Jokes
- Remembering Hoxygen
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Two muffins in an oven. On says, "Boy it's hot in here!" The other one turns around and states, "Holy crap, a talking muffin!"

"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot: Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each prayer accepted, and each wish resign'd" ~ Alexander Pope
"Boredom is not an appropriate response to exploding cars" ~ Hugh Laurie
- Cowboy Magician
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One was assualted.
- Loquacious
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IT'S PEANUTS YOU MORMON D:Drathmoore wrote:Two crisps walk down a street.
One was assualted.

- Cowboy Magician
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How again does changing the word "Peanuts" for "Crisps" make me want multiple wives? (I apologise if there are any Mormons on the forums; it's only a joke ;) ).MattKestrel wrote:IT'S PEANUTS YOU MORMON D:Drathmoore wrote:Two crisps walk down a street.
One was assualted.
And time for another bad joke!
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.
- Loquacious
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Because seven has an heroin addiction, and it's tearing him apart.

- Commodus
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- Cowboy Magician
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Sonic 06 (OH SNAP!)
- Not So Awesome Blossom
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- The Dreamster Teamster
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That's pretty funny.Drathmoore wrote:
And time for another bad joke!
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.
ALright, who stole the soap?
The robber ducky!

Now known as Tileset_Maker
But you can still check out my other account if you want.
Thanks Uzi for teh sig pic.
- Boeing Boeing Bone!
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Rape
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- Why Was Six Afraid of Seven? Because...
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Completed N and NReality.
106 N v1.4 highscores.
I used to maintain 1000 NReality Level Top20 Highscores - Ranked 0th
Former Owner of Episode 169, way back when.
I've taken 10 Metanet 0ths. 6 of them lasted <2 days. I don't have any of them anymore. >:(
Third Place in BLUR 4 highscore.
Not highscoring anymore until v2.
EddyMataGallos is an alien.
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Aloe Vera!

sig by donfuy.
This Forum is probably the best forum that i have ever used and i would just like to say how proud i am to be a member of this forum
- The number of seats in an Airbus A380
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He didn't want his kids to be too lazy to steal.
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- Yet Another Harshad
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- Radio Douchebag
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- Diagnosis Mohawk: Bahrain Cock Theory
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scythe wrote:[00:06:43] <scythe> Mahatma Gandhi walked around barefoot most of the time
[00:06:51] <scythe> which produced a lot of callouses on his feet.
[00:07:01] <scythe> He also ate very little, which made him very frail,
[00:07:10] <scythe> and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
[00:07:12] <scythe> This made him
[00:07:23] <scythe> A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!
Yanni wrote:[00:14:38] <@Yanni> Two mathematicians are at a beach trying to figure out how the amount of suntan a person gets varies with the outside temperature.
[00:15:33] <@Yanni> After various tests, they found that at 60 degrees F, they had a 7% suntan.
[00:15:55] <@Yanni> At 70 degrees F, it was a 15% suntan.
[00:16:08] <@Yanni> At 80 degrees, 23% suntan.
[00:16:17] <@Yanni> At 90 degrees, it went down to 0%.
[00:16:27] <@Yanni> For weeks, they were desperate to understand the results.
[00:16:35] <@Yanni> Finally, the answer came to them.
[00:16:41] <@Yanni> "Of course!" one says to the other
[00:16:49] <@Yanni> "The tan of 90 degrees does not exist"
scythe wrote:[00:17:40] <scythe> Alright, so two friars were looking for a way to raise money.
[00:17:51] <scythe> They decided to open a florist shop in the church during the week.
[00:18:21] <scythe> Of course, since everyone liked to buy flowers from the friars, the florist across town, Hugh, thought they were unfair competition.
[00:18:37] <scythe> So Hugh begged the friars to stop selling flowers.
[00:18:43] <scythe> they ignored him.
[00:19:27] <scythe> The next day, he went to their store and beat the crap out of them and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close the store.
[00:19:37] <scythe> In the end
[00:19:49] <scythe> it turned out that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
Yanni wrote:[00:20:18] <@Yanni> A couple is walking down a street in Communist Russia.
[00:20:45] <@Yanni> The wife feels something on her arm, and says to her husband "Honey, I think it's beginning to rain."
[00:21:03] <@Yanni> The husband disagrees. "No no," he says. "That's no rain."
[00:21:28] <@Yanni> This argument goes back and forth for some minutes, until they come across a local walking the opposite way.
[00:21:49] <@Yanni> "Sir?" calls the husband. "Sir, what is your name?" "Rudolph," the man replies.
[00:22:09] <@Yanni> "Do you think it's raining at the moment? My wife and I are having an argument about this."
[00:22:19] <@Yanni> The man looks up, and ponders for a while.
[00:22:33] <@Yanni> Looks back at him, and decides "No, no it's not raining."
[00:22:48] <@Yanni> The couple walk away, the husband satisfied as he thinks he's won.
[00:23:02] <@Yanni> The wife is still not convinced. "Who says he's right?"
[00:23:12] <@Yanni> The husband smiles, looks over to his wife, and says
[00:23:20] <@Yanni> "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

