UnknownKirbyMan advances to the now rundown table in front of him. He notices that the atmosphere is somewhat surreal and is finding it uneasy. He looks around nervously. He asks why the lighting in the stuffy room is dimmed in the area around the rather menacing audience.
"So," says the Banker, "you ask about the audience. Eh? MUAHAHAHA!!" UnknownKirbyMan backs away slowly. "This is NOT your usual audience. You are playing Deal Or No Deal in front of TWO HUNDRED BANKERS!" More evil laughter ensues. A confused look is written all over UnknownKirbyMan's face... "And... guess what - they're all on MY side! They're here to make you suffer and regret all your decisions! And YOU will NEVER win any more money than we let you!" A sideways glance at the Banker reveals that his teeth have been artificially grown and sharpened into fangs. At this, UnknownKirbyMan collapses into the chair behind the table with a desperate intention not to look at the audience behind him, even though they have been dimmed out by the lighting. Unfortunately for him, he notices that the background music has been tampered with and intermittently interrupted by faint sudden howls of characteristic evil laughter.
Box 3 to start off - £5,000 - UnknownKirbyMan looks at the Banker to elicit a response. The response is just an unintelligible "meh" from the Banker's mouth.
Box 19 - 50p - The Banker audibly growls and starts to glare at UnknownKirbyMan, who turns away from the sight of his enormous grin, only to find himself staring at two hundred other bankers as he turns round...
Box 5 - £10 - The Banker casts a somewhat scornful look at UnknownKibyMan who is now less sure of what is going on and is finding the current situation even more uneasy despite the board strengthening in his favour. He is quite unsure how to act in the immediate situation.
Box 10 - £500 - At this point it is noticed that the growls have escalated into rather menacing threats from the Banker and the remaining two hundred Bankers in the audience. The lights dim further still. UnknownKirbyMan is finding it somewhat disturbing that the Banker is walking round and round the table, now intently staring at him with a ferocious gaze.
Box 11 - £5 - "OH YOU ... LOUSY... GUUUUUURGGGHHH!!" The Banker evidently seems not to be able to keep his anger at the situation under control at this point. He starts chasing UnknownKirbyMan round the table still sporting his fixated gaze. UnknownKirbyMan turns round to find four hundred other eyes staring at him in the near darkness. "W-what... did... I... ?" he mumbles, still unaware of why he seems to be intimidated like this...
Box 1 - £15,000 - This brings a sigh of relief from the Banker whose mood changes somewhat into a more recovered manner. However, a most disturbing change that UnknownKirbyMan notices is that the music has suddenly become more sinister...
Box 18 - £75,000 - For a split second after the revealing of the box contents, there is an uneasy pause from UnknownKirbyMan. He then realises that the Banker is bringing out his characteristic evil laughter and filling the whole room with alarming echoes of "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!". UnknownKirbyMan backs away slowly and cautiously.
Box 13 - £250,000 - UnknownKirbyMan barely has time to react before the whole studio erupts in the form of 201 evil Bankers all pointing at UnknownKirbyMan and laughing at him in a scene best described as what can hardly ever occur outside of horror films. The music suddenly stops and is replaced by a chilling series of diminished seventh chords that echo around the room just as much as the laughter. The atmosphere radically changes as special effects cause lightning to flash vigorously around the room, punctuating the endless evil laughter of 201 Bankers all simultaneously invading UnknownKirbyMan's ears.
Box 17 - £3,000 - The evil laughter slowly stops and the atmosphere quietens down. UnknownKirbyMan wonders whether to take any comfort from that fact, but can't decide...
Box 4 - £750 - It's deja vu. The Banker is making suspicious glances at UnknownKirbyMan and walking intimidatingly around the table. Again.
Box 9 - 1p - The Banker who seemed to have just quietened down in mood suddenly erupts again - but this time in a different way. UnknownKirbyMan tries to flee in the sight of The Banker allegedly (He denies such claims later...) running after him with a broom in his right hand as if to start attacking him. The scenes which follow immediately have been completely CUT because they have been rendered as unsuitable TV viewing before the 9pm watershed. Use your imagination here.
Box 12 - £1,000 - UnknownKirbyMan is seen trying to hide from both the Banker and the television cameras...
Box 8 - £10,000 - UnknownKirbyMan ponders wheter that was good or bad for him. Still being uncertain, he tries to look at the audience to find more glares and this disturbs him back to reality again.
Box 14 - £250 - "Does anyone know how to SUE a random number generator!?" is the message from the Banker, through gritted teeth, now in desperation at how the board is going.
"Beh-ding ding ding ding dididing ding bing bing pscht
Dorhrm bom bom bedom bem bom bedom bom bum ba ba bom bom
Bouuuuum bom bom bedahm, Bom be barbedarm bedabedabedabeda
Bbrrrrrimm bbrrrrramm bbbrrrrrrrrraammmmm ddddddraammm
Bah bah baah baah ba wheeeeeee-eeeee-eeeee!"
"WHAT!!??" comes the instant reply from UnknownKirbyMan.
"Oh, sorry," the Banker replies. "They forgot that they installed the Crazy Frog ringtone on their phones. Even I'm finding it annoying too! RRRRGH!"
The Banker picks the phone up. "Hello? ... ... ... ... No I DON'T want your stupid CAR INSURANCE or whatever-it-is! GO AWAY! ... ... ... What? Do you even KNOW what the point of this phone call is? You're supposed to tell me the offer for the board from the other side of the telephone. Got it!?... ... ...
... ... ... Oh yeah, I'm the banker, damnit! So you're saying that I'm supposed to make the offers instead? ... ... So what was the point of this phone call? ... ...
... ... ... NO! I SAID, I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID CAR INSURANCE! GO AWAY!"
The Banker turns to the audience. "Sorry about that. It seems there was a mix-up with the way that they presented the show. It's definitely not my fault. They never organise TV properly. That's SO STUPID!" He then turns to UnknownKirbyMan and puts on an extremely sinister accent. "So," he says, "I'm technically supposed to make the offer for your current box. *evil chuckle* I offer you -"
Suddenly, there is a rude interruption which causes all the suspense to be thrown out of the situation.
"Beh-ding ding ding ding dididing -" The Banker picks the phone up and holds the line for a good twenty seconds or so. "I SAID! I DO NOT WANT YOUR STUPID CAR INSURANCE!" Th phone is slammed down again with such ferocious force that the noise it makes seems to echo around the room.
The Banker quickly turns to UnknownKirbyMan.
"SIXTEEN THOUSAND POUNDS.
DEAL OR NO DEAL?"
(If you No Deal then you will have to pick 3 boxes in the next round.)
