Now I urge you to reconsider and imagine the horror of the world you'll find without Acne: confidence, positive charisma modifiers, a higher degree of social acceptance... I couldn't think of anything worse.

[blackson]

My friend, your going down a tough road. I took the very same drug. The end of the road is good though, IT WORKS.

Expect to be sore. Like, sore all the time. The dry skin depletes the oils that lubricate your joints and it's hell. You'll have nosebleeds constantly, (I learned to use these to my advantage, if you need to get out of class, scratch your nose) and some rashes from the dry skin. The rashes are nothing, so don't expect much from it. Just a rough spot.

Good luck, it'll change your life if you play sports. I thought that mine wasn't going away when I was on it, but it was. The actual inflammation goes away, (quite quickly) but the medicine leaves behind a slight tint. This tint looks just like acne, but it will fade over time.

(Edit, aka Accutane?)

[Qix]

I'm on a similar medication and all I can say is "use chapstick". I have to use it all the time or my lips become a bloody mess. I also hate the fact that I have to get my blood tested every month, but so far the medication seems to be working.

[Bigblargh]

[quote=Erik-Player]I'll keep you in mind. :([/quote]
No need as I'm not going to die.
[quote=Corndog]"Goddamnit, where the hell has my femur got to now?"[/quote]
I wanted to make that exact same joke in my post!
[quote=atob]Alas, it was not to be! Now I urge you to reconsider and imagine the horror of the world you'll find without Acne: confidence, positive charisma modifiers, a higher degree of social acceptance... I couldn't think of anything worse.[/quote]
I'm willing to run the risk of those things happening. I'm actually quite interested in this "having friends" concept. Do you have any experience with it?
[quote=Blackson](paraphrasing) You gonna be miserable, boy[/quote]
AWESOME
[quote=Qix]I also hate the fact that I have to get my blood tested every month, but so far the medication seems to be working.[/quote]
I don't mind needles. I just imagine I'm on Firefly and I'm getting adrenaline shots from the doctor.

[otters]

Dude. If I went near a medication with side effects like that, I would DIE.

Good work.

[Destiny]

That first post was actually quite the entertaining read ^^

[blackson]

Yes I forgot, CHAPSTICK. I only had to take three blood tests, how many months are you prescribed on it? 5?