INSOMNICON 2009: THE PLAY STATION.

[Riobe]

I can tell that this movie actually had some effort put into it. I actually liked when he was fighting the guy in the blue shirt thingy, but then the movie just became more fake as it went on, and I just wanted to shut it off.

But after a while of watching it, I realized I've seen much worse things before (Such as the most recent Dollhouse episode, sheesh). The effects were ok, but when he punched through that evolved guy thingy, I was like "OMG NO WAI!!1!" And those are my feelings on the video, so I give it a 7/10.

Well, at least the 4 something minutes of the video I saw anyway.

[Luminaflare]

This movie is violent, ridiculous and just plane bad. I love it. 10/10 (2 points for bad gore, 3 points for martial arts, 5 points for violence and 1 point for cornyness).

[Paddy]

Fact is, it is too violent to be watched by people under the age of 18. The next thing I complain about is the tons of blood. But it's not completely shit. The fighting moves are really great and the funny faces of the fighters made me give it 4 of 10 points.
4/10.

[Snuggletummy]

Courtesy of Gloomp, I have my score changed to a 3. I dislike movies like this.

Riki-Oh, to some, the movie is incredibly epic and amazingly well thought out. To me, I dislike movies of this genre, they disgust me, I do not want to see people explode into gory showers of blood and guts. On a plus side though (Which would make the 3/10 sound right) The means of dying weren't have bad... Throwing the warden into a meat grinder? Badass stuff there. So.. 3/10

[otters~1]

6/10

Here's why:

The only saving grace of this clip was the Asian guy's abs. I mean, the fighting was fake, the action was like a cheap Japanese eighties sitcom Jackie Chan-hybrid thingy, and there wasn't any fucking English. Nevertheless, I watched it nine times. Oh those abs. Damn.

[spudzalot]

3/10

I give this movie some points for the drama, fun fight scenes and sexy guy in the green outfit. But then it got very cheesy. The effects were terrible and the blood was mediocre at best. Also the fights either dragged on for too long or ended way to quickly. Im sure Riki is a cool guy and all but he needs to start making better moves.

[unoriginal name]

Wahahahahahahahahaha. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha. Ahahahahaha. Haha. Hahahahaaahaha. Ha. Heheh. Heh. So. Do you like utterly ridiculous action? Do you like buckets of blood? Do you like prison wardens who are actually The Hulk's distant Asian cousin? Then you'll like this movie. I'm must sadly admit I have not seen many movies of this genre, but after getting a taste of this, I intend to see many more. It tells the story of Riki, who was sent to prison for killing the murderer of his girlfriend . . . or something. The plot doesn't matter, so forget it. Just sit back and enjoy some balls-to-the-wall Kung-Fu fun. 10.

Note: I traded numbers with Snuggletummy, as neither of us were happy with what we got.

[esay]

0/10

If that Video was a person, I would Eat him(/her?).
The physics were about as bad as the clip made sense, and the attempted special effects weren't actually that special.
I don't know whether this originally had an Asian script, and some smart-ass punk change the words around, but it certainly sounds like it had, only that smart-ass punk was constipated and had his head chopped off by a drugged toad.
Anyhow, Ricky is a very inconsistent fighter, and the pajama guy was just retarded and fat.
By the time that crazy guy started to have a seizure, I really wanted to stop watching it. Then i saw him transform into an Asian hulk. It's yet another one of those 'Why didn't he do that before?' moments, that all shit videos would be incomplete without.
I didn't watch the rest of the movie, but I assume that Ricky somehow defeats the monster, in an absurd manner, only comparable to the rest of the movie, and lives happily ever after. The End.

[_red___xiii_]

I thought it was okay I guess. Pretty cheezy but I've seen worse. It was dece for a film of that type. 7/10.

I only say that because you didn't tell me what to give it (I wasn't here till now).