feline disrespect from behind
- Spoil-Sport
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December 25th
Meowy Christmas
You set it up
- Lifer
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"Do you have condoms?"
The pharmacist:
"Yes, of course."
The guy:
"Okay, I'll take one."
The pharmacist gives him a condom, and when he was about to charge it, the guy said:
"You know, I'm going to my girlfriend's house tonight on dinner, to meet her family. She has a really sexy sister, I think she might expect something too."
So the pharmacist gave him another condom, and went to charge him, but the customer interrupted again:
"Hmm, I think her mother has some expectations too. Just give me a whole package."
So the customer took the package and left.
Dinnertime. Everyone sitting at the table. The whole family said a prayer, the guy was the only one left praying. Main meal passed, but he was still praying. His girlfriend found that strange, slightly kicked him in his leg below the table, and says:
"You've never told me you're so religious!"
The guy answered:
"Neither did you tell me your father is a pharmacist!"
- Ego Lancer
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- Subterranean Engineer
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There's an Ecuadorian guy and an American guy. :I The American guy is chewing gum, and the Ecuadorian guy is eating a banana. So Ecuadorian guy throws the banana peel away once he's finished, and then the American guy says, "When we throw away bananas, garbage collectors pick them up and give them to jelly/marmalade/jam factories, where they process the fruit and send it to Ecuador."
Then the American spits out his gum, and Ecuador man says, "When we use condoms, they're sent to chewing gum factories, where they're processed and sent to the United States."
Damn it's so much funnier in Spanish.
- Ego Lancer
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I just realised that this is like posting "I don't have any jokes" in a joke forum :Sguy_zap wrote:The second I saw this I thought "I'm gonna tell my muffin joke!". Read the first post. God dammit.

Temporary hiatus for learning and shit.
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- Beyond a Perfect Math Score
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It's more coming to post that you have pie and then noticing the first post stole your pie.guy_zap wrote:I just realised that this is like posting "I don't have any jokes" in a joke forum :Sguy_zap wrote:The second I saw this I thought "I'm gonna tell my muffin joke!". Read the first post. God dammit.
- Walking on Broken Glass
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Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
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William Shakespeare
- The Dreamster Teamster
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That's A GOOD ONE.beethoveN wrote:it's better to be burned at the stake then hve your head chopped off by a guillotine, you know why? because a hot stake is better than a cold chop! (if you dont get it read aloud)
Oops, silly caps.
You tell me

Now known as Tileset_Maker
But you can still check out my other account if you want.
Thanks Uzi for teh sig pic.
- Mr. Glass
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This non-sequitur works much better in the context of the "A man walks in to a bar.." gag, and if delivered well is actually a good joke.MattKestrel wrote:Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven has an heroin addiction, and it's tearing him apart.
ie:
A man walks into a bar...
He has an alcohol addiction and it's tearing his family apart.
Hilarious.

n
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