The Happiness Thread

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **capt_weasle** » 2009.03.13 (23:25)

This topic is taken from the Cracked.com forums, and I thought it would be a great little addition for us.

Cracked.com wrote:Entries will come in three categories. THIS THREAD WILL CONSIST OF NOTHING BUT ENTRIES:

1. Encouraging REAL news stories or facts. "Researchers in Korea have developed a hangover cure that works in just 30 seconds. It will hit the market next year."

2. Jokes. Traditional setup-punchline jokes. Short, quick. Either extremely good or extremely bad.

3. Pictures. Happy pictures.

Now, there are 150 teenagers reading this right now thinking, "HA! I KNOW WHAT I'LL DO, I"LL POST SOMETHING REALLY DARK AND DISTURBING, FOR THAT JUXTAPOSITION OF WHAT DAVE WANTED TO WHAT I DID WILL BE HILARIOUS AND WILL PROVE ME TO BE A FORUM REBEL!!!!!!" Please refrain. This is straightforward and positive.

And.... go.

I'll start us off.

EDIT: Also, for you moderators and such, this is in General Discussion because A) it isn't strictly media and B) It should reach a broader audience, which is nice.

http://www.nmaps.net/user/Aidiera · Postby **aids** » 2009.03.13 (23:49)

http://nmaps.net/user/29403 · Postby **29403** » 2009.03.13 (23:53)

Keeping with the kitten theme:

http://nmaps.net/user/Atilla · Postby **Atilla** » 2009.03.14 (00:23)

Keeping the trend going.

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **capt_weasle** » 2009.03.14 (06:05)

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To stamp out burning forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out burning ducks

http://nmaps.net/user/condog_111 · Postby **Condog** » 2009.03.14 (07:33)

<(^_^)>

http://nmaps.net/user/scythe33 · Postby **scythe** » 2009.03.14 (08:40)

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **capt_weasle** » 2009.03.14 (22:23)

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Two: one to change the lightbulb, one to hold the penis--LADDER! I SAID LADDER!

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **Vyacheslav** » 2009.03.14 (22:48)

http://nmaps.net/user/donfuy · Postby **Donfuy** » 2009.03.14 (23:38)

scythe33 wrote:

I'm trying at my best to think "Happy" about that, instead of <«"Happy"»>

http://nmaps.net/user/TribulatioN · Postby **TribulatioN** » 2009.03.15 (00:48)

W-W-W-WOOFWOOF!
Translated into:
C-C-C-Combobreaker!
(Yeah yeah, not really a combo breaker, but come on! Be happy and play along!)

http://nmaps.net/user/lord_day · Postby **lord_day** » 2009.03.15 (00:50)

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up?

It was two tyred.

http://nmaps.net/user/maxson924 · Postby **Rose** » 2009.03.15 (03:48)

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake. The first blonde yells, "How did you get to the other side of the lake?" The second replies, "You /are/ on the other side of the lake!"

http://nmaps.net/user/UniverseZero · Postby **Universezero** » 2009.03.15 (04:27)

http://nmaps.net/user/littleviking001 · Postby **LittleViking** » 2009.03.15 (05:08)

Two clarinets are walking down the street. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, who was that piccolo I saw you with the other day?" to which the other replies, "That's no piccolo; that's my fife!"

http://nmaps.net/user/pni · Postby **Pixon** » 2009.03.15 (11:57)

http://nmaps.net/user/Tunco123 · Postby **Tunco** » 2009.03.15 (17:46)

1+1 is not 2.

Why?

Because it is 2.0

http://nmaps.net/user/epigone · Postby **epigone** » 2009.03.15 (18:26)

Tunco123 wrote:1+1 is not 2.

Why?

Because it is 2.0

what....

http://nmaps.net/user/T3chno · Postby **T3chno** » 2009.03.15 (18:47)

Tunco123 wrote:1+1 is not 2.

Why?

Because it is 2.0

This is probably the stupidest thing in the whole thread, but I laughed so hard trying to understand what he meant.

On topic:

http://nmaps.net/user/ · Postby **capt_weasle** » 2009.03.15 (20:25)

Q: If you're driving upstream in a canoe, and the wheels fall off, how long does it take a cricket with a broken leg to knock all of the seeds out of a dill pickle?

A: None, because there are no bones in ice cream and a banana is long

Postby **t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư** » 2009.03.15 (21:15)

capt_weasle wrote:Q: If you're driving upstream in a canoe, and the wheels fall off, how long does it take a cricket with a broken leg to knock all of the seeds out of a dill pickle?

A: None, because there are no bones in ice cream and a banana is long

On that note...

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a broken light bulb?
A1: Three; one to hold back the giraffe, and the other two to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
A2: To get to the other side.

Q: How many lojban-speakers does it take to change a broken light bulb?
A: Two; one to figure out what to change it into, and the other to find a bulb that emits broken light.

http://nmaps.net/user/littleviking001 · Postby **LittleViking** » 2009.03.15 (21:45)

Tsukatu wrote:Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a broken light bulb?
A1: Three; one to hold back the giraffe, and the other two to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
A2: To get to the other side.

Q: Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?
A: To get to the other side.

Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One.

http://nmaps.net/user/TheAdster · Postby Ad » 2009.03.15 (23:01)

Naww! Lookathalilpuppy!

http://nmaps.net/user/scythe33 · Postby **scythe** » 2009.03.16 (08:30)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04RZrf3- ... re=related

http://nmaps.net/user/EdoI · Postby **EdoI** » 2009.03.17 (20:47)

James bond and Jean Cloude Van Dam meeting:

- "I'm Bond, James Bond."
- "I'm Dam, Van Dam, Cloude Van Dam, Jean Cloude Van Dam."

------

Parents taking their son to nudistic beach.

- "Dad, why do some people have bigger ones, and someone smaller ones (refering to penises)?
- "Well, you see, those with bigger ones are more stupid, and people with smaller ones are smarter."
- "Look dad, that man talking to mom is getting stupider and stupider!"

------

Two people went hunting, and a snake bites the first in a penis. The second guy wanted to call a doctor, but he couldn't get the signal so he walked a bit. When he caught signal, he called:

- "Me and my friend went hunting and he got bitten by a snake..."
- "Where did it bite him?"
- "Well, it was behind the bush, while we were walking..."
- "No, not that! What did it bite him for?"
- "Oh doctor, it's kinda..."
- "You have to suck out the poison immediately until it's spread over the body!"
- "But doctor..."
- "No but. Suck it out or he's gone!"

He's coming back to his friend that asks him:

- "So, what did the doctor tell you?"
- "He told you to die."

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