[Zephyr]

A true masterpiece-
A must watch for gore lovers, this movie is simply spectacular.
This fantastic piece starts off with an exeptional display of special effects, and a taste of the blood and gore that is yet to come. It features a superb cast of characters-with the hero (Ricky) looking exactly like a hero should, muscly and strong, and with an awesome hairstyle.
Then there are the prisoners, who are (mostly) innocent, and rely on Ricky to save the day for them, the typical "victims" of the movie.
The guy in the black/white-a typical boot kisser, doing his masters bidding and getting humiliated by having his leg chopped off.
That evil guy, yes-the bad guy of the film, who looks bad (which adds to his badness), when he transforms into the terrifying monster thingy, he looks even BADDER (which truly emphasises his badness, enough of the word
bad".)
The kid in the PJs-Another woosy fat kid who stays behind and cowers while everyone else is fighting, the spoilt brat of the movie.
The director has done a great job with this movie-bloody and hardcore fight scenes, gory and specatular special effects, and an epic walk to top it all off.

Kudos to you Paragon Films
10/10

[Leaff]

So, these Asian Kung-fu dudes are all like "Rar rar you gonna die" and this other dude without a shirt comes up and he's like "I'm gonna freaking kill you" and then they fight eachother. And this one guy spews blood onto this huge light fixture on the ceiling, and then the bad dude tries to kill him with the light fixture by pulling it down with his evil dental floss. But the good dude (who, I assume, is named "Ricky") dodges the tacky lamp. Then they go mono-y-mono and there are these awesome sound effects whaen they hit eachother. No excessive dialogue here, just action.I bet no one's actually reading this, so if you did, post the word "pretzel" in the next thing you post. Got it? Then Ricky forces the bad dudes leg through the wall and chops it off. He litterally turns the guy into a pretzel and then he stares at this dude with a cigar in a white suit. The guy shoots this guy crawling into the elevator in the ass, then he explodes. He raises the gun to Ricky, then stops and says some meaningless crap. Then a police officer comes up and takes away this kid in pajamas, and they fight. White Suit Man throws a table at Ricky, then Ricky does some crazy ninja jump over the table and kicks White Suit Man in the face. Ka-POW! He hits the wall and starts laughing and trembeling. He morphs into this crazy buff sasquatch guy. Ricky gives him a punch and, in return, gets sent flying through a pole. He does a little pose and this time he punches through his chest. Although Sasquatch Suit Man doesn't seem to mind, and he starts strangling Ricky. Then all of this crazy stuff happens, Ricky kills the Sasquatch Dude, brings his head out side, and makes all of these guys stop attempting to punch eachother and look at him. He hurls the head away, plays some weird music, and charges to a wall in slow-motion. He punches it and it falls apart. He says "You're all free," without his mouth matching, and all of the people go "YAAAY!" The End.

The flm was awesome, with practically no dialogue or plot whatsoever. Just crazy bloody action. I rate this 10/10, every second is freaking amazing.

[乳头的早餐谷物]

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky.

The opening shot, of a bare-chested specimen of mongolid masculinity, proudly announces the intentions of this stunning film. The crisp writing is brought to life by the prowess of the actors, while the eclectic costume design serves to give the scenarios presented a distinctive flavour. The incredible special effects threaten to overshadow the plot, but the director deftly pulls it all together into a cohesive production, presenting us with an uncompromising view of the realities of the commercial kitchen.

This dark thriller pulls you in and refuses to let you go until the credits have rolled. It will question your sense of morality and cultivate in you a mistrust of meat grinders. Most of all, however, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky is the feel-good story of the year. Just as martial arts gave Ricky the strength to pursue his dreams, this film gives the audience hope to push through these tough times and come out stronger than before.

10/10.

[Rikaninja]

This movie is about mutations not likeing each other. Thus, violent understandingly. Of course I enjoyed such a woderful use of my computer screens pixels. It was the very movie that had me jumping out of my seat.

But then again, I don't like other people. But why would I chop of their mutant head?

8/10 for the glory of thy blood.

[aids]

Why in the world was this made? It's horrible. 1. Jackie Chan is crying right now.

