My life's rant.

[Stardeash]

Ok, so i am currently 18 and in grade 12. Last year i kind of took a year off and never graded so i am a year behind. I also have ADD and OCD so things are a lot harder for me when i don't want to do them or when I'm not interested because of how my brain works with those conditions. It all basically started like way back with my dad when i was little and it all builds up to now. I moved out with my mom a while ago so we could get away from my dad. My mom had an accident and slipped outside while it was icy last year and hurt her back. She has been off work since and workers compensation payed her for a few months but then it ran out. Currently we are running out of money and can't support living by ourselves and this is where my dad comes back into things.

My dad wants us to move back to his house and be "one big family" again. The problem here is how my dad acts and deals with things. Me and my mom will go to his house for dinner on the weekend now and then and i will walk in the house and say "hi" the wrong way and from the time we get there until we leave it will be one constant yelling fight. My dad is pretty abusive and I've been sent to the hospital in the past because he cracked some of my ribs. Me and my mom are both hesitating about this because it's pretty scary for both of us. I realize that i am 18 and i can handle myself but he is way over the top.

On top of that i have the pressure of gradding this year (finally) with a bunch of kids that don't like me. I am going to grad this year with my younger brother and all of his friends and basically this is just a free year of making fun of the "emo" kid. I try to just ignore things but i can't ignore it forever and it just eventually drills right into my head. I found some friends to hang out with so i could get away from all of this and it was going well and i found a girl that i was interested in. We have been friends for over 4 months now. We hung out, watched movies together, talked for several hours a day, and everything was great.

I recently asked her to go to grad (Prom) with me and she said yes. I was really excited because in my mind all of this built up and it seemed like she liked me as much as i liked her. We were talking one day and i told her that i had feelings for her and i asked what she thought about it and if we could possibly give a relationship a try. To me this was going to be a sure fire yes because of everything in the past and how it had all played out so far. After i asked her she told me that we were only friends. I know it's not that much of a big deal but i was really attached so i felt pretty hurt after finding this out.

I usually just drown out everything for a few hours a day with video games and music. I can relate to all of the emotion and lyrics of the songs and i listen to them and just fade out of reality for a while and things are usually better. I play video games because it's something that i like and am very dedicated to. Recently these things haven't been working for me much and everything is just building up and i don't know what to do when the only things i knew how to do aren't working anymore.

In the past i have had thoughts about suicide but over time you realize that it's just not worth it because you will just lose everything. I know that i can do better and i know that i can go somewhere in life where i will enjoy myself but at the time being i feel like I'm just stuck and i can't get out and that each day it's just piling up heavier and heavier on me. I just don't know what to do anymore.

It may sound gay but i do rely on forums and things like this for parts of my life because i feel the the communities on here care about me more than the actual community that i live in. Everyone is different so you should respect that and if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

[MattKestrel]

Don't kill yourself. Think of the satisfaction you'll achieve when you finally overcome your problems. If you do kill yourself, you're only playing into their hands. Don't give them that reward.

EDIT: Actually, this could become an interesting debate on what warrants suicide, if anything.

[origami_alligator]

Since when was this a debate about suicide?
I remember you >stardeash. You were always cool and I remember helping you out with some tough times on IRC and the forums a couple times.

And as always I'm here to give you my support. I'm glad to see you've worked through those suicidal depressing times. It makes me glad to see your outlook on living is much better than it used to be.

Personally I can relate to your girl story, as I'm sure a lot of people can. Took me about 6 months to get over this one girl I knew who was probably, at the time, the coolest girl I have ever met. Nevertheless, you're in high school. Bullshit happens and you work through it until you're out of high school.

Speaking of, things get better tenfold once you're out of high school. You have a date for prom, you're graduating this year, the only thing that sucks is that you're moving in with your dad. I hope things will turn out well for you. Maybe it would be good to look into a part-time job if you don't have one already, maybe try and convince your brother to get one too, so that you can help out your mom until she is able to work again. That might be able to keep you guys from having to move back in with your dad, which, from what I've heard, sounds like a fucking scary guy.

My best wishes, >stardeash,
-southpaw-

[Eiturlyf]

We love you, man.

[Donfuy]

I know that i can do better and i know that i can go somewhere in life where i will enjoy myself but at the time being i feel like I'm just stuck and i can't get out and that each day it's just piling up heavier and heavier on me. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Recently I had that same problem, and I thought there was no solution and I just wanted these things to go away.

You know how I surpassed those things? I just did it. I just thought: "Come on, you're losing time of your life, for what? What about I just bury those things deep underground and... stop thinking:start thinking? I just felt I needed to change my habits, study more, be more reasonable to everyone, face everyday with a smile.

You know what?
It worked.

I don't know if it's the same problem as mine, but if it is, try and follow that.


There's shit with me too, I can't just fucking study. I can't. I try, I try, I try. I do some exercises I know, damn fast. Then it just needs one exercise to fuck it up and to me to get nervous. Any suggestions on how to improve that? I mean, I had an exam some weeks ago, and I did everything almost right. What's the problem? I had a 10 (out of 20) because I had stupid mistakes all over the place, and because I did everything so fast, I passed through things (not writing what I thought) that wasn't meant to be passed (it was a demonstration).

Oh, I'm too in year 12, although instead of a year behind, I'm one year ahead. But that's no excuse.