[Sucker]

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky is a Kung Fu movie. A Kung Fu Movie so realistic and credible like none I have ever seen before. This film shows Kung Fu fighting like it really is.
It's so well written that there is hardly any pause in the fighting, which means entartainment in its purest form. The main character appears weak (of course, in relation to the villains, who have either very realistic gadgetry or are realistically superhuman.), which is an excellent device of heightening suspense. He slays the main baddies minions like you wouldn't expect him to do, in a believable fashion. Next off, the transformation scene of the main bad guy, in which he first elongates his limbs, and then grows more muscle. One would think that limb lenght and thickness should grow proportionally, but it is made obvious that this assumption is utterly wrong and misinformed.
The main fight of the movie doesn't disappoint, it features dismemberment, people punching through people, and a giant meat grinder. Also RIcky punches a hole in a wall. A hole large enough for man to traverse.
Now, the one thing that has bugged me about the movie, 10% of it's lenght were not filled with senseless violence and gore. What's up with that?. This is why it will receive 9 out of 10 points from me, as a true fighting movie should never contain story or even dialogue.

(Oh what the hell)

[Rose]

While the action certainly was good, it lacked any kind of a story whatsoever. While it was, again, good action, it was very generic action. Also, people's limbs were too easily cut off. In the end, there was only a little bit more bad than good, so 4/10.

[Jiggerjaw]

If I could give this movie any single adjective, it would be "average." That's what this film is. Perfectly. Average. Now, too often, the word average is given a negative connotation. Ridiculous. This film was neither good nor bad. It had, actually, such a miniscule effect on me that my expression never changed throughout. The hulk-like transformation of Riki-Oh's captor was less than impressive, but more than under-whelming. I liked the use of blood; it seemed very realistic, but the realism was compromised when particular parts arose, such as, Riki punching his foe hard enough to penetrate through to the other side of his torso. This is just not believable for a second. But, the movie certainly does, as I said before, make up for this with the level of gore. A meat grinder? Now -that's- what I call entertainment. But, just as my thoughts of the film were on the up-and-up for the intensity of the usage of a meat grinder, the film director threw in a totally cliché bit where Riki-Oh holds the head up above his, as if he is some champion; a God among men. The fact is, if you've seen the entire movie, you'd know from the start of that battle that he was going to prevail; such is the way of action-packed thrillers such as this flick. So, there were parts that were quite unimpressive, which were counter-balanced by parts that blew me away. Combine these two ends of the spectrum with a plain ending and a mediocre setting, and you have yourself a five out of ten.

[Studebacher Hoch]

Riki Oh: The Story of Ricky

10/10

Despite what the title may have you believe, this film is not merely the story of Ricky, superpowered convict. It is the story of capitalism versus communism, opression versus freedom, the plebian verus the praetor, east verus west. The scene opens with Riki, a man so rebellious his abs formed their own federation, held a vote, and unanimously decided to reject the ideals of the shirted world all together, defending his comrades from Asian Walter Koenig. From afar, the Warden looks on, visual cues recalling the phrase "Ivory Tower."

Riki selflessly tells his comrades to flee, and than engages Asian Walter Koenig in one-on-one combat. After a short flurry, Asian Walter Koenig has him pinned - but, in a pure expression of capitalistic arrogance, allows the fight to continue. However, soon, he has Riki backed into a corner once more; this time he goes for the kill, preforming a move so self-indulgent as to be the martial arts equivalent of a sonic flyby at a baseball game. Riki takes the oppertunity to break his leg clean off - this isn't a metaphor for anything, it's just sweet. After letting him live - "I ain't got time to kill," he would have no-doubt explained were he recast as Rowdy Roddy Piper - he turns to the Warden.

The Warden than transforms into his True Form - ten feet, four hundred pounds of shirt-shredding, pants-shitting, balding Japanese movie-monster TNT. The two fight. No matter how hard he strikes, Riki cannot hurt the monster - his fists just go right through like he's beating blood-filled merengue. Than he realizes, in a sudden moment of clarity, that there is only one way to defeat the Warden - with his own capitalistic devices! So the Warden ends up in the grinder and, well, a grinder's gotta do what a grinder's gotta do.

After tearing down the capitalist figurehead, there is only one thing left for Riki to do before his rebellion is complete - bring down the wall of opression. Throwing the Wardens head into the distance with contempt, Riki winds up and delivers a blow so stunning it distrupts time. The wall crumbles like so much packaging foam. His comrades cheer and Riki, triumphant, leaves the prison that is Western idealism for good.

And freezeframe... Fin.

OT: Looking forward to the sequel. Riki-Oh 2: The Story of Sixty-Odd Recently-Freed Murderers, Rapists, and Theives, and the Superhuman Rebel Who is their Leader.

[Universezero]

Riki-Oh is about the most fake, unrealistic movie I think I've ever seen. The lip sinking was almost as good as Britney Speares', and the fight scences were so fake I almost felt like opening Windows Movie Maker and making my own movie just to shove it up Rickey's. The plot was obscure and made little sense, and the characters were obviously picked up out of the gutters in some suburban road near the rundown old production studio. However, it kept me slightly distracted from the muffled yells of dying movie stars in my basement for the afternoon, so I give this movie a 1/10.

[SkyRay]

PSHOO PSHOO, PSHOO-PSHOO-PSHOO. This film was absolutely sensational, inspiring, graphically interesting that i couldn't stop watching it. Now this.. this is the new spiderman, b*tches.
la la review stuff la
RIKI-OHHHH!
HULK IS ANGRY! come and show me-what you got. -drool-
Riki-oh takes Hulk to the shredder, Sit back and enjoy as RIKI-OH goes all play-doh on HULK-MANs ***. FALCON PAWNCH! ;D You are all free now. The actors all have such power and strength.
la la words la la more words and..
If you like gaybuttsecks, you love this video. 10/10

[Kablizzy]

Before I begin, let me define what a movie review entails;

A movie review has many purposes; it serves the purpose of telling people a movie's storyline, whether or not people should see it, and how much money that person should pay to see that movie.

In very general terms, in order to successfully perform a movie review you should watch the movie. In some instances, it is a good idea to see the movie twice. This is so you can fully understand the film and can provide an accurate review to those who are reading your review. It's always a good idea to bring with you a pen or pencil or charcoal or some other type or writing device so you can intricately identify and quote characters. Also, you will want to bring something to write on - Writing on your hand can get messy, and writing on shirts or other types of cloth substances may not very well do the trick, either.

Capturing the nuances of a movie's storyline are very important. If the plot is too complicated people will lose interest; likewise, if it is not complicated enough, people will also lose interest. AH GOD INTEREST IS LOST ALL AROUND. Especially on your 401K plan.

Character development can make or break a movie. If there is someone famous or well-known in a movie people will most likely go see it. For example, "Mars Attacks!" has such superstars as Jack Nicholson, Glenn Close, Annete Bening, Pierce Brosnan, Danny DeVito, Martin Short, Sarah Jessica Parker, Michael J. Fox, Tom Jones, Natalie Portman, Pam Grier, Christina Applegate, and Chi Hoang Cai. With such an unbelievable cast, the movie will probably be a hit just because of the characters. It's for this reason that people will want to hear about the movie. If a movie releases, and there aren't super-famous actors in it, who the fuck is going to see it? Not me, that's for sure. Also, it's super-easy to get the names of the characters and actors in a given movie. All you have to do is sit in the theatre after the lights come back on, and all of their names are right there! It's like a little movie cheat-sheet!

Last but certainly not least is the critic's opinion of the movie. This is where you really get to shine! People want to know whether the movie is worth seeing, and the who, what, why, when, how and who of the movie in order to determine that. But how do you accomplish that task!?, you ask? Why, read on!

1. Does the movie keep your attention? (This is where the plot comes in.)

2. Give your opinion about the acting. Was it good or bad?

3. How was the action or special effects?

4. Would you see the film again?

You could probably ask more questions; however, you don't want to get too complicated. After all, if you keep this shit simple, you'll be done in no time! These questions, your notes and your opinion are all you need to make a movie review.

So let's say, for the sake of argument, you are writing a review. For example, we will use the movie "Riki-Oh". People will want to know what the plot was, right? So, you watch the movie. No, go watch the movie. Don't read this shit.