[a happy song]

Look, the world can be like this, especially when growing up. I had similar problems to you: An ill mother, her abusive long term boyfriend, bullying at school for being the alternative kid (and feeling lonely and alienated because of it), no luck with girls, thoughts of suicide as an escape, etc...

You need to find a focus, something to work toward, something you can use to really build yourself an escape. There's no easy solution, no advice that will make your life suddenly bearable, you need to work at it yourself - and it'll be tough. I can assure you though, it does get easier over time especially if you have a solid goal to achieve and you work hard at it.

The suicide thing will most likely be a cry for help/attention, you'll know this if you're honest with yourself, don't pay it any more mind than the pressure making you consider the easiest options just because you feel tired. Instead, use this situation of yours to propel yourself forward. Think perhaps of what you could do to help your mother in the future, how you could both break away from relying on your father if you achieve a decent education and find a good job, whatever it takes.

When you get through this, everything else will be a little bit easier.

[maya]

I feel for you, man. I'm not going to pretend to understand what you're going through, because I have never been through the things you're talking about but my mum's been divorced 3 times and I have usually grown up in a house of constant conflict, though nothing like what you've been through.

But suicide is never the answer. Even when life is shit, you've got to TRY and look on the bright side and hope things will clear up. To be honest, I've never even thought about suicide however i've never really hit bad times. Anyway, I hope things do clear up and you get rid of your problems.

All the best.

[blackbelmoral]

I feel for you, man. I'm not going to pretend to understand what you're going through, because I have never been through the things you're talking about but my mum's been divorced 3 times and I have usually grown up in a house of constant conflict, though nothing like what you've been through.

But suicide is never the answer. Even when life is shit, you've got to TRY and look on the bright side and hope things will clear up. To be honest, I've never even thought about suicide however i've never really hit bad times. Anyway, I hope things do clear up and you get rid of your problems.

All the best.

dude, getting things done is better than getting moped over them.
+_+
dont debate suicide.

if you ignore that for more than an hour a day, no matter how hard or impulsive you are to just slug the guy, they will go away in less than a week. not to be a psychologist, but when they make a joke, try laughing to it, even if its just an opinion. as long as they think its a sarcastic laugh, it will be hit the emo kid. otherwise, not.





i get the forum thing to. im a loser at school. not quite the emo kid, but the kid who cant do anything right and is a complete nerd.

EDIT: Actually, this could become an interesting debate on what warrants suicide, if anything.

GTM, pretty much nothing warrants suicide, so dont joke about that.
especially to a person who just asked you to help him.

haha, just read atobs and i have that right now.

[MattKestrel]

EDIT: Actually, this could become an interesting debate on what warrants suicide, if anything.

GTM, pretty much nothing warrants suicide, so dont joke about that.
especially to a person who just asked you to help him.

haha, just read atobs and i have that right now.

I was being completely serious, hence the "if anything" on the end. I'd be more likely to take offense at your comment for intrepreting something like that as a joke, personally.

[sheganican]

We love you, man.

hahaha

seriously though, just do your best and ignore negative comments and if all else fails, you can still beg for money from your parents.

[Donfuy]

This definitely isn't a debate topic, but I feel like it might be a little bit heavy for the discussion forum, so I'm not positive that moving it is the right thing to do. Anyone have any thoughts on that issue?

I agree, as in, this is waay too serious to be in discussion (wasn't debate called "Serious Discussion"?). I mean, this topic needs this forum's rules.

[Vyacheslav]

Try seeing a therapist. I'm sure he/she could help you with your issues.

[t̷s͢uk̕a͡t͜ư]

Sorry for the sudden disappearance of the thread, but there was an issue that needed addressing here that we didn't want to get out of hand.
Here's your thread back, stardeash, all scrubbed of any nastiness that may have but definitely didn't happen.
We have always been at war with Eurasia. This message has been deemed plusgood by minitrue.

[bobaganuesh_2]

my dad always hates telling me things over and over again "it's like talking to a brick wall" he says. you ain't a brick wall. and I'm not sure if BigBlargh will save the say as he did last time. that doesn't mean ur despendant on anyone, ya know. you know this already. even if you don't you do. suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. we all feel all Dried Up, Tied Up, and Dead to the World at one point or another.

[Tanner]

suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

As far as I know, death is a permanent state. Do you know something I don't?

[KinGAleX]

suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

As far as I know, death is a permanent state. Do you know something I don't?

Haha, I was going to request that this doesn't turn into a karma or a reincarnation thread, but then it'd deserve to be put back in Debate, and the ultimate irony would be complete.

[Rikaninja]

Life is a pleasure that nothing will stop. It is the juice for
happiness and joy, relationships and maturity. Nothing
negative deserves to stray its part and block you from
the world. Enjoy the world as only you can enjoy it, every
moment in life is a teardrop of fury yet still as pleasurable
as the morning sun.


Suicide is unneceptable, life is far to precious for that. Do
not think about the bad and evil, for good shall slowly leek in.
No amount of terror that you find in your family life should
slow you down to the happy adventure of a lifetime that
awaits you.

We are here man, and we hope that you will be too :)

[Vyacheslav]

Yo Stardeash.. how are things?

[LittleViking]

Yo Stardeash.. how are things?

Stardeash was a cock and got himself banned. I'm sure he's doing just fine in life.