I gave this movie seven stars. I know that the star system only goes up to four, but bear with me. This movie deserves seven stars, due to Ricky's nationality. He is quite obviously asian, so he has to have something to do with an old prophecy that surely mentions seven stars in one form or another. "Legend of the Seven Stars" sounds like a subtitle for the fight with the Warden. I also wonder what Ricky will end up doing with the ground beef that resulted. Thoughts to ponder.

Also, during the scene where he fought against the hermaphrodite chick, I noticed that there was an inordinate amount of spidersilk breaking things around him. He should watch out for himself. He's gonna get hurt. But the most unrealistic part for me was the gigantic asian child in the taupe-oise footie pajama getup. That kid was quite clearly too old for the part. He seems to be one of those guys with some form of dwarfism - You know, like Gary Coleman has. Or that one kid who played Webster.

Beyond that, the plot of this particular clip is quite clear; Cigar-smoking kills. You balloon up into some sort of ogre that seems allergic to metal or blenders or something, and your skin turns all rubbery and people can punch through it. How awful!

Now that Ricky has freed the slaves from their cotton-pickin' ways, he's gonna make it after all.

To end the review, go see this movie. Seven Stars. Asian people.

[Tanner]

"Fuck politics! I just want to burn shit down!" - Winston Churchill

Many of us remember Churchill raising a banner for our parents generation. He was a beacon of strength, well-spoken and intelligent. He helped lead the world through some very dark times and was a great man. But he's dead now. Dude had a stroke. What can you do?

Riki-Oh, however, cannot die. Well, if this film is any indication of his mortality, anyway. I mean, he punched through a guy! Not just any guy, either! This was an André the Giant motherfucker! Dude has some serious elephantiasis going on. And then he ran him through a meat grinder? Bad! Ass! Ever heard of CNN? Riki made that shit. Popsicle sticks. I kid you not.

Unfortunately, there were a couple seconds where Riki was out of the shot so I'm forced to give this movie a seven out of ten.

7 / 10

P.S. Ever see those rings on Saturn? Popsicle sticks!

[JeRK]

The movie starts out pretty slowly, and the fight scenes are pretty unimaginative at most parts (not that I saw the giant being pushed into a meat grinder coming). These would warrant it a place among the rest of the 2/10 kung fu flicks. BUT, I found the ending really symbolically compelling. Ricky's nemesis only pulls out the gun when all else fails, signifying the fact that most people fail to live their lives to the fullest until it's too late. After this, he turns into a giant kung fu monster, in clear homage to Nietzsche. But Ricky finally shows his true strength of mind as he defeats the monster, not only retaining his humanity but also cleverly saving dozens of people from starvation. The final scene, in which Ricky destroys the walls of the prison also deserves a mention, since it gives the movie a greater sociological message as he not only tells the prisoners that they are free, but the guards as well! These overtones of socialism really surprised me positively with this film.

So, because of the storyline and the slow motion scenes which I happen to love immensely, I think a bit more highly of this flick. Most of the fight scenes are still unpardonably badly directed, though.

In the end, I'm gonna go with a 4 out of 10.

[SlappyMcGee]

CAPTION CONTEST:



Points:

Pikman: 6
Be_Nspired: 6
UniverseZero: 4
LouDog004: 3
Jiggerjaw: 6
Studebacher Hoch: 7
Obylisk: 2
sept: 4
Kablizzy: 10
gloomp: 6
axonn: 2
maxson: 5
Luminaflare: 7
Flagmyidol: 6
Yahoozy: 2
Leaff: 6
Sucker: 6
Skyline: 5
SkyRay: 6
Izzy: 3
spudzalot: 6
Donfuy: 6
Snuggletummy: 6
Life247: 6
Riobe: 6
Paddy: 6
Rikaninja: 3
maestro: 5
esay: 4
zeph: 3
lord_day: 1
BNW: 1
tanner: 2
red13: 1
JeRK: 1


Kablizzy gets two points. :@ One to Hoch and tanner.

[aids]

If we were any more homosexual, our names would be Lance Bass and Ryan Seacrest!